Will she come back or have I lost her?

[Maffy18]

My girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me yesterday by text but I went to see her to finish it in person, she says she still loves me and wants to continue to be her best friend, as we are/were really close. I don't know what to do, she said to me I still want you in my life but for now it is goodbye.

 

I think she is having a rough time as she has final exams ongoing at the moment, she said I was being to clingy but I justified this by reminding her my mum is in hospital seriously ill and I just needed her to be with me and help me through it but she continued with her decision. She said I was the best boyfriend a girl could have,and her friends were always saying to her how lucky she is to have me as i am good to her and im not afraid to show i love her, and i was always there for her when she needed me to be.

 

I don't know what to do like should I leave her alone completely or try and maintain contact? I'm having quite a distressing time as you can probably tell and I am feeling very low. Currently I've not spoke to her since the break up and the last thing she said to me was goodbye. We've been through a lot with each other and I am hoping or feeling she might want me to take her back or that she will miss me, as we have had breaks etc before. I'm positive there is nobody else as she isn't that kin of person.

 

Any ideas or advice on how I can get through this? Do you think she will come back like she has before? I love her so much and I'm heart broken by this. I've done so much for her and I just feel as if its all wasted, she says she will never forget me but I just have a lingering feeling she will come back, am I wrong?

 

I'm trying to keep going with the no contact rule but I'm missing her and hurting a lot, and I just feel her ending it now was really unfair and selfish as I needed her Caring nature and reassurance as my mum is ill. We have ha breaks before and shes always came back, the last thing she said to me was "goodbye, i love you." is all Hope Thoughts?

Edited May 27, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TaraMaiden]

First of all, I'm really sorry about your mum.

That sucks, and I hope it's nothing too detrimental.

Secondly, it's a sad thing that she's chosen this time to do it, but I suppose you could think of it this way: to have prolonged your relationship with you, when her heart has already left, would be deceitful and cruel, and leading you up a blind alley....

 

I would say at this point that her request for friendship is something you should turn down absolutely flat.

Do not even consider it, and I will tell you why:

 

Quite apart from the fact that you are vulnerable and need genuine friends around you right now, and not an ex who has just stripped your heart to bits, her asking you to be a friend to her is for her ego and benefit, not yours.

it relieves the guilt - particularly considering the timing of her ending it - and she just wants to believe that if you can keep on being her friend, then you have forgiven her.

 

You cannot continue to be a friend to her, because it is unfair to expect you to be able to lay all loving feelings aside and just be her 'good buddy'.

 

Can't be done.

 

Please read the No Contact Guide in my signature (item 2).

The first post is the guide.

But the rest of the thread is well worth reading too.

 

Again, I'm sorry you're going through a difficult time....

 

But it may be small consolation to know that when Caliguy wrote this Guide originally, his GF dumped him while he too was experiencing what you are going through with your mum.... and he worked in the same building as she did.

 

Go No Contact.

And put this idea of hers - "We can still be friends, yeah?" - right in the trash where it belongs....

[CelticGibson]

Let me see....

 

She broke up with you over a text (nice :/).

 

She then went on to request friendship because she "still loves you (as a friend)".

 

She told you that you were "the best boyfriend a girl (not her by the way) could have".

 

Don't believe a word of it. She only wants to be "friends" to ease her guilt at having to end it with you. Especially the method in which she did it.

 

What you need to do is go No Contact right from this minute. She's not coming back I'm afraid and she's moving on. It's only been 8 months so maybe the crisis you were going through was too much for her to handle, who knows but you must understand that all these statements she made indicate she may love you as a friend but is not IN love with you any more.

[Maffy18]

Thanks for all the messages. And the nice words for my mum. The break up was just so sudden you know, I saw her 2 days before hand and we were really intimate and she told me she loves me, which is a common thing for her, the trouble is I think, she is a free spirit and she talked about how she is scared of being committed, even though she was committed for more than half a year, and I was never controlling, I said to her when we first hooked up "cheating is the line, otherwise do whatever the **** you want." So I don't know what she means by saying she can't handle it. She also talked about how she doesn't know what she wants, she wants me and on the other hands she wants to be "free". I just feel extremely stupid cos I have her so much. Her friends are saying I should wait it out and watch her come back to me but I dunno, I'll go no contact, it's just hard you know what I mean?

