singlelife Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Do they expect to get a partner that way? Maybe a pushover but not a solid person. This should be interesting.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Probably for the same reasons that some men are controlling - mostly based around a need to being in control. 4
Delilah1623 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I have recently realized I try to be controlling. For me it stems from insecurity due to trust issues as betrayals in my past. And nope. It doesn't work. Just drives the good ones away. Only the guys with no options stick around.
Emilia Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Do they expect to get a partner that way? Maybe a pushover but not a solid person. This should be interesting. Some people do like being controlled because they equate it with love. Personally, it's not my thing and I go out of my way to be the opposite of controlling.... which some men take as lack of caring
carhill Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Explain why some women are controlling. Fear, generally based in the psychology developed during socialization, hence FOO. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 My mom is a very controlling and stubborn person. I don't understand the quality and will never tolerate it ever again. I don't spend time with people like that. It's probably the largest turn off for me.
Emilia Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Fear, generally based in the psychology developed during socialization, hence FOO. Certainly agree. It takes a lot of work to get out of the mindset
carhill Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Fear, generally based in the psychology developed during socialization, hence FOO. Adding some examples: 1. Adult children of alcoholics/drug abusers, where parental alcoholism/drug abuse was part of their socialization dynamic. 2. Child molestation/incest survivors 3. Children who were neglected and/or abused 4. Peer transition rape survivors, meaning children raped by a non-family member Fear is a potent motivator of behavior. It's a primal instinct and can be irrational at base. 2
KathyM Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I think there can be a variety of things that causes controlling behavior. Fear is probably one of them. Possibly as a child, she felt a period of having no control over her life, and that has manifested into wanting excessive control as an adult so that she doesn't experience the feeling of powerlessness again. In some cases, controlling behavior could be the result of OCD tendencies, and the person has an excessive need to have everything exactly a certain way, and will strong arm others to comply. Sometimes it can come from narcissism, where a person is so hung up on himself, that he/she must have his own way and the wishes of the other person are considered unimportant. I could probably name at least one person IRL that comes from each of these mindsets, and is a controlling person. And sure enough, they married a passive person who tolerates the controlling behavior.
Emilia Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 In my case it was having an alcoholic for a father and a distant person for a mother. Classic codependent territory.
hppr Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Do they expect to get a partner that way? Maybe a pushover but not a solid person. This should be interesting. I was with a girl like that who was really passive aggressive (I guess you could call it controlling) and she wasn't like that in the beginning. People who have that sort of personality, who want relationships where they can control the other person don't start out like that. They form fake personas that are sometimes very hard to see through. As for 'why' they are controlling that is just how they are & trying to figure out why is a waste of time.
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