Noma Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Me ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We ran a restaurant together. In doing this I pretty much gave up a lot of my friends and life as I knew it. The restaurant had just opened and we worked hard getting it to where it was. We did this together for 4 years. Now I have been still working with him. Was going ok. But I don't have the same drive and passion for the place I work at. I have been an above average employee and have always given 110% to almost every job. It is part of who I am. It makes me feel like a failure to not have my heart in this anymore. And seeing him there is a constant reminder of how much of my life I gave up to do this with him. I even used to get along well with most of the employees, have fun at work and a positive attitude all the time. I dont have a connection with the employees anymore, I don't feel like myself anymore, and e place I used to be so proud to be a part of is tearing me down. The regulars all love me, it's hard. I am contemplating moving, About 5 hours away, I do have some family I can be near. I don't have a whole lot of friends anymore... Has anyone ever had to do this? Move by themselves and pretty much start a whole new life? How? Any advice or past experiences would be greatly appreciated.
tinker683 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 After I broke up with my ex I moved an hour away from her to a new town, closer to my job (had to drive 45 minutes to work, now I only have to drive 20) Personally, I think that while it's had some challenges of its own (meeting new people, getting familiar with a new place, change, moving away from what you know and you're comfortable with) it's definitely better for her and I. We now live in two separate world. We don't go to the same places anymoreWe both don't explore our hobbies in the same place anymoreThe likelihood that I'll run into her while up and about town is exceedingly small as that would require her to drive all the way over here when she has absolutely no reason tooNobody knows her or is friends with her over here I've found that, coupled with NC, it's the ideal situation for getting over your ex. Now if I can just make some friends over here, I'll be all set...
Author Noma Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 I just don't know how I got here. I gave up all my friends and life I had when we started dating- coupled with opening a new restaurant I really didn't have time for anyone. I have even distanced myself more recently from the employees I had considered friends because I'm just not the same person, they are all starting new relationships and have other things going on. Plus hard because my ex and I are "the bosses" There isn't really much here for me anymore. The job I loved and was proud of and worked so hard to build- he owns! I thought we were building our future! Thing of it is I had worked there before he bought it, and knew everyone before him... I feel like a complete failure. I'm 30 years old and have no friends. I used to love having a drink occasionally after work and now I go home to no one. It's a small town and its just so hard to get away from him. And he is dating someone new, or just sleeping together, or whatever. And she come into the place on occasion. How do you start over?
siankat Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I have. It was weird. I felt all cold and dejected at first like i couldn't find a peaceful corner anywhere mentally or physically. Everything seemed alien. Then, as i started to get bored of that situation i ventured out. As i started to venture out i made new memories. These memories had nothing to do with him. I was living a life without reminders and i was LIVING again. It was fantastic to go places and do things that did not remind me of him. It took a while for me to find some familiarity in the new place but that would happen anyway, with or without a breakup.
metal_chick Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Oh, Noma. Never, EVER give up your friends for a bloke. Ever. Your friends are forever, You cannot bank on a bloke being forever. To meet new people, take a look at Meetup.com. I met one of my best girlfriends on there. Make some new friends, do some new things.. I moved 6 hours away from my family 10 years ago. It's been an eventful 10 years, very up and down, friends made, friends lost, relationships made and lost, several jobs, flat-sharing... allgood experiences. But please don't give up your friends for a guy ever again. Huge mistake. Thankfully, it's one you can correct - there are plenty of avenues to make friends but you must do do the legwork, because they won't come to you. Good luck.
Author Noma Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 Mostly gave them up while working our butts off opening a new restaurant. It was a combination of the 2. It was a wonderful experience, and I would do it all over again. Just with a different ending- ha! I live in a pretty small area. Checked out meetup.com- not much going on. Like 1 meeting a month, and I can't make this months meeting... Did you really start over and only move yourself? Completely starting over?
metal_chick Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Mostly gave them up while working our butts off opening a new restaurant. It was a combination of the 2. It was a wonderful experience, and I would do it all over again. Just with a different ending- ha! I live in a pretty small area. Checked out meetup.com- not much going on. Like 1 meeting a month, and I can't make this months meeting... Did you really start over and only move yourself? Completely starting over? I finished uni, I got a job in a city 6 hours away from my parents. Lined up a place to live, moved down there, unpacked, went to work at my new job the next day. Ex had broken up with me 4 months beforehand, called me, sniffing around, wanted to know how I was - I said "I'm moving. New job. See ya." Yes, I did it. I was 21. Make your own Meetup group. Start a bookclub. Start a pub crawl club. Start a weekly trivia night...
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