Author Loving_Me Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 I have come to the conclusion that being celibate is just so much easier. But at some point fairly soon I want to have sex again. I just think I'll have to find a way to shut down my emotions and not become attached to the guy or think about any possible future/relationship. I don't share or confide in anyone anymore about this issue or anything else - as you all suggested. It's tough but it's better than the opposite. Trying to keep up a journal so I have an emotional release of some kind.
newmoon Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 Is anyone else here celibate? If so, why and how do you deal with other people's reactions? Are any of them positive? I'm in my 20s and I've been celibate for the past three years following on from a traumatic relationship I had. I eventually ended it but I've just come to the conclusion that that I'm better off being relationship/drama free. I get attention from men but I really just don't want to hear it. I'm a strong and confident person and I think I can really do a lot more in life by myself. Whenever I try to discuss how I feel or what's on my mind with friends or family I'm immediately judged and shutdown, told that I HAVE to be in a relationship with someone. I'm sick of being judged and suffocated by other people's opinions so I've just stopped talking about anything personal with anyone. I'm hoping that this forum can be a space where I can just be myself...albeit anonymously. why do you feel the need to say anything to anyone? sexual choices are private and you're not forced to disclose this and then face 'judgment' . just be quiet about your choice, to family/friends/bfs. if you feel the need to talk about it then something about the choice might not actually sit well with you - if you were truly confident you would just go about your business and not worry about what others think; you'd feel confident enough to NOT discuss it, because it's central to who you are and doesn't need justification. discussion is usually to get others' views, so I'd say you're not confident but looking for support in your choice
RedRobin Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 I think being celibate is a perfectly normal reaction to a negative relationship... After my divorce I was celibate for nearly two years and highly recommend it for anyone who is recovering from a very negative situation. Celibacy is also a perfectly normal reaction to today's hookup culture and the deception that is coached and encouraged in dating these days. It's to the point that I tell people I don't 'date'. Noone wants to get to know each other anymore... the process of dating in itself doesn't add much to my life and has exposed me to some pretty disgusting individuals. So yea, I get it. You don't need to tell people you are celibate. Just like I don't tell people that I really don't drink anymore. It's not because I ever had a problem with alcohol...it's because even one drink gives me headaches. If I tell people I don't drink, they look at me askance... and I feel obliged to explain. So, when someone hands me a drink, tries to order one for me, etc, it is just a lot easier to say "thanks! I'm really enjoying my water right now!" and leave it at that. You can use a similar approach to your personal life. If people ask or push, just say "I'm really liking my life right now" then change the subject to talk about your latest project, or hobby... or some funny story. They'll get the hint. 1
Author Loving_Me Posted January 27, 2014 Author Posted January 27, 2014 why do you feel the need to say anything to anyone? sexual choices are private and you're not forced to disclose this and then face 'judgment' . just be quiet about your choice, to family/friends/bfs. if you feel the need to talk about it then something about the choice might not actually sit well with you - if you were truly confident you would just go about your business and not worry about what others think; you'd feel confident enough to NOT discuss it, because it's central to who you are and doesn't need justification. discussion is usually to get others' views, so I'd say you're not confident but looking for support in your choice I am not a robot who computes everything and feels nothing. I was simply trying to explain that I wanted to be able to talk about what I was thinking and feeling with a real non-judgmental friend. I wanted my friendship to be reciprocated as other people could tell me anything and receive support. Last year, months after my original post I discovered that I didn't have any genuine friends and couldn't discuss anything meaningful to me (work, goals, interests) so I stopped trying to connect on a non-superficial level with friends/family. So now I keep my thoughts to myself and bottle them up.
Iguanna Posted January 27, 2014 Posted January 27, 2014 If you do it cause it's your honest choice, then nobody can change your mind or accuse you. But if you do it out of fear, remember that fear is the worst feeling ever. Nothing good comes out of it.
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