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Am I wasting my time?


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Posted

TLDR Girl who seemed to like me on OLD isn't messaging me despite agreeing to meet and responding only when I message her twice. She hasn't at all responded to my request to exchange numbers? Am I wasting my time? Also learn to read :)

 

Okay I gathered online dating is a waste of my time since almost every girl on there including the ugly as sin ones won't even say "No, thanks" if you aren't a 9-10/10 and making bank. I've only had a decent convo with one girl and she seems alright. I asked to meet but since then she hasn't been responding to my messages unless I message her twice. I'm not sure if its something stupid like a glitch eating my messages or she is just so bombarded with messages she misses mine. The obvious conclusion is shes not interested but why would she agree to meet? It says she's been online.

 

I'm not sure what to do, OLD is very new to me and if it doesn't work with her I'll give up on it since OLD is retarded in its mere premise. Should I ask her again? Or just confront her on being ignored?

 

Being ignored hurts more then a "not interested sorry".

 

I posted a thread similar to this on the Search forum but its apparently dead and it can apply to this forum as well so sorry for the double thread.

Posted

My preferred policy no matter what kind of correspondence is one message/call/email/text. Every piece of correspondence that rates a response (i.e., asks a question, requests more information, etc.) is fire-and-forget.

 

I am personally comfortable enough with technology that I can safely assume there are no "glitches" that eat messages. If she never received something from me due to a no-sh*t glitch, well that's too bad, I'm still not sending a second one. If she was truly interested, she'd put forth some effort of her own.

  • Author
Posted

I don't like messaging someone twice either since to be honest its desperate as hell but jesus why would someone seem to like you, agree to meet you and still talk to you on a friendly basis but only when you message them twice?

 

If she wanted to ignore me why not block me or just you know...actually ignore me.

 

I miss the good old days where people made sense.

Posted
I don't like messaging someone twice either since to be honest its desperate as hell but jesus why would someone seem to like you, agree to meet you and still talk to you on a friendly basis but only when you message them twice?

 

She never liked you.

 

If she wanted to ignore me why not block me or just you know...actually ignore me.

 

Because people care too much about what other people think of them. If she ignored you, then you might think she's a dumb b*tch, and she doesn't want anyone to think she's a dumb b*tch. So she'll make the minimal effort to keep her image. That's why it's your responsibility to ignore her.

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted (edited)
She never liked you.

Don't take this the wrong way but you said that like I'm some sort of clueless moron. She contacts me back in the first place, agrees to meet after a couple days of talking (there was nothing wrong back then) so I'm not only at fault for mistaking the obvious signs thar she's not interested but also for being confused by the sudden change? The double message thing was not happening when we first started talking if that's your impression. Girls show that they aren't interested by talking and agreeing to meet you? What kind of lunacy is this?

 

I'd like an answer before I break contact even if its "not interested" is that unreasonable?

Edited by Ed the 3rd
Posted
Don't take this the wrong way but you said that like I'm some sort of clueless moron. She contacts me back in the first place, agrees to meet after a couple days of talking (there was nothing wrong back then) so I'm not only at fault for mistaking the obvious signs thar she's not interested but also for being confused by the sudden change? The double message thing was not happening when we first started talking if that's your impression.

 

Emotions tend to turn people into clueless morons, myself included. You want this to work, so you'll rationalize anything in your mind to explain her actions to reflect continued interest.

 

The double message thing is happening now. So what happened when you first started becomes irrelevant. Remember, simple is easy, and simple is usually right.

 

I'd like an answer before I break contact even if its "not interested" is that unreasonable?

 

Silence is an answer.

Posted

If you want the female perspective. Why would I do what she does? If she agreed in principle to meet you, she is interested. If she stopped replying after a while, it might mean that she wants you to stop writing and ACTUALLY ask her out on a firm date. OLD is not to find pen pals is for going on dates. I'm getting bored with someone who keeps writing ad nauseam and never asks me out. Try inviting her out on a date for this week and then you have your answer. Good luck!

Posted
If she stopped replying after a while, it might mean that she wants you to stop writing and ACTUALLY ask her out on a firm date. OLD is not to find pen pals is for going on dates. I'm getting bored with someone who keeps writing ad nauseam and never asks me out. Try inviting her out on a date for this week and then you have your answer. Good luck!

 

The statement below addresses what you've said.

 

She hasn't at all responded to my request to exchange numbers?
Posted

OK, maybe. But how did he put it? Do you want to exchange numbers won't cut it. I'd say "here this is my number xxx-xxx-xxx.", not "do you want to exchange numbers?". I'd still write to her one last message and ask "would you like to go on a date with me this Friday evening. If Friday is not good, we can also go on Saturday. Please let me know if any of these days are good for you and you'd like to meet. I'm really looking forward to getting to know you better, you are special blah blah blah (compliments here)". Then he has a definite answer either yes or no, instead of wondering why/what/when.

