pinkdarling Posted October 3, 2004 Posted October 3, 2004 I have been dating this guy for two months and he has major issues with sleeping in the same bed. He swears that it's a comfort thing. I have been dealing with it well for the past two months and I have slept over his house three times in that period. BUt all the others we go out, or hang out , have sex, cuddle and chill and then go home to our perspective beds. Now the time post sex keeps getting longer and longer before the send off - so i view that as progress. But I am wondering if anyone else has gone through this? Is this a sign that he's just not into me? or could this be as simple as he can't get a good night's sleep with another person in the bed?
SoleMate Posted October 3, 2004 Posted October 3, 2004 Unusual to say the least. I can think of various explanations: * Can't sleep well with someone else in same bed * Wife/girlfriend comes home late and he needs you to be gone before then * Bedwetter * Gets tired of you easily * Does not want you to smell his morning breath * His "bed" is actually a 22 inch (55 cm) wide army cot (camp bed) and you really don't fit I would be suspicious, and I also would not tolerate a "sendoff". That seems so rude and inconsiderate. Have you considered bringing a sleeping bag with you and saying, "Since you're not comfortable with me in the bed, I'll just relax here on the floor."? I'd love to see his reaction to that. Also...are you aware...that if he wants to have a larger, more comfortable bed, he can purchase one?
Merin Posted October 3, 2004 Posted October 3, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Unusual to say the least. I can think of various explanations: * Can't sleep well with someone else in same bed * Wife/girlfriend comes home late and he needs you to be gone before then * Bedwetter * Gets tired of you easily * Does not want you to smell his morning breath * His "bed" is actually a 22 inch (55 cm) wide army cot (camp bed) and you really don't fit I would be suspicious, and I also would not tolerate a "sendoff". That seems so rude and inconsiderate. Have you considered bringing a sleeping bag with you and saying, "Since you're not comfortable with me in the bed, I'll just relax here on the floor."? I'd love to see his reaction to that. Also...are you aware...that if he wants to have a larger, more comfortable bed, he can purchase one? A bedwetter! Doh! Anyway... you know Pink the only person who knows for sure what the reason(s) are why your boyfriend doesn't want to sleep over is him. It could be he is really telling the truth and he just doesn't get good sleep or whatever... I can understand that this must make you feel kind of bad... I don't know what the answer is... but because it makes you feel not so great, I would talk with him again and tell him that you would really like to be able to sleep in the same bed with him and it makes you uncomfortable that he doesn't seem to want to. Could it be that maybe he doesn't want to feel obligated to spend the entire next day with you after he has slept over? OR Maybe he see's that as some kind of a committment and he is afraid you might want to *gasp* bring your toothbrush to his house...
Scangie Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Is this a sign that he's just not into me? or could this be as simple as he can't get a good night's sleep with another person in the bed? Funny that you used those words -- have you read the book "He's Just Not That Into You"? This exact issue is mentioned, and yeah -- it pretty much means he's not into you. A lot of people have trouble getting used to sleeping next to someone (I was one of them -- I used to lie awake if my bf & I were sharing a bed). But you get used to it! And then it is really nice and intimate. If you really care about someone, you make the sacrifice for this. Plus, yeah, I have to admit -- it does sound there is somebody else he has to get home to. Probably not what you wanted to hear, but I'd definitely be considering getting out of this relationship.
Mr Spock Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 I don't know, I find that I sleep best when I have my own bed space-when I want to sleep, I sleep, and get your goddamn elbow out from under me.
phantom Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 i've been in this situation before. the girl i was dating only had a single bed and wanted me to sleep over alot, which i did. now you might think its more intimate cause you have to be close, but for actual sleeping...it would take me hours to fall asleep cause it just wasnt comfortable for me in such a small bed. so in this case it was purely a comfort thing, as when she slept over in my double bed i slept fine. if your guy just hasnt slept regularly with someone in a long time..he needs to get used to it perhaps. if hes the type to move around all over the place (while awake or while sleeping) its weird to have someone beside you at first. good luck
Quicksilver Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock I don't know, I find that I sleep best when I have my own bed space-when I want to sleep, I sleep, and get your goddamn elbow out from under me. That is to funny....... The elbow is usually in my back. I once told my ex-boyfriend that he always had his elbow in my back and it drove me insane then he would do it on purpose. I would be hanging on the edge of the bed to keep his elbow out of my back. I had to trade him off. The guy I see now we sleep very good together. We both have to hug a pillow we usually are back to back and butts touching LOL.....
mymojo Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 Originally posted by pinkdarling I have been dating this guy for two months and he has major issues with sleeping in the same bed. He swears that it's a comfort thing. I have been dealing with it well for the past two months and I have slept over his house three times in that period. BUt all the others we go out, or hang out , have sex, cuddle and chill and then go home to our perspective beds. Now the time post sex keeps getting longer and longer before the send off - so i view that as progress. But I am wondering if anyone else has gone through this? Is this a sign that he's just not into me? or could this be as simple as he can't get a good night's sleep with another person in the bed? He's sending you a message dear.You have fun times going out, you enjoy sex together but you are not yet in his mind a fully exclusive couple, nor should you expect to be after a mere 2 months. Let me give you a tip that will either spike his interest level or tell you clearly where the relationship is heading.Stop waiting for him to give you "the send off" If you are worldly enough to engage in sex after 2 months, you are savy enough to conduct yourself with dignity afterwards.Don't be cold or crude but don't linger in his bed after sex,get up,wash up,kiss him on the forehead,thank him for the lovely evening and go home! Don't lie there acting as if you've got all the time in the world to lie in his apartment, that terrifies single men.You get up after sex and go home,because you're a busy gal with a full life and you need to get your beauty rest.Be sweet, be casual about it, but do it after each and every date,you announce you're leaving first and do it early enough to leave him wishing you would linger.If he's really into you it won't be long before he's begging you to stay the night instead of begging you to leave.
Raychel Posted December 5, 2004 Posted December 5, 2004 Your problem isnt rare! I do the same thing and every guy i have stay the night finds it odd too and they seem to take it to heart! I do it b/c it is hard for me to sleep kinda, its hard to explain and i did it to 2 of my boyfriends of which whom i absolutley adored.. so i wouldnt worry about it. I eventaully get used to that person and then i am able to sleep in the same bed as him for some people it just takes time to be comfortable around you.
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