ThatGuy195 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Hi all, its been about a month or so of no contact with my ex, i think she still has feelings for me, but is afraid we don't share the same life goals, i am thinking of sending her a letter of apology soon just to let her know what im doing and how i feel about it all, not too pushy i hope. Maybe a bouquet of flowers along with the letter to her work when it is only just her there. Not sure if flowers is a good idea or not. Any input on the letter or about how i should approach the sitiuation would be appreciated, letter is below Hi , I just have a few things to say and I'm writing this letter to say I'm sorry. I've taken some time done some soul searching and am getting on with my life but feel I have a few things I need to say. I'm sorry you felt you had to end the relationship, it must have been a hard decision to make. I know now after seeing where we went wrong you had no choice but to end the relationship. I know you were trying so hard to make things work and you were getting so little from me in return. All those times you tried to get me to come play with you and the dogs, all the times you tried to get me to come riding with you , telling me to take some initiative on my own around the house and planning stuff for us, telling me to get my day to day affairs organized, telling me to be a more loving boyfriend. You were only looking out for us. You tried so hard and I was too immature to do something about it. I'm sorry it took me pushing you away to realise where I went wrong. Somewhere along the line I got complacent with us, I stopped being a good boyfriend to you and I stopped paying attention to you . I remember the days where we used to do everything together, I would come to all your work functions ,meet your work friends, we would just go out and have fun together and I'm sorry I made you stop feeling like my girlfriend. You meant the world to me and I still caused you so much pain and you deserved better than that. I know you don't think that we both shared the same goals in life but my convictions in 4 years never once wavered. I still feel that we both wanted the same things in life. I enjoyed whenever I went camping with you, especially at byron bay and we got to go for that walk at night along the beach amongst all the crabs and along the rock wall, it's one of my happiest memories, I wish I had taken the initiative to plan camping trips on my own instead of waiting for you to do it. I was trying so hard to get into the mines so we could both live the life we wanted and one day get that dream house and property in the country side. I lost sight of what was in front of me, focussed too much on the other problems in my life instead of our own and made you doubt us. I still remember the night I drove you home from Kylies birthday party in February and you were drunk and stumbling. I put you in the car and you were telling me how much you loved me and how you would never cheat on me or do anything to hurt me. I got you upstairs and put you in bed. That is when I thought to myself I had an amazing woman who had been supporting ,loving and who I could happily spend my days with. Then when you tried to fix our relationship problems I let you down and I hurt you. I have recently been to counselling and I have started sorting out my issues that I have and brought to the relationship. I have gotten rid of a lot of the distractions in my life that were hurting me and us. I am feeling a lot better for it. I have started working again, I am doing drafting work in my spare time, just getting out more and doing things every chance I get. I know this is all just the start of a better me. I am sorry that it took me to push you away before I could see where I went wrong with us and me. It kills me every time I think about how much I hurt you. I still think about you a lot and I miss just talking to you and seeing your smile at the end of a good or bad day. I'm not writing this letter to convince you otherwise or change your decision. I just want you to know how sincerely sorry I am and how much the relationship meant to me. Thank you for sharing part of your life with me and I promise as long as I live I will not make the same mistakes again. 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 This is a great letter. I really like how you acknowledge where you felt you went wrong in the relationship and then also note how you took measures to fix the issues. You also brought up some great memories. Not in a manipulative way, but with a genuine appreciation for how great your ex girlfriend was. Plus, the ending where you state that whether she wants you back or not, you just wanted to let her know how much you liked being in a relationship with her. I don't know what the future holds for the two of you, but I am crossing my fingers that if you decide to send this letter, it will only have positive consequences
Author ThatGuy195 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 thanks, yea im trying not to come on too strongly but convey the point, along with some heartfelt memories, not sure about flowers tho, i think it will either help the cause or dash it completely
Author ThatGuy195 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Also if anyone could let me know if it sounds too whiny and weak, would be nice, women are not particularly fond of that even if it is sincere
aisuru Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Look, I don't know your story. I'm the dumpee for the first time in awhile (last 3 previous breakups, I was the dumper). I'm not sure I would like a letter (I skimmed yours) regardless of my role. I just don't know. I'm not sure it would help or hinder you quite honestly because the reality is that each situation is different. I'm pretty certain my dumper has feelings still for me in my current situation. Not one thing has gotten him to bite, though I haven't tried too hard either. I do know, I sent him this one week after (bear in mind we broke up over phone while he was out of town on business for two months, the chicken****), "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for how I made you feel. I'm sorry for the mistakes I made." He actually responded to that one and said, "It's not your fault." I don't think a long letter does what you think it does. But that's just me. I might communicate like most men. When I was the dumper in the past? I barely paid attention to what was sent my way. This is why I believe short and sweet is better. And space. Lots of space. PLEASE do not sent it to her work. Or with flowers. No girl wants to explain flowers from an ex at work. BLECH. Snail mail to her home is a nice touch. Something different than text that shows you're not in a rush. 2
Author ThatGuy195 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 would work still be awkward if she is the only one that is there?
