Author all_cats_rgray Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 I was a very normal girlfriend. What was my state I feel is a statement that is directed towards "why did he leave you", was it because of x, y or z. My attachment style, was heathy. I was very trusting. Their is a reason I had a 7 year relationship with my ex. Are state/ my state was steady and at tempo. The was very little wrong with are relationship. TILL demands cheeped up. We meet when we were 17, and the demand, expectation of marriage pressed heavy as we turned 25. Resulting in a young man fleeing from the prospect of the sentence of marriage. It's not that complicated. My state with in the few week of his drawing away was that of anxious, fearful. Justifiable; his actions were confusing. The distance was confusing. Looking back I didn't see it. A slippery slope. Regardless, here I am and here he is... basically on the other side of the earth. amaysngrace, i'm so sorry to hear about your past. It is the base of my arguments towards my therapist. I state " I was never assaulted/ sexually or other wise" I have to right to complain. EVER, Your right I have never had to deal with real issues. As a result I have had many successes in my life. And im sure you have had to work two folds then me. But regardless, I could state, "My life is not as traumatic as yours " thus "im weak pathetic, to struggle in anyway that i am today" How does this statement help me. All it does is result in self hatred and abuse on my part towards my part. Or I can say to myself. " My childhood did have bad parts that did effect me, even if they where not as tough as others have experienced, they did change a core aspect of myself, resulting in the self standing before me." Yeah maybe I was effected more then I should have been. Yeah maybe you where able to be stronger. Does this make me less worth, less of a person. Strength is a amazing quality. And as much as it does not look it. I am strong. I am strong enough to know I have to change and grow, and face the idea that I am not strong enough. Lol. I know thats a funny concept. But it's strong to know and desire change. Many people go through life without being humble and having acknowledgement of the weaknesses. AND strengths. Yes I have strengths, I am patience, empathetic, compassionate, and sensitive. Qualities that get little attention over being "strong". Again I can't imagine the strength you have. It's a gift many crave. 1
amaysngrace Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Thank you cats. I think it's great that you can recognize your strengths and weaknesses and realize that you are stronger than this. Your situation sucks and I don't mean to downplay that at all. Heartache hurts. But there is a time to accept that it's out of your hands to change it. I learned a while back that I better darn like myself, since I'm the one I'm going to spend every second of every hour of every day with for all of my life. Me. And that's why I think maybe that is something that you need to learn too. If you focus so much on him then you are only robbing yourself and you aren't being your own best friend. I think you need to learn how to do that. PS your therapist doesn't sound like they know what they're doing IMO if you have not made much progress in a year. I've seen plenty and yours seems to be taking more money than they're worth :/
stillafool Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 [quote=all_cats_rgray;4925613 And really I don't know why people look down on the ones that haven't moved on healed as fast as others. It is not a sign of weakness to love and care for someone. Especially to love and care for someone so much that the pain of losing them hits them deep. Personally I question the people that move on so fast about how detected they are from their emotions. Everyone wants to use logic to fight their way out of this. But we are not vulcans. Anyways, just some thought to think about. There is a mourning period expected after a breakup or a death but there comes a time when we have to face reality that this person is gone and move on. If you chose to wallow in your pain it will continue. I think it would be a good idea to stop talking about your ex. Not just here on LS but your therapist as well. You have been paying her for a year and still have not made any progress. At this point it would be more helpful for you to make up your mind that you are not going to let him occupy any more of your mind space. Get out of the house and do something physical. Fill your day and nights with fun things to do. Hang out with friends - basically anything to keep you busy enough not to think about him. Get an extra job. If you do these things you will heal but continually talking about him, thinking about him is not going to get you over him. Also you therapist doesn't know if he and his new gf will stay together or not and she shouldn't have told you that it won't last. I think it's better to believe it will last between them as this will take away any hope you're holding on to and help you get over him. Life is so, so short. Please do not waste another precious year of your youth mourning him.
