Meeting up with my ex

[rogersm]

So i posted here a couple times in the past 2 weeks since me and my girlfriend broke up. If you have been reading what I wrote you know that I love this girl. and I really deep down believe that we were made to be with each other. But, I also started to realize that she didnt want to be with me. That she chose to take me out of her life so she could focus on school and maybe see what other guys are out there. I started to move on but still wanted to try and get her back. Last Monday i asked her to hang out. She said she would let me know but then never got back to me. Until Friday when she asked me if i wanted to hang out this week. I had started to move on but i thought maybe she was realizing that she missed me. So i agreed. We are to hang out tomorrow. On saturday she texted me a couple times during the day to see how i was and see what I was doing. I realized she was looking on my fbook page to see posts i was tagged in. Then saturday night she texted me about my friend blocking her on fbook. I told her it wasnt a big deal and she shouldnt worry. But she said she isnt worrying at all because she has moved on. I said good for her and tried to stop texting her. She then asked if i was mad that she moved on and I told her no. Then she apologized for hurting me and I stopped answering

 

So thats the background. I know i should have went no contact most likely like everybody her has told me to do. But i didnt. Because I thought i could get her back by fighting with her and showing I still cared. I dont want to be her friend. I want to be her boyfriend. But if she has in fact moved on maybe i am just wasting my time by hanging out with her. Deep down i feel like she misses me but doesnt want to admit she is wrong. And i miss her obviously but dont want to be a pawn in her game.I am pretty much committed to meeting her tomorrow but I just dont know what to say. I feel like I should spill my heart out to her and tell her that if she doesnt feel the way I do then we need to stop contact and move on. But I also know that she is my best friend. and not having her in my life is going to be really tough.

[CelticGibson]

She's not your best friend because you don't want her as a friend, you want to be her boyfriend. She has told you she's moved on and I would heed those words. If you do meet up, you will be hurt because she won't reciprocate in any way. You can plead with her and tell her how you feel but personally I would leave well enough alone. You can't make someone love you no matter what you say to her. She has to be the one who makes the effort to get in touch and tell you that she wants to try.

 

Personally I would not meet her and just continue No Contact, how ever hard it is. In time you might be able to be friends once she's out of your system and you have moved on yourself but right now it's a no no...

[TaraMaiden]

From your other thread (no replies to date):

 

I posted here a week ago and everybody told me to go no contact. i didnt listen and asked her to hang out. well she pretty much shot me down. Yesterday she texted me though and asked me to hang out. I said we could. I thought maybe she realized she missed me. So on Tuesday we are going to dinner. Today she texted me though asking about my friend who blocked her on facebook. I told her not to l worry. And she said shes not because she has moved on. I said good for her. And now i am mad and confused. Maybe she just wants me to beg for her back because she feels like o moved on. Or maybe she is just a bitch? What do you guys think? And what should i do?

 

Boy, you really are a mess, aren't you?

 

Honey, going to put it bluntly and it's going to sound harsh, but you are so into a 'big fat loser' situation, here..

 

You haven't been No Contact at all.

You just had stilted communication.

 

You need to give it at least 8 weeks before you get used to not contacting her ever again, and put being friends with her right out of your mind until the thought of her being jacked by another guy, merely makes you shrug your shoulders and ask..."Yeah? So what? Meh....."

Cancel the date.

If you want to, just tell her something's come up, and leave it at that.

Do not contact her again.

Stay No Contact, block all and every possible means of you calling her, texting her, emailing her, phoning her, seeing her on Facebook.... everything.

The lot.

 

And make damn sure she is equally completely unable to do the same to you.

 

Go No Contact.

Change your number (yes, you can, of course you can, don't be silly!) and delete all details of her.

 

do it.

it really truly is the only way you will stay sane.

[rogersm]

I understand what everybody is saying. And thats why I am so confused. I want to show her how much she means to me and how much i want her. But i just dont know how to do it when we dont talk at all. Maybe she decides we cant be togethor anymore. But I dont want to sit back knowing i didnt try. Has anybody ever had success getting back their girlfriend? Cause I would love to know how they went about it

[TaraMaiden]

I understand what everybody is saying. And thats why I am so confused. I want to show her how much she means to me and how much i want her. But i just dont know how to do it when we dont talk at all. Maybe she decides we cant be togethor anymore. But I dont want to sit back knowing i didnt try. Has anybody ever had success getting back their girlfriend? Cause I would love to know how they went about it

 

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (item 2).

First post = the Guide.

Every subsequent post = an absolute Must-read.....

 

You can't impress her by pestering her or 'trying'.

 

There is very little in trying, that is effective because it mostly makes you look like a clinging, desperate creep - in their eyes....

 

The only way to engender interest on her part, is to actually fall off her radar.

 

She is then far more likely to have her interest piqued, and contact you.

 

But you must - absolutely MUST - make sure you know well in advance, how to distinguish the thousands of breadcrumbs you are more likely to receive, from the extremely rare "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, forgive me, can we try again?"

 

Again - it's all in the Guide.

[CelticGibson]

Listen carefully: She already knows how you feel about her. Your protesting this in front of her is not going to re-enforce this in any way. In fact it's going to have the opposite effect of making you look like a desperate sad clingy fool. Do NOT do this or I promise you she will never see you as a man....ever.

 

Cancel the meeting and tell her that you have other plans. Do not elaborate in any way, she doesn't deserve a reason. Go cold on her, go No Contact and walk away and be a man about it. At the very least, she will respect you in the end. Whether she ever decides to come back and try again will only be possible if you do what we say, otherwise you can forget it.

[J_L_C]

Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (item 2).

First post = the Guide.

Every subsequent post = an absolute Must-read.....

 

You can't impress her by pestering her or 'trying'.

