CrazyInLove09 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Hi everyone! This is my first time posting in this forum and I am in need of some real guidance right now. What I’ve been going through recently is breaking me down emotionally more and more each day and I don’t know how to handle the situation anymore. I am madly in love with my best friend. We’ve known each other for many years now and he means the absolute world to me. He has had feelings for me ever since we met, but it wasn’t until 8 months ago that I became available and began returning his feelings (after breaking up with my first and only boyfriend of 5 years). Shortly after, we became friends with benefits, and I fell undeniably and completely in love with him, and he feels the same way about me. He always has. We have a chemistry and a passion for one another that is inexplicable. I’ve never experienced anything like it before in my entire life. We’re crazy about one another and we want to move things to the next level and become an official couple, but there’s one thing standing in our way: he smokes and sells marijuana. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not a big time dealer. He only sells to a particular circle of people who he claims to trust, but I have always been very much against drug usage of any kind, as well as the illegality of his actions. I am so afraid that one day he will be caught and thrown in jail, and not only that, what if we’re found together when he gets busted? My whole future will be put on the line due to our association. He claims that he wants to have a future with me, marry me and start a family with me one day, and that he’ll stop selling after 2 or 3 years. His reasoning is that he wants enough money to get ahead and build a future for us and our children, but I’ve told him many times that I don’t need a ton of money to be happy in life, I just want him. Unfortunately there is no changing his mind, no matter how hard I try. It hurts me more than I can describe in words. I don’t doubt that he loves me with all of his heart, and I’ve seen him break down at the thought of losing what we have, and anybody who knows him knows that he’s not the type to show his emotions easily in that way. I’ve tried to let him go so many times but I just can’t do it. His friends are also all stoners and it sometimes makes me uncomfortable to be around them all when they’re smoking (which is a daily occurrence) but I just can’t stay away from him despite that. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t wait around for the next 3 years and hope that he decides to quit when the time comes, and that he doesn’t get caught in the meantime. What should I do? I know in my head that I should leave him and that I do deserve better, but he’s all that my heart wants, and I know that he loves me deeply too. Any advice would be much appreciated. xo
Treasa Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 He claims that he wants to have a future with me, marry me and start a family with me one day, and that he’ll stop selling after 2 or 3 years. xo If you aren't in a place where you can listen to your gut, which is even better than your head (IMO), then listen to your head. He claimed something. I can claim to be the Queen of England and it doesn't mean jack ****. If you go by his theory, then your life and your kids will be financed by drugs. Not something to be proud of. Tell him he can contact you AFTER he quits dealing. You need to put yourself first.
shexy Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 If the thought of losing your relationship makes him break down and be really upset, he would consider compromising with you, or giving it up altogether. If he was willing to quit, he would have done it by now. You can't change him, he has to want to change, and he doesn't want to change right now. I'm not super anti-pot or anything, but I wouldn't put up with that.
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