Cami_paige Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Hi all so not that long ago i posted my situation of my now ex husband leaving me after 3 days of marriage, now he's off in Melbourne, Australia and still no contact from him. But now i'm the one being blamed because he was my friend for 2.5 years that i should have known better? I was making really good progress and now all i want to do is break down and cry. Do i miss him? yes of course. As i said in my post earlier nothing happened between us to make us separate he just decided to up and go. So Now im in the stage of going through all the good memories we had once and shared. I was doing my best to handle it and carry on with my days, but now a few people tell me i should have known better. I keep saying if i knew this was going to happen then i wouldn't have done it in the first place. Do they not understand that?
siankat Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Of course, only you and he know what went down. Can i ask why they say that? It is insensitive and somewhat cruel especially under the circumstances
Author Cami_paige Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 I wish i knew, and it's people that are close to me which frustrates me the most. Finally today i went off, but what's making me more angry is i feel like i've gone back to square one with my emotions and it's making me doubt everything i was starting to deal with
trippi1432 Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I wish i knew, and it's people that are close to me which frustrates me the most. Finally today i went off, but what's making me more angry is i feel like i've gone back to square one with my emotions and it's making me doubt everything i was starting to deal with Some people aren't good with empathy. Nobody ever walks into a relationship knowing everything they are supposed to know and if we "red flag" every little thing, none of us would ever be in a relationship. People are saying that to you because they want you to snap out of it, leave the pain, tired of hearing about it...etc. It's their way of dealing with their own emotions and wanting you to just "forget about it". Well, you don't, you are allowed to process, to feel, to forgive and forget at your own pace. You are the one living it, not them. Cami - Don't look at it as blaming, understand that your friends don't know how to help. Some are probably scared of their own relationships and how this is happening to you. You took a risk, you loved someone, you created a place for him in your heart....he didn't measure up to that because he was incapable. You've done nothing wrong except open your heart to him. That makes you human, embrace the fact that you are human and capable of love. Many, these days, aren't.
siankat Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Yea, as you have the mindset of wanting to get over him, i would surround yourself with supportive ppl, not the kind who drain u and ur will to move on 1
imtooconfused Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 First and foremost, you could not possibly have known. HE was the one who married you of his own free will and HE was the one who walked away three days later. He obviously has issues and you should feel fortunate that you found out after only three days and not three years. Those people who would attribute blame to you for not seeing the signs when you are in the middle of marriage preparation are not doing so in your best interest and you need to distance yourself from them.
robfos Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 So Now im in the stage of going through all the good memories we had once and shared. Do your best to avoid this at all costs. We often tend to idealize the relationship after it is out of our reach. I did this myself and it was putting me in a very bad downward spiral to depression and loneliness. I know it's not easy, but try to focus on the negative parts of the relationship. Even the fact that he just got up and left you! If you only focus on the good memories you are going to take a lot longer to heal and move on. And as mentioned, if your friends are blaming you, at least for the time being, and maybe for a while, FIND SOME NEW ONES. Those are not really good friends to you. I would suggest looking for one on one, and some group counseling to help you get through this if you don't have supportive friends/family. You need people giving you good advice and helping you along, not putting the blame on you.
Author Cami_paige Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 I know it's not easy, but try to focus on the negative parts of the relationship. Even the fact that he just got up and left you! If you only focus on the good memories you are going to take a lot longer to heal and move on. . I'm trying too! the only negative i can come to think of is this now, how he has just left off. I guess im just missing the good times we had thats all, 2.5 years went out the door in 3 days. I'm grateful that it happened now and not later. Also i'm not complaining to people, everyone keeps asking me and i'm avoiding the answers because im sick and tired of speaking of it, it's my business and i'm trying to stay private. Its just that now when they ask have if i have heard from him then i say no and try to move on from the topic i get the lecture of well don't you think you should of known how could you not have seen the signs. BUT THERE WERE NO SIGNS!!! yeah we had up's and downs but nothing that would make me think he would do this, trust me i've had many relationships that failed i am aware of red flags and i put this guy through the ringer in the first 6 to 8 months, finally i let down my wall but as 'imtooconfused' said he chose to marry me and he chose to want me to move with him before hand.
robfos Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 BUT THERE WERE NO SIGNS!!! yeah we had up's and downs but nothing that would make me think he would do this, trust me i've had many relationships that failed i am aware of red flags and i put this guy through the ringer in the first 6 to 8 months, finally i let down my wall but as 'imtooconfused' said he chose to marry me and he chose to want me to move with him before hand. Sometimes our partners can be really good at hiding how they really feel. In my case not only did my partner do that, she lied to my face for months about another man she was involved with. When we love someone we put our trust in them. We don't expect them to lie to us so it's that much harder when we realize that they were. What I'm saying is, perhaps he felt differently about the relationship then you did at certain points but just wasn't honest enough with you. Why did he marry you then? Who knows...why did my wife marry me? Sometimes people are just crazy.
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