ConfusedT Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 This last month has been hell for me! I'm not sure how to explain it, I left him, but I've been calling him-not to get back together, just to fill some void in my life, that I must learn how to fill myself. In addition to everything else I had going on in my life, the breakup could have NOT happened at any worse time, literally in my life. I've broken NC a million times and no matter what will have to continue LC for the longest time, I am actually OK with that at this point.. But you know what, I realized quite a number of things.. (this is copied from my handwritten journal btw) 1. The relationship is NOT the end of your life. It is the end of a story in your life. And like all things, it will either work out or it wont and you will get past it either way, at some point. 2. Toxic/Volatile relationships are simply harder to get over. There tends to be underlying issues in BOTH parties (co-dependency, anger, narcissism, low self esteem) that simply makes the break uglier, harder and worse off for both people included. *Please note, I'm not saying that regular breakups aren't difficult, I just think personal issues make them MORE difficult! 3. You cannot under any circumstance change anyone in the entire world. You CANNOT, period, point, blank- if they wanted to change, they would change. Not because you told them to unfortunately. 4. Low self worth and low self esteem makes you hold onto things that really aren't there and chase things to fulfill what you should be able to fulfill within yourself. Therapy, friends, time and learning how to love yourself again should help reverse all of these horrible choices. 5. The past truly dictates the future UNLESS there is significant change within a person. Don't keep going back or accepting breadcrumbs when they are just stringing you along for their own ego or other reasons. 6. Learn to see the red flags before you fall for the person. THERE ARE ALWAYS, ALWAYS red flags in people. *Multiple kids from different mothers, addiction issues, anger issues, gossip (sometimes it's true), how they treated their past partners, fidelity, secrecy, etc. 7. You DESERVE to be loved, fully and completely by someone. You don't deserve half-love, sometimes love, sex love, you deserve pure, passionate and amazing love. If that is not what you're experiencing and there is more bad times than good, you are wasting valuable time with the WRONG PERSON!! 8. Focus on "you" not "us". There is no more US, there is no more them. You are your own person and there is a reason they are not in your life anymore. This is the best time to sit down and actually analyze what you can better about yourself, not what you COULD have done to fix things, because honestly, if they left you, they had already emotionally left you prior to their actual exit. Stop stalking, stop obsessing, if you look for things, you'll find things. 9. There is no specific amount of time that it takes to heal. Some people get right over things (emotionally unavailable) and some people take much longer (co-dependents). Don't beat yourself up because you're not over it in some specific amount of time- things will get better! 10. No matter how much it hurts, physically, emotionally, mentally, you WILL get through this. You will overcome this. It will make you stronger. If you break NC a million times, just try again. If you begged and pleaded on your knees, stay there and start praying to God instead. Use what is left of your self respect to respect yourself. Cry as long as you need to, until there is nothing left to cry. DO WHATEVER you need to do to get all of the emotion out. Then one day, you will wake up and realize that everything you've gone through, everything you endured brought you to exactly where you need to be! I'm honestly not to that point yet, but I know it is coming and I can't wait to be there. I have been broken, hell I am broken, but I am working on repairing myself slowly and I promise I will get there, no matter how many times I struggle, I will never fall, even if Im the only one picking myself back up. Thanks for reading & good luck!! 16
Author ConfusedT Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 What does PIN mean? Thank you! I've been journaling a lot lately! It brings a little more clarity to my situation. 1
siankat Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 What does PIN mean? Thank you! I've been journaling a lot lately! It brings a little more clarity to my situation. it means to highlight permanently so anyone visiting this forum can see your thread at the top, no matter how long ago it was you last posted ie negating the need to 'bump' your post up to be top of the pile so that everyone can see it and so it doesn't get lost amongst the other posts. Ask the ls moderators! I've just asked them myself as well but maybe, the more the merrier?
Author ConfusedT Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 How do I ask them? Im sure that would be great! People need to read and see reality as much as possible. Hell, those are my words and I've read them quite a few times today. I am happy to say that I didnt break NC today either & I've been in a much better mood! We'll see how long that lasts, but hell, today has been a really good day!! The nights are the hardest, not for him since he already has a permanent booty call.. lol But i respect myself too much to be a booty call, I'd rather be alone...
Ginko_Mushishi Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Thanks for sharing. It really helped. I'll give you a little something that is also helping me a lot: The pity train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On, and crashed into We all Have Problems, before coming to a complete stop at Get The Hell Over it. Any complaints about how we operate can be forwarded to 1-800-waa-waa. This is Dr. Sniffle reporting live from Quitcher B*tchin'. Every time I read this it makes me smile... really helps me.
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