IJustWantLove Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 My friends call me the "King Of The Flake". It's a fitting title. Where can I go to get help with my issue? I've been single for 6 years now. I've struggled repeatedly with this issue and now I've determined it's an issue that other men aren't struggling with as much as me. I've refused to try online dating up until last week. In the past, I'd meet a woman, we'd hit if off, she'd seem really interested. I'd ask her out, usually for a drink after work. She'd agree. Then, the day of the first date, I'll call around 3:00pm to confirm. It goes to voice mail. If she doesn't call back promptly, I know the pattern: she's flaking. 3/4's of the time they'll text to cancel with some lame excuse. The rest, the other 1/4 of them, they'll just vanish, radio silence, only to reappear with a text message a few days later. Over the last few months, while I had a girlfriend, I thought a lot about all those instances and figured all those girls must have had boyfriends. In fact, since the divorce, I've had 4 girlfriends. 2 of them had boyfriends when we met and started dating, both of whom slept with me on the first date. (I thought they were single) NOT COOL!!! Please don't think I'm being egotistical with this, but women always tell me how sexy and handsome I am. I get this all the time from women. Sometimes I actually start to believe it. But women make these compliments all the time. If I'm out with friends, and we start talking to women, the women almost always focus all their eye contact on me and practically ignore my male friends. It hasn't always been this way for me, but I've done a lot to improve my attraction with women and it looks like my efforts have paid off. A friend of mine, who is my age, and average in the looks department, he estimates that over his dotcom dating career, he's been on over 100 dotcom dates. He has NEVER been flaked on at the last minute like I get all the time. He's never experienced this even once. He says that if he gets a girl's number on a dotcom site, it always translates into a first date. ANother friend of mine, well, he's a great guy but just an ugly bast**d, he was able to get a few dotcom dates, and they didn't flake on him at the last minute. Me, on the other hand, I was supposed to have my first ever dotcom date last night. Less than two hours beforehand, I get a text message and she flakes. I had an assistant last fall that I talked to a lot about this very issue. She planted the bug in my ear that women might be intimidated by me. Since last night, that's really consumed my thoughts. If anyone wants to see what I look like, you can search AmericanWhiteGuy on plenty of fish. The way this is f****ing with my mind, well, let's just say frustrating is a major understatement. I want to get this issue figured out. My thoughts right now are that I need to make women feel way more comfortable with me before I can get the first date. I know for me, if I'm not that attracted to a girl, making the very first phone call is no big deal. As the attraction level goes up, the first phone call makes me more and more nervous. It was really bad for me years ago, now days, not much of an issue. So I can see where, for a woman, if the attraction is higher, the intimidation could be an issue. Maybe I should try way more contact via text messaging. But at the same time, I don't want them to throw me into the needy/clingy category. But if women are intimidated by me, wouldn't it be better to over-pursue than under-pursue? Is there a dating coach or service around that can be hired to help with an issue like this? Like, someone who could meet me in person, size me up, and then make an assessment of my problem and give solid advice? I've bought stuff from the seduction industry, but I'm fairly well convinced most of that stuff is geared towards guys who aren't like me.
kassy Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I'm not American so you might want to double check anything I say with an American. Dating seems to be a bit different there. You are good looking, but not scarily so. I think your pictures are the problem. You say you are a health freak but your photos all involve booze and cigars?! Also the one where you are sitting next to that lady and have your arm on her leg or something... Yeah that really has to go, looks really weird. So if the writing is true and you are a health freak then don't only put up photos of you doing non healthy things (you may do these from time to time, put up one photo of you drinking or eating pizza fine. But how about just some pics of you doing whatever you do on your time off? As a health freak, I'd be more attracted to you if you had a picture of you mountain biking or rock climbing or whatever. Also maybe you need more of an email rapport and then a good phone call with your dates before meeting them? Good luck 1
Author IJustWantLove Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Thanks, Kassy. The photos are the only ones I have where I've got a good smile. I know it looks like I've got my hand on that girl's leg. My ex-girlfriend was the one who took that picture and she thought the same thing. Actually, I'm holding onto the leg of the chair. I am a health freak, but I also like to have fun. Not interested in a girl who'd refuse to have a drink. Still, I don't see how that can explain the flaking. As for contact, what you describe is what I've done exactly. Any idea where I could hire a consultant for this sort of thing? Someone who could meet me and assess everything in person?
kassy Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Ok well get some new photos taken... If you think the problem is women are thinking you are a bit of a player from the profile... Change the profile and see if that helps. Sure you like to drink, no problem. But one photo is enough. There seems to be a disconnect between what you write and what you portray on the photos. That is your problem in my opinion. How does dating go when you meet people in real life? (Not off OLD). Maybe your chat isn't as good as you think. Maybe you are picking the wrong women. I don't know who could help you that you could pay.
Easyguy14 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Thanks, Kassy. The photos are the only ones I have where I've got a good smile. I know it looks like I've got my hand on that girl's leg. My ex-girlfriend was the one who took that picture and she thought the same thing. Actually, I'm holding onto the leg of the chair. I am a health freak, but I also like to have fun. Not interested in a girl who'd refuse to have a drink. Still, I don't see how that can explain the flaking. As for contact, what you describe is what I've done exactly. Any idea where I could hire a consultant for this sort of thing? Someone who could meet me and assess everything in person? Its the types of girls you're pursuing. Maybe if you go after less-sorted girls you might find better luck with keeping a date.
Author IJustWantLove Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Its the types of girls you're pursuing The girl who flaked on me yesterday initiated contact with me. It's normal for people to flake out from dating sites Then why aren't my friends running into last minute flakes?
edgygirl Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I never been there but I heard POF is the lamest site for "dating". Actually I hear it's mostly for hookups. How can you expect to meet quality people in a site like this? Is this where your friends get online dates too? At least try okcupid instead - also free.
shexy Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Just my opinion - if the women are flaking at the last minute, I doubt it has anything to do with your looks.
Imajerk17 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I realize I am somewhat late to this. I saw this over the weekend and didn't have a chance to reply until now. I'm not going to comment on your OLD profile, except to say that POF tends to have a "you get what you pay for" crowd. It's free to join while Match is not, so it attracts the people who won't invest the $30/month for their dating life, so... Try Match instead. Why women might be flaking on you IRL: Being really good-looking can be a double-edged sword. A girl won't meet up with a guy again just because he is good-looking. There has to be something more there. In your case, the women might be able to rationalize away their attraction for you based on you being good-looking = no meeting up again. Something similar could be said for a guy with really good game. Your average-looking friends don't have this problem. If one of your average-looking friends is out and he connects with a girl, then she is still there because she is drawn to him for something other than looks. She will go home an explain her attraction to him as "there was just something about him". It might help in your case to cash in some of your attraction and express some vulnerability. You might connect with the girl more which will make it more likely she will meet up with you.
Maleficent Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 If you want to find a serious relationship, don't go on a free site. match.com isn't too bad. Thing is, people who want to find flings online don't go on paying sites. So They're all on okcupid and POF. A few weeks back, I went into a sort of 'thing' where I didn't want a relationship at all so I posted an okcupid profile looking for a FWB. Oh the number of emails I received!! I literally spent a week end on my computer. got tons of pictures of dicks and had three cam shows.
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