Traici Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I'll try and make this short... my ex and I were together for 13 years before separating almost two years ago. We have 3 children together. Over the past two years we have remained close and often talked about getting back together. A little over a month ago, he started acting nasty to me. He stopped wanting to see me, didn't want to talk anymore like we had been doing. Two weeks later, I found out that that was the time he had started seeing somebody else. I do understand that he wants to move on, and he was trying to distance himself from me. I can not understand why he did not come out and say straight away that he had found someone else - or even say beforehand that he was looking?!? He let me think that we still had a chance even after he had moved on. It came as a shock to me that he had someone else, especially since only a couple of weeks before we were talking about trying again. I am not coping well at all. I cry all the time. If I ask him to explain what happened, he just says "I don't know" and "I'm sorry". I want a reason as to why he has walked away from me when we were getting along. He won't even see his kids every week, he takes them every second weekend but on the other weekends, he can't take them because he goes to see her (she has children also). It all just seems so sudden. I'll stop here, because I feel as if I am about to start rambling.
Suave Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I'm sorry to hear, first off. You were the safety net. Happens to the best of us. They keep you around and give you false hope until they figure things out with the other person and then you get dropped. If he's a real man, he'll want to continue seeing his kids. That's his responsibility.
TaraMaiden Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 You should be very, very angry with him. His primary obligation is to his children. If the agreement is arranged through legal channels, you should report that he is reneging on his duties. If this is a private arrangement, tell him to start thinking with his head, and not his dick. Children are for ever. Relationships - as you have sadly discovered - are far less permanent. The children will begin to resent him for his choices, and lose all respect for him.
Author Traici Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 No official agreement yet. I have written up a parenting plan and sent it to him, he said he agreed to it, I asked him to sign it and he won't.
TaraMaiden Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Then get something legal implemented by a lawyer/solicitor. He is a joint parent. It's time he realised he's also a 'dad'. What a goddamn jerk. Be angry, woman!!
Author Traici Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 The children, by the way, are 13, 12 and 3. He says the older two do not have to go and see them if they don't want to, as they are old enough to make their own decisions. They want to see him, though. They are used to seeing him at least 6 days a week, and they have been going to his house every weekend since we first separated (for the whole weekend one week and then just on Sundays for the next)
BustedUpInside Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Unfortunately, in situations like these you might never get the answers that you want. Your ex might not even have these answers to give. He probably does not know why he has done half the stuff that he has. You could keep torturing yourself by wondering or you could try to just move on from the relationship. Believe me when I say that I know how hard it is to just give up on something that you thought was going to last a lifetime. Especially with children involved. However, you are never going to be able to force him to be the person that you wish he would be. He is obviously not a very nice person and his apologies are pathetic. You, on the other hand, are a caring mother who is trying to do her best for herself and her children. Keep at it, and in time you will realize that the best thing he ever did was to let you go so that you could be with someone that actually deserves you. As far as the children are concerned, his behavior is reprehensible. There is absolutely no excuse to neglect his children's welfare and you are well within your rights to point out this character flaw to him. DO NOT let him sidetrack you on this subject by acting like you are only calling him out because you are jealous or want him back. Be clear that your relationship and his relationship with the children are two separate issues and that whether you two work it out or stay apart has nothing to do with his responsibilities to raise his kids into productive, well-adjusted adults. I know life is hard for you right now, and while it may seem like this will always be the case, things will get easier. Just keep your head up, keep taking care of your children, and pretty soon you will see that this was just another stepping stone in life on the path to bigger and better things. 1
Author Traici Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 I was angry the first week. Very angry. Now I'm a little angry, but mostly just sad.
Author Traici Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Thank you BustedUp, it's been a tough time for all of us, and he does do exactly as you say... he says I only want him to take the kids because it stops him from going out.
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