BustedUpInside Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 would work still be awkward if she is the only one that is there? Yes. Flowers are too much. The letter is good. It doesn't sound whiny or anything. You should mail it. That is sweet without going over the top.
Author ThatGuy195 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 also frankly my handwriting is bad, would printing out a letter and mailing it have the same effect? or more along the lines if i print it make the effort for it to look good, or hand write it anyway
BustedUpInside Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I would say hand write. It adds a personal touch. Plus, a printed letter would mean that you probably worked on it for a long time, and even if you did, you want it to look more spontaneous than that.
Pisces13 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 DO NOT send the flowers, and ESPECIALLY NOT to her work. I think sending the flowers would probably annoy her, and would also contradict the message in your letter. I agree with BustedUpInside, the letter is good, it isn't preachy and it is to the point, I would send it, but DON'T send flowers whatever you do lol. 1
Author ThatGuy195 Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Yea, just going to send a hand written letter in the mail to her. No flowers. Thanks for the input everyone
Author ThatGuy195 Posted June 8, 2013 Author Posted June 8, 2013 Hi all, just posting an updated version of the letter its only got a few differences but i you could tell me what you think and if u think its better it would be appreciated Hi , I just have a few things to say and I'm writing this letter to say I'm sorry. I've taken some time, done some soul searching and am getting on with my life but feel I have a few things I need to say. I'm sorry you felt you had to end the relationship, it must have been a hard decision to make . I know now after seeing where I went wrong why you felt you had no choice but to end the relationship. I know you were trying so hard to make things work and you were getting so little from me in return. All those times you tried to get me to come play with you and the dogs, all the times you tried to get me to come riding with you , telling me to take some initiative on my own around the house and planning stuff for us, telling me to get my day to day affairs organized, telling me to be a more loving boyfriend. You were only looking out for us. You tried so hard and I was too immature to do something about it. (I'm sorry it took me pushing you away to realise where I went wrong). Somewhere along the line I got complacent with us, I stopped being a good boyfriend to you and I stopped paying attention to you . I remember the days where we used to do everything together, I would come to all your work functions ,meet all your friends , we would just go out and have fun together and I'm sorry I made you stop feeling like my girlfriend. You meant the world to me and I still caused you so much pain and you deserved better than that. I know you must feel that we both don't share the same goals in life, but my convictions in 4 years never once wavered. I still feel that we both wanted the same things in life. I was trying so hard to get into the mines so we could both live the life we wanted and one day get that dream house and property in the country side. I lost sight of what was in front of me and focussed too much on the other problems in my life instead of our own. I loved whenever I went camping with you, especially at brunswick heads and we got to go for that starlit walk at night along the beach amongst all the crabs and along the rock wall, it's one of my happiest memories. I should have taken the initiative to plan camping trips on my own instead of waiting for you to do it. My actions were a poor reflection of my convictions and I made you doubt us. I still remember the night I drove you home from Kylies birthday party in February and you were drunk and stumbling. I put you in the car and you were telling me how much you loved me, how you would never cheat on me or do anything to hurt me. I got you home, carried you on my back upstairs and tucked you into bed. That is when I thought to myself I had an amazing woman who had been supporting ,loving, loyal and who I could happily spend my days with. Then when you tried to fix our relationship problems I let you down , I took you for granted and I hurt you. I have been seeing to a psychologist and I have been sorting out my issues that I have and brought to the relationship. I have gotten rid of a lot of the distractions in my life that were hurting me and us. I am feeling a lot better for it. I have started working again, I am doing drafting work in my spare time, rockclimbing and just getting out more and doing things every chance I get. I know this is all just the start of me being a better man. I am sorry that it took me to push you away before I could see where I went wrong. It kills me every time I think about how I pushed you away and how much I hurt you . I still think about you a lot. I miss just talking to you and seeing your smile at the end of a good or bad day. I'm not writing this letter to convince you otherwise or change your decision. I just want you to know how sorry I am for making you ever feel anything short of loved and how much the relationship meant to me. Thank you for sharing part of your life with me and I promise as long as I live I will not make the same mistakes again. 2
CharlotteX Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 If I was her regardless of whether I wanted you back I would say i would like that letter. I think if she don't want you back at least she might gain some type of closure from that.
