Chase4U Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Let's say your relationship was two people being honest and loved each other no matter what. You both broken up and both decided to remain best friends. The other half believes you guys won't ever get back together. You work to move on, to heal and learn to better from the experiences. You're at this stage where you have moved on 100%. Why does the dumper want to remain best friends? Are they afraid of not finding what they once had with you? Will the dumper eventually come crawling back into your life someday, seeing how much you're happy living your life and moved on? Will the dumper regret dumping you and back down on their words when said about never getting back together? I know when a dumper says that. The wounds still feel fresh but are slowly healing. They are at that stage where they moved on while you're behind. I believe in the saying that you don't know what you got till it's gone. I love my ex very much! I believe his words when he says that I am important to him and that he will be there for me. Trust me, in this day and age I have a hard time trusting peoples words but his words always speaks the truth. Even tho he said he doesn't see us getting back together. In my gut, I believe we will not anytime soon, or next month or next year. If it's meant to be, it will come back. I'm not waiting obviously! I have a lot more experiences then he does relationship wise since I am his first. I always expressed him my hurt in the past with guys and told him he will feel the same I once did. It's funny cause out of all the guys I've been with, he's the only one that I still talk with despite how hard I was handling the break up, he stood there. Never thought I would be friends with an ex even tho I only had 2 relationships lol but have dated in the past but all of them left and never became friends. This one, man we do care for each other! I love to hear peoples input about this.
BustedUpInside Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I am not exactly sure what you are asking. If you are asking if you and your ex should remain friends, then I think that you are really the only person who can answer honestly if that is the right choice. If you are asking whether your ex will eventually realize that he wants you back, that is not something that anyone on this forum will be able to answer with any certainty. However, if you will allow me to give you a little insight, it might help with your situation. It is obvious that you really really care about your ex and would like to believe that his motives for being your friend are pure. He is probably not being intentionally mean by hanging on, but it is giving you false hope about the future. You guys are not in a relationship and he has already made it really clear that he does not see the two of you ever getting back into a relationship. He wants to be friends because if you are willing to be friends then he doesn't have to absorb any guilt about the relationship. I mean, he couldn't have been that bad if you are willing to still be around him, right? This is really unfair to you. You should be taking this time for yourself. Instead of worrying about how he is feeling or whether you can remain friends, you should be focusing on feeling good about yourself and your future and what you can do to improve your own life. This is just my opinion, but I really believe that this friendship will ultimately end up hurting you. 2
maturityassets Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 (edited) Hey look my recent relationship my ex at first said that she hoped we would get back together one day. But after some attempts to be friends that ended up with us getting each other jealous she has said she doesn't wish to be more than friends in the future. I simply told her now that she needs to respect my wishes of no contact now even though I had already asked for it in the past. I will never accept my ex even if she did decide to come crawling back because it shows a lack of integrity on her part. I know you may believe that deep down your ex is that person you love but their actions and words are who they really are. When they have made decisions that hurt you or are not empathetic to understand that you still love them even though they may not love you anymore romantically, then you have to evaluate whether they are being selfish in all of this. They dictate the break up and what happens afterwards? That wouldn't be fair. I would suggest no contact and moving on. Regardless how well the relationship was. My ex and I had a very special relationship, where lots of personal events happened for both of us while were in it and there were lots of firsts for the both of us. We were there for each other every step of the way. We hardly fought and had an amazing relationship. In the end though, if I do end up respecting her again, then I will conjure up the means to be friends. Other than that I think it is important for you to have some dignity for yourself and decide what is best for you. I'm not denying this person does care for you. My ex still wants me in her life and even expressed her desire for me to still call her whenever I need someone to talk to in order to show that she still cares, but I told her no. I had to deal with all those struggles myself. So me at this point. Its been a couple of months and I'm starting to see someone else. Still love the ex somedays but I still need my space in order that relationship to be over and done with Edited May 28, 2013 by maturityassets
Leigh 87 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 My ex told me the same things. He even said the break up was not forever, and he can see us getting back together again once we sort out our issues that ended the relationship. He said he has enough love to marry me but the R did not work out. IT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING. I PROMISE. They are not coming back. They loved and cared for us but this is not a Disny movie where they realise that we were the loves of their lives and come running back to us! It is hard for them; your ex and my ex KNEW they did not want to be with us in a relationship. Your ex made it very clear. As did mine, by his actions of leaving me. They miss us and it kills them TOO, to lose a women they invested so much of their emotions into! It does NOT MEAN they want us back in a relationship! It just means they will miss us a lot, because they are essentially saying goodbye to a person that was extremely close to them. ............................. Think logically. They had sex with us. They had strong feelings for us. They stayed with us. They felt very close to us. They were comfortable around us. They know they do not want a relationship with us, but it is still going to be hard for them to lose a women who they were very close to in every way. .............................. My ex held onto me for days after he left. He held me in bed at nigh the nights after. Days after, we met up and he held my hand, put his arm around me, and acted just like old times:sick: It felt lovely, but it does not mean he wants a RELATIONSHIP with me. It means that I am very special to him, I make him very happy when he is that close to me, but HE DOES NOT. WANT A. RELATIONSHIP. So now I am trying to cut him out of my life 100% with No Contact. ........................... Missing me is not enough to warrant me keeping him around in my heart and mind! I and in love with him and anything less than him wanting a RELATIONSHIP with me, is NOT. ENOUGH. For me to hold on to any hope. .......................... I wish you luck. I am telling you how it really is, through experience. I have read ONE success story of a second chance, the poster kiss_andmakeup had a guy that was really in love with her, left her doe to his commitment issues, only to come back after two months. Here is the kicker though: she moved on and had NO CONTACT with him whatsoever. She thought he was never coming back and mourned his loss. He came back because he loved her enough to get past his commitment issues. She had to get to know him again first before they just went and jumped in bed together again like old times though. Here is the thing: you DO no contact to get OVER your ex and never see them again. Yet, second chances can only EVER occur once your getting over your ex! Ours won't come back though, it is SEVERELY rare. Very rare trust me. Normally they do come back but with breadcrumbs - false hope. They want to check up on us to see if we still want them to boost their own egos. Please move on. I am. I had a very intense relationship and I was super attached. He even said all the things you want to hear at a break up, yet I know he only said them cos he missed me and was super attached to me, therefore letting go forever was hard for even HIM to comprehend. There is no hope of a second chance. That is what truly moving on is about.
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