daisybuchanan55 Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Hi there! Thanks for taking the time to respond to this--it's all I've been able to think about and is starting to not only drive me crazy, but give me actual anxiety. I went on an amazing first date with a man who is 12 years older than me about ten days ago. I was a bit apprehensive given the age difference, but we ended up talking for seven hours and finding out we have more in common than I have with any man ever before. We laughed, learned about each other, just had AMAZING chemistry. He was honest about his situation without dwelling on his ex and seemed intent on moving forward, talking about fun dates he wanted to plan. Over and over again he said how much fun he was having and I knew he was being sincere. We kissed and he was a perfect gentleman. I can honestly say it was the best date I've been on in years. He showered me with compliments and made me feel more special than any man ever has. Despite his marriage failing (they were married young) I respect his handling of the situation and the fact he did not say cruel things about his wife. He's the kind of guy who, if you're going to get a divorce, you'd want to be divorced from. He told me before we went out he has four kids and that divorce was the next step for him and his wife. He had moved out of his house just the day before our date. After our date he dropped me off and immediately texted to thank me for going out with him. He continued to initiate texts for three days after the date while I was out of town on business. Then, out of no where, in the middle of a fun, pleasant text conversation...it stopped. MIA! I have not heard from him in a week. My mind is racing with possibilities. Was he lying to me and is actually still married and cheating on his wife? Is he getting back together with her? Is he worried about his feelings for me? Concerned I'm too young/don't like him enough (I was responding to most of his texts enthusiastically but trying to remain "cool")? I had such a great time with him and am positive he had a good time with me. Given my theories, should I leave him alone completely or send a "How are you?" breezy text to let him know I'm thinking of him? My thought is that even if he's in the middle of some turmoil or a recconciliation and does not respond, it will leave a positive impression when/if his marriage ends and he won't feel awkward contacting me later on, or will give him a sign that I'm into him. Again, I am 12 years younger and have plenty of time to get serious with someone. Would just really like to see HIM again because I had a fantastic time. Thanks!
CarrieT Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 The age is the not the problem. The fact that he is still legally married to someone is the problem. Trust me on this one -- I have gotten involved with "separated" men with whom I also had great CHEMISTRY, only to have the divorce proceedings fall apart and/or they decide to give their marriage "one more try." Tell the guy that you are very interested and to call you when he is fully and 100% divorced. Only then is he capable and able to date and potentially start a new relationship. Preferably, he should divorce and take several months - at LEAST - to be on his own! He needs time to heal from a broken marriage before starting a new relationship and the rebound relationships rarely last. Also, "CHEMISTRY" is illusive and doesn't seem to last. For those of us that have been on this board for a long time, we know and learn that "chemistry" tends to dwindle after nine to 14 months; aka the Honeymoon Period of a relationship. 3
SunsetRed Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Check out The Other Woman forum on Loveshack. Its filled w women like you (and me) who were burned by dating separated men. As long as he's not divorced, he's married and he will probably be the best date/bf you've had in years, but then should he go back to the wife and then try to stay connected to you, you'll be in the dating a married man trap. Please post your post on that site and see what kind of reaction you'll get. Newly separated men can make you feel so much better than 100% single men can make you feel. Separated/Married men make you feel like you are a wife and that's because they have plenty of practice at treating someone like a wife, as in they have a wife. Its a trap that can lead to a lot of pain. My story was I dated a man who'd been separated for 3 years and then we dated one year, so that makes 4 years separated and finally when the soon to be ex wife saw how much he'd moved on, she created a lot of financial drama w their kids and begged him to move back. He did move back and at first it seemed like he was just living there to fix finances, so I felt like we could still see each other, but it did turn into me dating a married man and caused me a lot of hurt. Like I said, just post this on the Other woman forum. At least be aware of this forum in case you decide to date him and it ends up badly.
iris219 Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 On LS you will hear repeatedly to never, never date a separated man. It's a mantra on here. I say it depends on the situation. My bf was separated when we started dating. I was apprehensive, but he assured me their marriage had been over for a long time, way before they officially separated. They had lived separate lives for years. They're divorced now and it's the best relationship I've ever had. Proceed with caution, figure out what's really going on, and decide if it's going to work for you. 1
coachcomeback Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I am glad you had a good time. No reason to sit around and speculate. Simply ask him and tell him how you feel. No need to beat around the bush or "play it cool". You can never know what is REALLY going on with him. You will drive yourself crazy thinking about all the possibilities. Don't pass judgment on what you cant prove. Facts only. You had a good time. You were not worried about the age difference. Last you left it .. .it was on a good note. Just assume he is busy with... anything. Doesn't matter. Until you actually hear it from him. Innocent until proven guilty. Hope he has a good reason and you end up going on another equally awesome date
Author daisybuchanan55 Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 Thank you all for replying!! I really appreciate it. I kind of agree that this situation seems headed for heartbreak. Whatever happens I need to protect numero uno (MOI!!!) first and foremost, so getting involved probably isn't a good idea. Maybe he really is a good guy and realized he shouldn't get involved SO fast after ending a marriage? It's tough to tell. Just sucks because we had such a good time and he made me think there were so many great things ahead. Whoever commented about making me feel like a wife...SO TRUE. I felt like a queen! What a deadly trap!!! I REALLY hope he is an honest man who realized he may be falling into something too fast and that he will come back when he is 100% available. Is this possible? I've dealt with and dated so many *******s I truly find it hard to believe a man could be so level-headed, honest and mature to do the right thing instead of the "feels good" thing. Are there really guys out there who are this honest? I guess what hurts the most is how in the dark he left me. I would have appreciated an explanation if the above is the case, but maybe avoidance was easier than explaining...I don't know... I will post on the "Other Woman" forum and see what kind of response I get. Thanks again!!!
Recommended Posts