aussie sam Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I'm a 25 year old Australian male living in a Münich Germany. I have been here for a year but all the girls that I have been with here are foreigners too. I find that I really click and am on the same wave length as these people but I've started to want to try and integrate more…. I met this incredibly good looking 22 year old (German) girl at a party the other week and she showed quite an interest and added me on Facebook before she left. I have only managed to see her a couple of time since then which happened to be big events with her friends so I still haven't gotten a chance to know her that well. I told her that I had fun and that it would be nice to see her again without so many people. She agreed enthusiastically but then canceled the date we made and rescheduled it into another date where her friends would come too. I'm confused. My cultural instincts tell me that this girl is either trying to friend zone me or is somehow uncomfortable with me (potentially the language barrier?). However I have heard and witnessed that Germans seem to be all about their close group of friends and that this might just be her seeing if I fit in or get the approval of her friends. I'm going on this date/just-friends-hanging-out thing in a couple of days but am very confused. I was hoping to get to know her first so that I could decide if there was any connection before pursuing anything else but that is very unlikely to happen in a group situation. Does anyone have first hand experience with this type of thing and have insight or advice? Many thanks!
Joaquin Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I'd go along if you've nothing better to do. If she puts out u could have a great time. German girls are so dirtay.
todreaminblue Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 you have only known this girl a couple of weeks....i would say its a safety thing......theres a language barrier so that si possibly causing some insecurity.....go on the date see hwo ti goes......report back with findings....ohhh and have soem fun you might just be able to if you let yourself relax into it....best wishes...deb 1
apple OR orange Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 rescheduled it into another date where her friends would come too. Which says she doesn't want to be alone with you, that should be a really loud message to you already? 1
FitChick Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 You have nothing to lose by going out with her and her friends, unless they expect you to pay for everything. I'd be especially nice to the friends and get them to like me, if I were you. Then, if she has doubts, they might talk her into it or if she definitely doesn't like you but they do, they might fix you up with someone better. Think positively! I heard Germans are very kinky. 2
kassy Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I'm dating a German guy. We don't live in Germany. Anyway apparently Germans do group dates for quite a while as they get to know each other. So I wouldn't be concerned at all if I was you. Go with the flow and see what happens. I love dating a German guy. So much fun. Once you are dating its awesome. They just say things as they are, which can be wonderful and totally not lol but once dating you always know where you stand. I think for an Aussie bloke it would be great. Just assume what they say is what they mean and don't read into anything, because they meant exactly what they said. From watching my boyfriend and his friends, dating seems to be something that goes sllllooowly at first. Like oh my god just kiss me already slowly. But once you get there, there is no ambiguity of are we exclusive or not etc etc. However these guys are in their mid -30's so not sure what dating in your 20's is like. It appears there are good reasons why Germans are not known for their suave dating techniques lol 2
FitChick Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Germans do group dates for quite a while as they get to know each other. Do they progress to group sex? 2
PogoStick Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 At least if she just friends you then you can start flirting with her cute friend who might realize you're a catch.
kassy Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Do they progress to group sex? Haha I highly doubt it. But I guess you never know. Must happen sometimes haha sorry picturing my boyfriend and his friends dating attempts with non German girls... It's just so far from ending in group sex it's hilarious. But hey im sure they aren't representative of Germans as a whole.
hppr Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 She and her friends are going some place fun and invited you, just go, have a good time etc no worries. It's not like she is asking you to take her and her 'best guy friend' out on the town or some BS like that.
edgygirl Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I'm dating a German guy. We don't live in Germany. Anyway apparently Germans do group dates for quite a while as they get to know each other. So I wouldn't be concerned at all if I was you. Go with the flow and see what happens. I love dating a German guy. So much fun. Once you are dating its awesome. They just say things as they are, which can be wonderful and totally not lol but once dating you always know where you stand. I think for an Aussie bloke it would be great. Just assume what they say is what they mean and don't read into anything, because they meant exactly what they said. From watching my boyfriend and his friends, dating seems to be something that goes sllllooowly at first. Like oh my god just kiss me already slowly. But once you get there, there is no ambiguity of are we exclusive or not etc etc. However these guys are in their mid -30's so not sure what dating in your 20's is like. It appears there are good reasons why Germans are not known for their suave dating techniques lol This was EXACTLY my experience with my German ex-bf in my 20s.
