Just out of interest.... do dumpers realise how rude it is to send breadcrumbs?

[Ordinaryday]

I have gotten heaps of breadcrumbs over the years, as I have said on here before.

 

What I want to know is whether the dumper ACTUALLY REALISES in their own mind that sending the breadcrumbs is cruel, unnecessary and rude - do they realise that by sending us a "hi how are you?" breadcrumb it runs the risk of setting us back and bringing up painful memories that we had been working hard to forget?

 

Do they realise that it runs the risk of giving us false hope that the dumper wants to reconcile, and when we realise they don't, it is like BEING DUMPED ALL OVER AGAIN?

 

Do you think the dumpers know this? or are the mostly self-centred and think they are doing us some sort of 'favour' by sending us a breadcrumb, as if they are being 'nice' to us by sending us a 'hi how are you?' text message?

 

I know all dumpers are different, but on the whole what do you think? do they realise how cruel they are being by sending them and doing it anyway (because THEY WANT TO HURT US) or are they so self-absorbed that they honestly think they are being 'nice' to us by sending us a breadcrumb?

 

what do you think?

[crederer]

No I don't think they are intentionally doing it. I've been the dumper and I unknowingly was sending breadcrumbs. Sometimes you just feel the need to contact them, and don't understand how it can effect them.

[CelticGibson]

Dumpers send them because they are still stuck somewhere between completely letting go and still feeling the need to keep in some form of contact. They really do not realise how hurtful they can be because their feelings are not the same. It's like they are blind and you are desperately trying to explain colour to them. They just don't understand.

[emmalynro]

Nope. The end of the relationship doesn't hurt them as much (usually) and they're over it. They can contact you without feeling like it means anything, but they often assume that you feel the same way. The thing to do is explain to them "hey, this is really hard for me, so please respect my feelings and leave me alone".

[mbee]

Yes, I've been the dumper before and agree with everyone. I was continually breaking two guy's hearts just by wanting to be friends and asking about their day. However, if it's the type of breadcrumbs my ex is throwing me, he'd be a total jerk to not notice what he's doing. In other words breadcrumbs that involve, "I miss you, love, or thinking about you", the dumper should have enough commonsense to know that's harmful.

[BustedUpInside]

I think that dumpers have a lot of the same feelings as the dumpees. They probably have moments of doubt, depression, denial, anger, or low self esteem relating to the break up. Breadcrumbs allow either side to make sure that that they aren't forgotten and to maybe rekindle some of the intimacy from the old relationship. Not necessarily to get back together, but just to have some emotional connection.

 

I am definitely not saying that breadcrumbs are a good thing and it is important to let the dumper know that they are hurting your chances for recovery, but I definitely don't think that they are deliberately trying to set you back or hurt your feelings.

Edited May 28, 2013 by BustedUpInside

[metal_chick]

Both sumpers and dumpees want to cling after the relationship is over. A big change has happened and humans are pretty resistant to change. We like order and routine. That's why so many people stay in crappy relationships. The idea of getting out and trying something completely different can be scary.

 

Most people don't know how to handle a break up at the best of times. That's why if you want thing to go a certain way (ie, NC) then we need to control the controllable. We can't control the other person's actions. So you take the steps. You change your number. You block their emails. You change your social circle. And you try to remember that chances are, the dumper is probably hurting too. Unless they're a psycho stalker, be polite, be straight with them... and be a little forgiving too. It's really hard to tell someone they're not the one for you. Almost as brutal as hearing it.

[BC1980]

My ex thought he was being nice to me by offering friendship. He was genuinely baffled at how hurtful and confusing it was for me.