lemonadekiwi Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 we haven't spoke in 17 days. and i am just having a really really bad weekend, i keep dreaming of him and waking up feeling sick. it's just affirming in my head that he doesn't want me, doesn't wanna be with me at all - he hasn't bothered to contact me. and it just hurts so much. i won't contact him, because he was the one to break up with me. i want him to know how badly i'm hurting but also don't want to give him the satisfaction. i hate this pain, the tightness in my chest, i miss the good times with him and i keep replaying them in my head and how things went wrong...how one evening he's swinging me round and kissing me in a bar then a mere 3 days later says he doesn't want to be with me anymore and rips me apart. i keep forgetting the things i was unhappy with, because the good overtakes everytime and it makes me sad and long for him. i thought going this long would make me feel better but i feel worse because it's just the realisation that he is choosing every day to NOT talk to me/be with me. sorry this is the most pathetic thing i've ever posted. guess I feel like I was really nothing to him.
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Quit thinking with your heart and give your head a chance.... He in all probability has a personality disorder. This guy is in probable need of psychiatric/psychological support. His charm is almost irresistible. He says all the right things and presses all the right buttons. Be with him, and he will soon completely stand that on its head. Like he did before. he is confusing and emotionally draining. He's damned hard work. And you're not the one who needs to be working on him. 2
KPChick000 Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Sorry that you're having a bad weekend. Take some comfort in knowing that you're not alone. I am about two months NC and it's still hard. But, I know it will get better eventually- for you and for me. Sometimes, it gets worse before it gets better. You're telling yourself the right things- that he broke up with you so he doesn't get the satisfaction of knowing how much you're hurting. If you have to repeat this to yourself a thousand times, do so. I know it helps me. It's natural to feel rejected, forgotten, like he never cared, when the other party doesn't contact you. I still wake up sometimes and wonder how things came to be and how he could have moved on so effortlessly. But, likely the scenarios we create in our heads are exaggerated.
aisuru Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 It gets better. I'm here to tell you that. I'm beginning week 4 of no texts, emails, calls though I can count on one hand the amount of contact we've had in over 9 weeks. You will be up and down over the weeks to come. You just have to take advantage of this time alone to take care of YOU. It's hard to miss them, deal with the rejection, and wonder the 'what ifs' but those thoughts and feelings do dissipate over time. I promise you.
Author lemonadekiwi Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 yeah...i'm hoping it's a case of feeling worse before feeling better. it's taking me all my willpower to not contact him that i miss him and try and re-add him back on fb, the only thing stopping me is my pride - knowing he broke it off, not wanting to look stupid and that it's not gonna mean anything to him if i do. it's not gonna make him realise 'hey i totally forgot how much i want to be with you' the sad thing is - i shouldn't miss him. he didn't treat me well towards the end.
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 No - he began to treat you badly from a short way in. his moods were hot and cold, he was moody, sullen and was an absolute pig. And you know it. This guy began to get impossible and it just all spiralled down from there. His process with his ex- should have told you that - he didn't know WHERE the phukk his brain was - and I'm convinced he still doesn't. People with personality disorders (and either ignorant of it, or in denial) are usually really charming and disarming. It's a tool they begin to use to manipulate people, and it's a scam - a façade, a ploy designed to make you like them enough, so that when the 'real' them emerges, you will have been drawn in and sufficiently 'charmed and disarmed' to stay sufficiently suckered in. In their lowest moments, they KNOW what they're really like. And they know it's ugly. You honestly SHOULD be counting your blessings you escaped relatively intact. 1
Kristopher1 Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I am so glad I don't have FB. I always thought it's too time consuming. I'm happy I can chillax without the need to check FB! 2
jehcann Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 im on day 15 of NC. im going insane as well. im in the same situation. i had a 6 hour skype conversation with my man the next day we talked for 4/5 hours and he ignored me for 2 days and then texts me outta the blue saying it was over and that he was going to be with his ex and he hasnt tried talking to me since. i feel exactly how you do. it sucks and it hurts but all we can do is try to move on. you're doing the right thing by doing NC just remember you didnt give up he did. you'll get through this in time! 1
Author lemonadekiwi Posted June 1, 2013 Author Posted June 1, 2013 thanks for your responses everyone TaraMaiden...you're absolutely right. I still haven't contacted him.... it's so hard, but now we've gone this long without speaking...just reinforced in my head so much that he never cared or thought that much of me. hurts still....and i find weekends i'm at my most down, which i don't get why. Still miss him, gah, why can't i just not care?
CelticGibson Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 The weekends are always the worst. It's the time you would have spent most with them, outside of the busy week. Take heart that you are 17 days down. Now imagine adding a one to that and making it 117 days. Imagine how you will feel by then. Each day is one step closer to letting go. Keep going...
TaraMaiden Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 thanks for your responses everyone TaraMaiden...you're absolutely right. I still haven't contacted him.... it's so hard, but now we've gone this long without speaking...just reinforced in my head so much that he never cared or thought that much of me. hurts still....and i find weekends i'm at my most down, which i don't get why. Still miss him, gah, why can't i just not care? Because you're not an 'Uncaring' person. you love, and you love, genuinely. He loves, but with deep and underlying agenda. The saying "He who cares the least, Controls the Most" is very apt and pertinent here. It's not even that you have to start caring about him, less. It's that you have every right to care about yourself, more. Right - and duty.
landshark Posted June 1, 2013 Posted June 1, 2013 Everything you've said (and more) is going through my head. We broke up five months ago and I couldn't discipline myself to carry through with anymore than 30 days of NC. This is day 32 for me and it has been pure hell, knowing that she has been seeing someone since February does not make it any easier. Enough about me, its for another post. My advice from the firepit would be, in the short term, 1) Realize that NC is the only, repeat only option here. If you contact him you lose 2) Read Tara Maiden's NC manifesto, it's sheer brilliance 3) Make a list of the good and bad things about him and dig deep, good, now put it on the fridge and look at it when you hit the darkest hours. Although I'm completely miserable as these strategies do nothing for my emotions, but get my head going in the right direction. If you do these things let me know how you feel, fellow traveler...
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