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Posted

Whatever I guess I feel like I've been trolled.

 

Note to self: Stay away from OLD.

Posted

Well, suit yourself. In general, if you ever decide to go back to OLD, please ask the woman out on an actual date after 4 or 5 messages exchanged.

  • Author
Posted

@blue She said she was busy with uni exams so in a couple of weeks we couple meet up. I can't really push for more then that because uni exams do tend to keep people busy. I thought nothing of it. I asked if we could exchange numbers because just giving her my number s too forward of an approach in my opinion. If she was not comfortable with it yet I wouldn't want to put her in an uncomfortable position by just giving her my number because that pretty much means she has to give me hers or bust. Plus there's always the risk she's a 40 year old dude.

Posted

OK, stop writing to her, let her know that you know she's busy with the exams, so you won't bother her for a while,but you'll check in to set up the date at the time her exams are over. Ask her if it sounds like a good plan. In a couple of weeks check and see if she wants to go on an ACTUAL date. I appreciate a man who is persistent and decisive (asks me on dates not being wishy washy). Men always send me their number first, I personally do not find that too forward at all. I think you might be too cautious. Of course, I could also be wrong, I'm just giving my perspective, trying to help.

Posted
OK, stop writing to her, let her know that you know she's busy with the exams, so you won't bother her for a while,but you'll check in to set up the date at the time her exams are over. Ask her if it sounds like a good plan. In a couple of weeks check and see if she wants to go on an ACTUAL date. I appreciate a man who is persistent and decisive (asks me on dates not being wishy washy). Men always send me their number first, I personally do not find that too forward at all. I think you might be too cautious. Of course, I could also be wrong, I'm just giving my perspective, trying to help.

 

The decisive man would not ask her if his plan is good. He knows it's a good plan, tells her the plan, and executes the plan.

 

On the topic of dates, I prefer to ask over the phone with my voice rather than through the OLD messaging service or texting. So if he doesn't have a number, then he really can't ask her out, right...?

 

And I tend to send a number first myself, while asking for hers. Either she texts me with her number, or she responds with her number and I make the text exchange to confirm and link up the numbers.

Posted

Yeah, agreed with the fact that he shouldn't ask if it sounds like a good plan.But he didn't offer his number bc he thought that it's too forward and/or she could be a 40 yo dude. He just asked a generic question about exchanging numbers. That's not how you do it. Idk about this particular woman, but from what he is posting, I'm gathering that the OP seems to be moving too slow and be too cautious in general, imo.

Posted
...I'm gathering that the OP seems to be moving too slow and be too cautious in general, imo.

 

Agreed. OLD is fast paced with a lot of other players...so you've got to act quicker than is comfortable because there's probably a dozen other guys vying for that same spot...

  • Author
Posted
Agreed. OLD is fast paced with a lot of other players...so you've got to act quicker than is comfortable because there's probably a dozen other guys vying for that same spot...
You're right. Next time I see someone I like on OLD I'll ask for their address right off the bat.

 

Then if by some miracle I actually get it I'll turn up at their house naked.

 

Play to win.

  • Like 1
Posted
You're right. Next time I see someone I like on OLD I'll ask for their address right off the bat.

 

Then if by some miracle I actually get it I'll turn up at their house naked.

 

Play to win.

 

Hey, the Naked Man was showcased in How I Met Your Mother...works 2 out of 3 times...I'd say it's worth a shot...

  • Like 2
Posted
You're right. Next time I see someone I like on OLD I'll ask for their address right off the bat.

 

Then if by some miracle I actually get it I'll turn up at their house naked.

 

Play to win.

 

Haha

 

 

Ed, I think you just have to adjust your OLD perspective. There's a lot of time being put into one person...all of your money's invested in one place. We line ourselves up to be shot down online, I'm pretty sure most people have to converse with at least a few people before exchanging numbers or scoring a date.

 

Maybe you have been trying the OLD thing for a while and this is the first good lead? She's gotten numerous messages and might be further along the process with another guy...like after agreeing to meet you, she got a message from another guy setting a date for them? My point is that maybe u didn'tdo anything wrong.

 

Idk if giving the # vs. asking to exchange #s is a deal breaker in itself tho?? I usually ask to exchange numbers and do ok, but I can generally tell if there's interest after a couple messages... Heck, if someone IS messaging you at all then it's safe to assume they have some level of interest. There are the "nice" one's that feel obligated to reply and drag on rejection tho...hate that.

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