[CelticGibson]

Of course it's hard. You are having to do the very opposite to what your heart wants but it's the only logical course of action available to you right now. Her wanting to be "free" is very telling. She seems to be the type that wants to have light and fun relationships with no serious commitments, hence her not knowing what she wants.

 

I get the impression she bailed on you because during this terrible time for you, it must have felt like it was way too serious for her liking. Her having to support you in your hour of need was just too much for her.

 

You don't need this at this time. She has shown her true colours by leaving you at the worst possible time so you must now shut her out and deal with what you have to deal with. Go No Contact. It's tough but you will make it through so long as you keep your distance from anything to do with her. In time, she won't matter to you and then you will be much better off.

 

Follow TaraMaiden's link and start reading...

[Kristopher1]

I'm sorry to hear about your mum.

 

I can totally relate to you though (hi Tara!)

 

It got easier for me as each day passed, you just have to really keep yourself busy. Sure I still think about my ex, and I love her to bits but I'm over two weeks NC now, and I have my days where I just have every urge to contact her but I soon wake up and realize It's out of my hands now. I know exactly how you feel and I know how tough it is for you but stick around, talk to people here and try not to think about it much, it sucks, I know

[Maffy18]

Many thanks, maybe there's hope for us..maybe there isn't, she wanted space, ill give her it. Thanks guys and girls.

[Maffy18]

It's so weird though, I have so many questions, she said to me during the time we were breaking up, anytime you need me tell and I'll be there for you and I'm here when you need me, is that not quite hypocritical though as she left me alone? Don't get me wrong, I love this girl to bits and she's amazing. I just have so many questions!

[TaraMaiden]

It's as well to simply write them down, then forget about them - certainly for now....

I guarantee that if you ask her now, then in a month, the answers will be different.

 

Why?

....because she either truly doesn't exactly know the answers herself,

 

....because she would probably lie to try to protect your feelings/make herself look better,

 

....because her perspective now, will be different to her perspective in future.

 

In short?

no point asking.

 

People believe answers give closure.

In fact, answers do nothing - except prompt just more questions.

The answers of which, simply do likewise....

 

Besides, the desire to have answers to questions you have, also contains the desire to see them again, in the hope that you can persuade them - through this Q&A exercise - to change their minds.

 

Leave it be, dearest.

 

Focus on your mom.....

Edited May 27, 2013 by TaraMaiden

[Maffy18]

**** man, she has the same last name as my aunt, who I was calling to update her about my mum, and by accident I hit her name to call instead, she answered and I was confused and totally panicked cos I was trying no contact, I said sorry I mean to call my aunt etc and she said yeah it's fine don't worry about it, but I think she will be thinking aw he's missing me so much already etc which is true but I was trying no contact, this was a genuine mistake by the way, she started texting me sayin don't worry about it hope you're ok and stuff and we had some small chit chat and I left it by saying "if you love someone, set them free, and if it comes back its meant to be." Do I just start the non contact process again? Help!!!

[TaraMaiden]

Yes.

don't panic.

Block her number, then delete it.

Should you receive any more text messages, this response is incredibly effective.

 

(Right now, every fibre of your being will resist even thinking about sending it in response, but believe me when I tell you - it will save you so much heartache....)

 

 

Text Blocker activated. Your message was not delivered. Caution: Further attempts will result in this service being charged to your account.

 

And change your number.

you can, it's easy.

[Maffy18]

Phew. Thanks, she seemed happy on the phone anyway, my mind is just surrounding whether she will be missing my cute texts or my personality or just me in general, is this normal? Do you think she is?

[TaraMaiden]

It doesn't matter.

Having broken up with you, what she does, what she's thinking/doing is really not any concern to you - or shouldn't be.

YOU - are your focus.

Keep your eyes on the road, hun....