youngbutoldsoul Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend of 2 years left me 2 months ago. He is 19 and I am 20. And just to clarify, we are both males. I dated him when he was a senior in high school and I was a freshman at community college. I was his first love, so I pretty much showed him everything. We were both from different towns, and were not "out" with our family, so seeing each other once/twice a month was considered lucky. We applied and both got into a world-class university out of state. Moving far from our families and living in the same apartment (seeing each other MUCH more frequently) was our grandest accomplishment after the challenges of dating that first year. We both were serious about our commitment to each other and we agreed to even save sex for later in the future. We work great as a team but ever since we moved to school together, circumstances made us both stressed out and we argued too frequently. My boyfriend pulled the trigger on me two months ago, saying that he just doesn't feel the same way anymore. He cares about me but he just wants to be my friend. I made the mistake of begging for him for a full month, getting him flowers, surprising him with home-cooked meals as soon as he steps home or whenever he wakes up, and he was receptive to all of my efforts. He told me he needed the whole summer to think about things because he feels torn between his heart and mind. One day, he suddenly tells me to stop doing nice things for him because it makes him feel guilty. He says he just wants to be single and find happiness within himself and he's not looking to date, have intimacy, or be in another relationship because he thinks they're too much of a headache. However, I found out that he has been using a gay dating app (more like a hookup app) to meet up with guys. He's infatuated with another guy (who is a drug and alcohol user; things he always claimed to HATE). He doesn't know that I know about this information and he acts like I don't exist whenever we see each other in our apartment. He's already been sexual with this guy from day 1…..and it's a complete shocker because he and I were never intimate until 6 months of dating….we genuinely built a meaningful relationship. He's never home anymore (most likely over at that other guy's house). Occasionally he texts me and wishes me a happy weekend, which I DON'T understand the reason for that. It seems like he changed into a completely different person. He had a solid sense of identity, strong character, and despises the promiscuous culture that he is now experiencing.....HOW?!!? This guy told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I still want that to be true. Is this a case of GIGS? I blame myself so much for contributing to his loss of feelings because of our arguments. We both move out of our apartment in one month when the lease is over. He even admitted that he knows I truly love him with my whole heart but he doesn't want to be in a relationship. What can I do to increase the chances of him coming back? Edited May 27, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I think you need to call him out on his lies. he has absolutely no respect for you, why should you have, for him? His behaviour is both callous and inconsiderate. Do not entertain any kind of friendship with him because sure as eggs is eggs, this will happen. The schytt will almost certainly one day, hit the fan, with regard to his new affair-mate. And he will come running back to you for comfort, support and help. never be the second option. Ever. be good and fair to yourself. This guy is young. Well, so are you, but you need to leave him be. Distance yourself and put an end to this subterfuge, deceit and frank and bloody rudeness.
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 I think you need to call him out on his lies. he has absolutely no respect for you, why should you have, for him? His behaviour is both callous and inconsiderate. Do not entertain any kind of friendship with him because sure as eggs is eggs, this will happen. The schytt will almost certainly one day, hit the fan, with regard to his new affair-mate. And he will come running back to you for comfort, support and help. never be the second option. Ever. be good and fair to yourself. This guy is young. Well, so are you, but you need to leave him be. Distance yourself and put an end to this subterfuge, deceit and frank and bloody rudeness. While I was in despair and extremely fragile, I reached out to one of our mutual friends to ask how he's doing. She said that he claimed he's WAY happier than he's EVER been with me. I'm more of a homebody...and not your typical wild college frat boy like his affair-mate, so I suppose having someone wild to makeout and dance with at parties is what makes him happy during college. Our relationship ups and downs was "suffocating" to him. It totally crushed my dreams. We worked so hard to get into a well-known university together, we talked about earning our degrees in 2-3 more years, and become engaged. He BEGGED me to leave him alone so he can be single and said he has finally come to terms with a life without me.......... We had something so genuine and precious, something that's hard to find in the gay community, and he's pursuing his infactuation with someone new rather than work through this mess with someone he says he KNOWS loves him very much (me).
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Read this and know this for sure: He genuinely has no ability to see further than his nose right now.
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 Read this and know this for sure: He genuinely has no ability to see further than his nose right now. Wow, that is a very insightful article. Maybe I shouldn't get into another LTR until my mid-20's (only kidding). He's extremely concerned for his affair-mate's well-being and he know I was recently hospitalized and shows he doesn't really care. It's bizarre to me how he is putting in 200% effort to create fun/happy memories with someone new when he never did that for me in the relationship. We used to save up quarters and collect receipts of our dates to keep track of our spendings and now he is out just splurging money. I wish he'd come back before it's too late, you know? I suppose it already is....
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 He may have this affliction to his personality, too.... And you might well be kidding here.... ......Maybe I shouldn't get into another LTR until my mid-20's (only kidding). .....but there's many a true word said in jest. 1
Author youngbutoldsoul Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 He may have this affliction to his personality, too.... And you might well be kidding here.... .....but there's many a true word said in jest. I followed your advice and I spoke to him. He told me "I don't know if you know how this feels like....but I'm genuinely happy, happier than I've been in an extremely long time. I've just had the worst times being in a relationship and I can now be in control of my own happiness. I suggest you learn to do the same"...... How can he ever come to his senses and realize that I truly loved him, something that is difficult to find? He is convinced this new life = true happiness to him.
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