Author all_cats_rgray Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 There is a mourning period expected after a breakup or a death but there comes a time when we have to face reality that this person is gone and move on. If you chose to wallow in your pain it will continue. I think it would be a good idea to stop talking about your ex. Not just here on LS but your therapist as well. You have been paying her for a year and still have not made any progress. At this point it would be more helpful for you to make up your mind that you are not going to let him occupy any more of your mind space. Get out of the house and do something physical. Fill your day and nights with fun things to do. Hang out with friends - basically anything to keep you busy enough not to think about him. Get an extra job. If you do these things you will heal but continually talking about him, thinking about him is not going to get you over him. Also you therapist doesn't know if he and his new gf will stay together or not and she shouldn't have told you that it won't last. I think it's better to believe it will last between them as this will take away any hope you're holding on to and help you get over him. Life is so, so short. Please do not waste another precious year of your youth mourning him. Again, lol, I do find this very funny. When people tell others to stop posting or talking about their ex's when they themselves are posting and talking about heart break themselves. Hypocritical alittle. Please don't take that statement to harshly. But that fact still remains I will stop talking about my ex when I want to. And that will be when Im over him. Not talking about my ex does not result in me being over him. It just results in repression and hiding. Trust me, I will stop boring my therapist about my broken heart one day. I'm sorry that today is not the day its happening. But the idea that iv been spinning my wheels this whole year is a joke. No I never post my the leaps and bonds i'v made this past year. Because I was to busy making them. I personally have never been happier and at peace then I have in years. I think thats called movement. And yes, I complained on the day of my ex's anniversary, about how he's dating a 19 year old virgin dancer when he dumped me with the statement I want a independent woman. Okay that was a run on sentence. And yes... But yes progress has been made. And everyone i'v run into is very surprised at how well im doing. AND even the hardest, emotionless men have told me. "A year is nothing." Nah, I'v crossed mountains. Indifference is around the corner.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 "If I spend all my time thinking about him and what he is doing, and he spends all of his time thinking about what he is doing, then who is left to wonder and care about me?" Well said!!
crazy1234 Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 So its been a year, since my seven year relationship ended. And the bright person that I am, creeped his facebook. Front row and center is a loving photo of him and his new girlfriend. He met his new girlfriend a month after we broke up, and they are going strong. I didn't think I could be replaced so easily. I, guess I have gotten better. Its just odd to see how moved on he is. And well, I'm not. It hurts to see that I am nothing to him now..his words. "well we had a great time" A year... I still stuck here. In so much pain. Please don't tell me I should be doing better by now. I KNOW THIS. I feel like im stuck in a Shakespeare play. How can I love someone so much, that does not care for me. I don't know what to do anymore. We all get replaced dear,sooner or later we all do and as much as it hurts its just the sad harsh and heartbreaking truth.Let him be and please don't stalk him its only going to hurt you.Do yourself this favour and promise yourself that u wont ever go through his pictures.Think about it in the long run.Years from now when u will be with you'r loved one,you wont even want to see his pictures even if you get a chance.So the 1st few days r bad and really really hard.So take as much less pain as you can.I'v been replaced too..and immediately(actually he left me for her)and i happen to make the same mistake,saw them not only on his fb profile but right infront of me passing by(cause he lives in my road..ironic isnt it?)But i came home,felt like my heart coming out in my hands but i felt okay after a while.So the point is we all go through it.Its going to be okay.And soon u will replace him too with a much much better person.:)its only a matter of time.
Inviv_girl Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 So its been a year, since my seven year relationship ended. And the bright person that I am, creeped his facebook. Front row and center is a loving photo of him and his new girlfriend. He met his new girlfriend a month after we broke up, and they are going strong. I didn't think I could be replaced so easily. I, guess I have gotten better. Its just odd to see how moved on he is. And well, I'm not. It hurts to see that I am nothing to him now..his words. "well we had a great time" A year... I still stuck here. In so much pain. Please don't tell me I should be doing better by now. I KNOW THIS. I feel like im stuck in a Shakespeare play. How can I love someone so much, that does not care for me. I don't know what to do anymore. Hey- first of all I want to give you BIG hug!! this is like my writing! I feel for you 100%!! 9 months post BU and Im still feeling crap! People told me to see other guy, date him so I went out tried to date another guy, but it didnt work for me! my feeling still with my ex all the time! I go crazy, sad and hurt. I did all what people told me to do, stay busy, meet new people etc etc etc... and yet Im still drawning in this blue. SO help me god and to know Im not alone is comforting
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