Only happy when I have plans/get attention.

[fiftyofsomethin]

Something I have noticed as of late is that I am never truly happy or content unless I have (mostly social) plans lined up for at least the next week. If not, I feel I am moving backwards or just regressing in some way.

 

It's like a drug. It's addictive. If people are paying attention to me or are giving me praise for whatever seems to be worthy of praise, I am very happy, content, and confident. I have no doubts. But then, the second I don't have something going on like a party or I'm not hanging with friends, I start worrying about what everyone else is doing and why I'm not doing something. Or like another example is when I had school, I wouldn't like to be the first one to leave in fear that I would miss out on something that would happen after school by getting home right away and sitting by myself.

 

Like for example, my graduation ceremony was yesterday. I had a couple of grad parties afterwards, and I posted a status on Facebook that got a considerable amount of likes on it. (I know how damn vain that sounds, but hell, it made me happy for some reason). And now, the day after, I have no social plans and no attention from others. I know there are other grad parties that are going on that I wasn't invited to, I'm not particularly annoyed at that, but I am annoyed somewhat that people are out having fun when I am not. I feel like I need a million positive things going on in my life for me to be happy, I cannot seem to feel happiness unless this is true. And also I noticed that once I HAVE a full schedule AND attention from others, all I want is MORE of it. It's truly like a drug.

 

This is honestly one of the biggest things that bothers me is that I am seemingly not happy unless I get recognition or acceptance or approval from other people. It's this very misguided priority that is causing me to have very unstable happiness levels. I am mostly reliant on others for my happiness which needs to change big time.

 

If anyone has any suggestions for how I can ease my way out of this, I would be very very appreciative. I know this is not healthy at all, but I also know that I am not alone in this.

Edited May 27, 2013 by fiftyofsomethin

[will1988]

I am kind of the same way. I get a little hurt and insecure when my friends, for whatever legit reason, either flake our on weekend plans or just can't make it. Then again, I'm different. I need social interaction because during the week I can't hangout with anyone beside my fiance (work and school), and when my friends can't hang out it means no real friend social interaction for another week or so. I've found that these feelings stem more from boredom than the do for a need of attention. Humans are mostly social creatures, we need interaction with our "pack". However, if we filled our free time with enjoyable things, then we find that we do not need to be around the "pack" as often. When I am utterly bored and tv and video games do not do the trick, I take my dog for a walk and play with him. If I'm feeling uninspired but want to be creative, I just build model tanks. To me it sounds like you are used to a heavy social life and a lack of alone time. Pick up a new hobby. Who knows, you might even enjoy it, and make new friends through said hobby.

 

good luck!

[fiftyofsomethin]

Thanks so much for the advice.

 

I have been told many times to pick up a hobby and I would love to but I have this damned annoying urge to be "in the loop" and not just sit by myself. Having a hobby to me just signals being alone and I just need to find some way to place my priorities in the right place.

 

I cannot continue to go through life with all these vain worries about what people think of me, what they are doing, and what I'm not doing.

[will1988]

What about a hobby that involves other people? Do you like animals? What about voluntering at your local animal shelter. Do you like sports? What about joining a recreational sports club? Do you like to read? Book club etc...

[LuckyLady13]

fifty, you are so hyper! Take some time to really think about that aspect of your personality. It's a quality to have.

 

Before I ran into a serious health problem, I was just like you for almost my entire life. Going at the speed of light all the time and if I didn't have plans for the future, I felt like I was sliding backwards fast and the world was going to fall apart or something. I didn't look for attention (and there was no Facebook for likes) but I had to have plans. Had to!

 

Think about who you are compared to most people you meet. You just want to go, go, go and that's a good thing. You're going to accomplish so much in your life because of this. If you can really focus this constant desire and addiction to move forward to more productive things...you've got it made.

 

Speaking of plans, where do you want to be ten years from now? Well, what do you have to start doing to get on the road to getting there? Start those plans!

 

A hobby is great but it's going to occupy you for a bit and that desire to move and go, go, go is going to nag you right out of your hobby, most likely.

 

As long as you can accept that you're waking up "on fire" every day and a lot of people aren't, you'll be okay with who you are and better able to take a step back, look at yourself objectively and start using this energy to meet some very serious goals in your life. And one day you'll look back and they will be some amazing achievements.

[fiftyofsomethin]

fifty, you are so hyper! Take some time to really think about that aspect of your personality. It's a quality to have.

 

Before I ran into a serious health problem, I was just like you for almost my entire life. Going at the speed of light all the time and if I didn't have plans for the future, I felt like I was sliding backwards fast and the world was going to fall apart or something. I didn't look for attention (and there was no Facebook for likes) but I had to have plans. Had to!

 

Think about who you are compared to most people you meet. You just want to go, go, go and that's a good thing. You're going to accomplish so much in your life because of this. If you can really focus this constant desire and addiction to move forward to more productive things...you've got it made.

 

Speaking of plans, where do you want to be ten years from now? Well, what do you have to start doing to get on the road to getting there? Start those plans!

 

A hobby is great but it's going to occupy you for a bit and that desire to move and go, go, go is going to nag you right out of your hobby, most likely.

 

As long as you can accept that you're waking up "on fire" every day and a lot of people aren't, you'll be okay with who you are and better able to take a step back, look at yourself objectively and start using this energy to meet some very serious goals in your life. And one day you'll look back and they will be some amazing achievements.

 

Thanks so much for the advice!

 

Yeah, I mean I wouldn't exactly call myself hyper, but I definitely do feel this requirement for social interaction.

 

But in the last few days, I have been working on just building up my self-esteem and my ability to make friends and such.

 

 

Things that have helped:

 

Just believing you are awesome, no matter what. If you find negative things, turn them around to prove you are awesome.

 

Assume things will end well. If you have an upcoming event, expect the best outcome you want to happen to happen. And well, most likely it will if you feel this way.

 

Also just sort of cold turkey stop caring what people think.

 

 

I will admit that although these have worked well so far, I need to constantly convince myself it's okay to keep thinking this way. It's just how I am, I am always doubting myself, so I need to figure ways to stop that!

 

I also could work on my eye-contact a LOT haha.

 

Well, I believe I have gotten this thread sufficiently off-topic.