 

There is very little in trying, that is effective because it mostly makes you look like a clinging, desperate creep - in their eyes....

 

The only way to engender interest on her part, is to actually fall off her radar.

 

She is then far more likely to have her interest piqued, and contact you.

 

But you must - absolutely MUST - make sure you know well in advance, how to distinguish the thousands of breadcrumbs you are more likely to receive, from the extremely rare "I'm sorry, I made a mistake, forgive me, can we try again?"

 

Again - it's all in the Guide.

 

Listen to TaraMaiden!! I pestered my ex for 8 months and he eventually stopped talking to me altogether and took HIS idea of friendship right off the table. I've made two or so subsequent attempts at communication to which there has been NO response and likely never will be. I wish I had taken everyone's advice from the get go.

[emmalynro]

Why not meet her and tell her everything you've told us (I don't want to be friends, I want to date you, and I think maybe you still want to date me too)? Make it clear that you're not comfortable just being friends and you don't want to hang out that way. Maybe she hasn't moved on. Maybe she wants to tell you something. If she shoots you down then hey, there's your answer. But you'll at least have had the satisfaction of saying your piece.

 

If nothing else, this is an opportunity for closure. Be direct and ask for a direct answer in turn. I feel like if you cancel now you're just going to stress more about what you might've done or what she might've said instead, so you may as well get it over with.

[rogersm]

Why not meet her and tell her everything you've told us (I don't want to be friends, I want to date you, and I think maybe you still want to date me too)? Make it clear that you're not comfortable just being friends and you don't want to hang out that way. Maybe she hasn't moved on. Maybe she wants to tell you something. If she shoots you down then hey, there's your answer. But you'll at least have had the satisfaction of saying your piece.

 

If nothing else, this is an opportunity for closure. Be direct and ask for a direct answer in turn. I feel like if you cancel now you're just going to stress more about what you might've done or what she might've said instead, so you may as well get it over with.

 

 

That is how I feel. I have realized we cant be friends. So I need to tell her that. And maybe she will want nothing to do with me. But that is a risk I need to take.

 

I kinda feel like she doesn't want to let me go. But wants sometime too herself. She told me that she cut off contact with all of her other Exes. But decided to keep me in her life. I realize she is putting me on the back burner and it doesn't make me happy. But, I need to figure it all out if I can. I am not the kind of person to just cancel on her. She means to much to me. And i guess im too nice. And probably love blind. But, I want to talk to her and see where we stand now that we both have thought about everything. Even if it was for only a week. She is graduating from college in the winter and I think she just wants time to figure out her life. I cant say I blame her. But the fact that she doesn't want me there to help her hurts me. Especially since I had her by my side when I graduated last yr and was job hunting.

 

If things don't work tomorrow I will go to no contact though. I realize that I need to start moving on with my life for myself.

[McGriff]

My man, I just went through the EXACT SAME THING last weekend. She's been sending me breadcrumbs for the last month, inviting me to meet her on her terms etc. A lot of what you say, I've gone through recently...so here's what to expect. She will hang out, but it won't be the way you want it to be---no affection, just kind of keeping you at arms length, and then a little patronizing hug and pat on the back goodbye. After you guys part ways, you are gonna feel hurt and maybe angry. I say all this, because I just went through it! Look through my old posts from a week ago. I wish you luck. The best thing to do is like the other posters said, just give her some BS reason why you can't do it and drop off the earth. I wish I had done that. If you're gonna go through with it (and I know you are) you need to act as detached and uncaring as possible. Don't try and make her understand what she means to you and all that crap, cause it ain't gonna work, and it'll make you look pathetic. Heed the advice here, I'm begging you man...

[McGriff]

I even sent her a message about not being friends, again I posted it on here if you want to check it out.

[cavalier99]

She already dumped you once. Do you really want to go get rejected again and appear pitiful? Why?. To put your self esteem even further in the toilet?

 

What has changed? Absolutely nothing. Just go and stay NC. If she wanted to be with you she would. Sorry bro. Cav

[rogersm]

So i will just fill you guys in on what happened. She was supposed to text me today with the time she wanted to meet. And she never did. So i texted her tonight to ask what was going on. She said she was too tired to go out. And i said well thanks for getting back to me. Then it went downhill. She asked if I was mad and I told her no because I didnt care anymore. Then she said she didnt either. And i told her that I really didnt think she did anyway. Then told her we couldnt be friends and thanks for everything. She responded by saying that she had nothing left to say to me. And Bye.

 

Thats the end of us I guess. I feel like she will probably text me in a month or so and I will see how I am feeling. I am too nice to ignore somebody. But I am also extremelly fed up with her right now

[McGriff]

Yep. It's amazing how consistent all these exes are. Same ****, different story. You did the right thing though---it's gonna hurt, especially the next few days, but just know you did the right thing. I'm in the same boat a week ahead of you, and it sucks, it really does. I will probably not hear from her for a good while and that's a good thing, because if she contacted me, I know I would go off on her. Sorry it worked out the way it did, but you are not alone...

[CelticGibson]

"Thats the end of us I guess"....

 

No that's the end... period. Do NOT respond if she texts you. Go hardcore No Contact. If you want to have all the pain back in a month or two, go ahead and respond because you are too nice to ignore somebody. I promise you, you will be the one to suffer. Don't do it.

 

She has shown you now just how important you are to her that she flaked out of meeting you and then using the excuse that she was tired. Please! Can you not see that she doesn't deserve another second of your time? She doesn't deserve to be entertained in your thoughts. Walk away as of this moment and start to heal...

[rogersm]

Yea I agree with you Celtic. I finally realized she just doesnt want me in her life anymore for whatever reason. I didnt do anything to her at all. Yet it seems like she hates me. I just dont understand how people could burn bridges like that.