Ending 1 relationship to begin another 1 right away what's up with that???

[Barby]

I have a question..it may sound dumb to some but I'm honestly curious!

 

Why do some women/men see the need to jump from one relationship to another?

 

For instance once ending a relationship, why do some find it so scary to be alone??

 

 

For those of you who know I just ended a relationship with someone i've been with for almost 2 years (everyday NON-STOP) and it's going on a week with no contact. I'm feeling the emptiness and the slight lonliness but couldn't imagine getting involved with someone else right now.

 

I know not everyone is the same but I just would like to know your opinion...is it healthier (which I think it is) to wait until your heart is healed, (so you don't bring in to much baggage) or is it easier to get over someone when you jump into a "re-bound" relationship??

 

I'm a pretty serious, faithful woman and have never understood jumping from one guy's arms to another's.....am I crazy??

[Merin]

Hey Girl:)

 

Well I do agree with you 110% that it is probably healthier to not jump right into something else when your long term relationship has ended with another... for reason(s) that you've stated...

 

However, I think there are a lot of reason's that people will and do find themselves doing exactly that.

 

Some people do it out of just feeling lonely. If they've been in a relationship for some time, they have gotten used to having someone else there. Some people do it probably with the idea that moving right on to the next thing will help them to forget and get past the failed relationship that ended.

 

I'm sure there are unique reasons to each individual as to how they move on from a relationship thats ended.

 

I don't know if there is a "right" or "wrong" way to go about trying to heal and move on... I of course don't think it's right to appear that you're moving on with someone else, if in fact the person is only using someone to rebound... because someone else gets hurt... but I don't think it's wrong either if the relationship has ended REALLY ended and there isn't any potential of getting back together, for someone to go out and date or see other people, even if they aren't Mr. OR Mrs. Right... nothing wrong with Mr. OR Mrs. Right Now

 

I hope you are doing well Barby!

[Barby]

I see your point...my case I KNOW no matter what I WON'T get back with my ex, that being said...I still feel guilty (yesterday a very good looking guy proceeded to ask me for my number, and give me his, ask me if maybe I'd like to go for a movie and dinner.)

 

I felt guilty so I turned him down, he seemed nice enough and I was attracted to him but something inside me just felt as if it was still cheating...

 

 

I wonder if anyone else has been through this and wonder how long I'm gonna feel this way.

[backspn]

Nope....sounds like you broke up with your ex alot longer than last week.....you sound like you are ready to move on. If you're not willing to give him another chance then why wait? What's there to gain by feeling guilty and waiting? If you start dating another guy then your ex will know that its time to move on. Just my 2 cents...

[Merin]

Originally posted by Barby

I see your point...my case I KNOW no matter what I WON'T get back with my ex, that being said...I still feel guilty (yesterday a very good looking guy proceeded to ask me for my number, and give me his, ask me if maybe I'd like to go for a movie and dinner.)

 

I felt guilty so I turned him down, he seemed nice enough and I was attracted to him but something inside me just felt as if it was still cheating...

 

 

I wonder if anyone else has been through this and wonder how long I'm gonna feel this way.

 

I think you're feeling this way Barby because even though you know it's over, and you know he isn't good for you... you still have feelings for him.

 

I wish I could tell you how long you're going to feel this way, and more than that I wish I could say not for long... but only time will guide you.

 

When you're ready... you will know and move on in your own time.

[bluechocolate]

As you, and others, have mentioned, not everyone is the same. I think for some couples the relationship ended long before they admitted it to themselves & perhaps for them it is OK to begin another relationship soon after the "official" ending has been announced.

 

I think that they are also a lot of people who are serial-monogamists and they don't like being alone because they have issues dealing with self-esteem - ie. they don't really like themselves and look for self-affirmation from someone else (which is rather oxymoronic). If they have a partner they can't be THAT bad, can they? This type of person IS carrying around baggage & will probably never have a serious fulfilling relationship. To my mind the best relationships are between two people who know & understand who they are as individuals, who have self-love and who are happy to be alone if that is the circumstance they find themselves in. This type of person is confident & self-assured & it is precisely when you reach this point in your personal development that you become most attractive as a potential partner.

 

I felt guilty so I turned him down, he seemed nice enough and I was attracted to him but something inside me just felt as if it was still cheating...

 

Then you are not ready to be dating again. Don't force yourself - you'll end up hurt & more importantly you'll potentially be hurting an innocent 3rd party.

 

from backspn

If you start dating another guy then your ex will know that its time to move on.

 

Maybe this isn't what you meant exactly, but you don't start dating other people simply so that your ex will know that you have moved on. That shows little regard for the feelings of the person you're beginning to date. There are loads & loads of posts here from people who have starting seeing someone new only to then discover that that persons ex is still very much a part of their lives and many of these people find themselves hurt & devestated to be used in this manner.

 

Of course one can always start dating soon after a breakup as long as they are honest about what they're looking for and not looking for. "I've just ended a relationship & I'm not ready to be serious with someone yet but I think that I like you & am willing to pursue a new friendship at this time if you are.". I know it sounds terribly prescriptive but I think that most people would prefer that someone was honest & upfront about these things from the beginning rather than finding this out 2 or 3 months down the line.