totallylost5040 Posted June 9, 2013 Posted June 9, 2013 That is an awesome letter! can you help me draft one for myself? hahaha I actually wrote letter as well, but I didn't send it. It's not nearly as awesome as this one.... Shoot if that were ME getting that letter, it would make me think twice about getting back together... it sounds so genuine and it certainly would bring back memories and feelings... unless the reason why you broke up was because you were abusive or cheating.... how long after you two broke up did you send this?
Author ThatGuy195 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 havent sent it yet, will be sending it on wednesday, have handwritten it on some fancy paper and writing it in green pen and green envelope(her favorite colour) and will mail it to her place, wasnt abusive and didnt cheat, was loyal till the end, was jobless for about 5 months and got a bit depressed and started to neglect her emotionally , feel bad about it and made her think we didnt want same things in life, which was never the case. Just wrote the letter from the heart
Author ThatGuy195 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 ohh yea and is a month and a half after break up, will have sent the letter after a month of no contact
Author ThatGuy195 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 (edited) figure the best way to write a letter is just tell her how u feel, where u think you went wrong. Try put yourself in her shoes and think why she/he broke it off and wrote in some heartfelt memories to counter her reasoning. Make sure if u do and are prepared to change its genuine and you are showing you are putting in effort, otherwise im sure even if you do get back together it will prob just happen again. I hope the letter works, this girl meant the world to me Edited June 10, 2013 by ThatGuy195
totallylost5040 Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Thanks. That means a lot. We were only kinda together for 3 months but we had some awesome memories and we went on vacation together as well. I'll put a letter up here as well lemme know what you think. I was going to hand write it to her and leave it on her car at work. She works near my house. She's already emailed me and asked me how I was doing and what I've been up to. She asked for pics of our trip. Then when I said I'll do it when I have a chance. She said no rush. Why even ask if you aren't in a hurry to get them. Was she just checking up? Methinks so.
Author ThatGuy195 Posted June 11, 2013 Author Posted June 11, 2013 The letter has been sent, wish me luck! Will keep you updated with results
totallylost5040 Posted June 12, 2013 Posted June 12, 2013 Awesome! I'm sure that took tons of courage to do!!! ThatGuy195, do you have an email address? I wanna ask you some questions, again, brilliant letter. Very touching. Best of luck to you man, that's an incredible letter.
Author ThatGuy195 Posted June 13, 2013 Author Posted June 13, 2013 I do but im not a huge fan of giving out my emails on forums sorry, start a thread and ill be happy to help if i can. Most of us here have been dealt the same ****ty hand at least once so more than just my advice would help, if you at least post a link to your thread from this thread ill be sure to answer any questions i can. I think it takes a decent person to admit when they are wrong and try better themselves. Its certainly the only way i can see of fixing what is broken. I think the people who are in my situation and have the courage to just let the ones they love go are more admirable, its certainly harder than pining over someone and not getting on with life. For me the letter is the point where i know ive done all i can to try get an amazing woman back, 5 years is hard to let go of. Anyone else that can let go and stay strong certainly has my respect
totallylost5040 Posted June 13, 2013 Posted June 13, 2013 No worries that guy. Here ya go. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/second-chances/398477-need-fresh-ideas-after-breakup my relationship wasn't as long, obviously, but we did a lot together. But right now I'm accepting that its over, I almost just want to slam the hammer down, I've been in NC for quite sometime, she even decided to contact me 2 weeks afterwards, in which I replied very briefly. Its too bad we can't send personal messages on this site.
cdt76 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 After attempting to get a second chance, I feel dumped for a second time. Don't do it.
totallylost5040 Posted June 14, 2013 Posted June 14, 2013 I don't really see it as a secon chance but more for closure and realization. It takes time to realize what went wrong and courage to admit it. If you are honest about it and it feels better to send the letter do it. Who cares what she thinks. It's for you to feel better. If a second chance comes of it, great. But I wouldn't send the letter with the sole intent on gettin her back.
Recommended Posts