Author aussie sam Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Hey guys thanks for your help. I can't quote everybody here but here are some answers to your comments She speaks good english but is shy of doing so. Her friends speak better than her and I think that makes her feel a bit uncomfortable. When we text/email it is about 70% in German and 30% English but when I was with her friends they accommodated english because I can't keep up with their pace when they talk. I would actually be very happy to just be friends with her and her group but my problem is that so far even after seeing her twice since the party… I really don't feel like I know her at all. Last time we met was at a parade and she spent the whole time trying to organize meeting different people in her larger group so I actually ended up getting a lot closer to her friends than her. I even got the vibe that she was a bit disappointed that I didn't try to get closer to her that day but it just really wasn't working with all these strangers around that I was trying to meet and greet. Even with all my platonic relationships I value having at least a tiny bit of alone time to get to know someone. I guess that's just a cultural difference for me. I have quite a close group of Girlfriends here (who are also foreign) and they tell me (much to their frustration) that pretty the industry standard here is for the guy to be shy and not approach or make any moves on the girl but that she will pursue him. It's kind of a politeness thing. I have definitely noticed that with this girl and other German ones in my time here. My girlfriends and I assumed that since she seemed excited about a foreign boy, that she might also be sick of this model of apathy so I tried to take a more active approach and organize casual dates. She seemed to sound enthusiastic about them but has changed them to her own liking. As for paying for stuff, the girls are very independent here and don't expect that at all. I tested the waters lightly by offering when I was getting drinks but was declined. I guess the biggest confusion for me was that when I first met her, she didn't seem shy or anything and I got the vibe that she might have just been in to the idea of a bit of fun… and now this. In contrast I met a Swedish girl on Saturday night and she came home with me and it never felt weird or uncomfortable or like we were on different pages. That has generally been my experience with other foreign girls here. Anyways I'm excited by the abnormality and mystery of this situation but I'm just treating it as friends from now on. I'll let you all know how it goes…. 1
Author aussie sam Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 Also those who have spent at least a year outside of Germany fall under my "foreign" category.
Estate Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I'm a 25 year old Australian male living in a Münich Germany. I have been here for a year but all the girls that I have been with here are foreigners too. I find that I really click and am on the same wave length as these people but I've started to want to try and integrate more…. I met this incredibly good looking 22 year old (German) girl at a party the other week and she showed quite an interest and added me on Facebook before she left. I have only managed to see her a couple of time since then which happened to be big events with her friends so I still haven't gotten a chance to know her that well. I told her that I had fun and that it would be nice to see her again without so many people. She agreed enthusiastically but then canceled the date we made and rescheduled it into another date where her friends would come too. I'm confused. My cultural instincts tell me that this girl is either trying to friend zone me or is somehow uncomfortable with me (potentially the language barrier?). However I have heard and witnessed that Germans seem to be all about their close group of friends and that this might just be her seeing if I fit in or get the approval of her friends. I'm going on this date/just-friends-hanging-out thing in a couple of days but am very confused. I was hoping to get to know her first so that I could decide if there was any connection before pursuing anything else but that is very unlikely to happen in a group situation. Does anyone have first hand experience with this type of thing and have insight or advice? Many thanks! The only advice to really deal with it is probably not what you want to hear. Ask her out again, by herself, if she turns you down or tries to invite her friends make it clear that you were asking her to see her 1-on-1, you'll meet her friends plenty. Be firm but fair about it. If you turns you down just plain drop her. It's not worth the pain and effort trying to chase her on her terms. If she agrees then you need to go for broke, you need to make it a date, not something lame like coffee and you need to kiss her and be a man, show her you want to be with her and you're not going to do the gay BFF thing with her. Be prepared to lose her, if she walks, it's no loss anyway.
FitChick Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 , you need to make it a date, not something lame like coffee Tell her you know a place that has great sausage -- your apartment. 3
kassy Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Now about suggesting a coffee just the two of you before you meet everyone else? At least you are getting action in the mean time
Estate Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Now about suggesting a coffee just the two of you before you meet everyone else? At least you are getting action in the mean time How is a coffee " getting action"? Awful advice... ask her out and make it clear its a date, do not meet her friends. If she's not game with that, she doesn't like you, meet someone else who's worth the effort.
kassy Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 He took home a Swedish chick, the other day... To me that counts as getting action in the mean time, just not from German chick. It is Germany not America, dating is different. He can do whatever he likes, but if he wants to date Germans I imagine it'd be more useful talking to Germans than Americans (or people from elsewhere) 2
Author aussie sam Posted May 29, 2013 Author Posted May 29, 2013 It is Germany not America, dating is different This is very true. The rules are different here (with the locals) and I am learning them as I go. My plan is to just go on this orgy date thing and then not pursue anything actively after that. I'm sure if she is interested in more, then she will follow up actively (as per the rule book). I'm actually all for the friendship first thing when it comes to forming a strong relationship, but I got to be able to connect to this girl and at the moment I'm not feeling it. In the mean time sex with good looking girls really isn't that hard to get here. 1
kassy Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 I'm not sure Germans really have dating rules... And even as I type that I laugh... Because they have rules for everything. But good luck on the dating thing. From my experience its so weird at the beginning. A lot of wtf moments. Patience required in spades. But the relationship phase is such a laugh. A weird combination of quite reserved, lots of laughs, sport and beer, pretty kinky and bizarrely romantic (it's quite a practical kind of romance lol). Don't ever be late. Ever. Or mention the war lmao (fawlty towers reference) If not... Well the swedes are always a good fall back option hehe Sounds like fun, I'm sure you will enjoy exploring your options ha 1
Author aussie sam Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Ok so I just got back from this "date" thing. We went to an exhibition and I brought a gay friend that she had met before (she's a bit of a fag hag). He was great but I should have brought someone else that doesn't speak good german so that they would speak more english. Ooops Anyways it was uncomfortable and I didn't make any moves on her. Partly because it was a group setting and I didn't feel comfortable. But mostly because I don't know this girl and I haven't had any alone time to decide wether or not I want to pursue this. I got a message after which translates to "it was great fun with you guys!! :)". I just said something similar back and now I think I should leave this one to rest. 1
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