Skipper888 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Hey guys. I'm feeling really down atm. My ex left me 4 months ago cause she had feelings for another guy. She was so in love with me then just changed. Thing is I.know this guy is everything im not. Had a great job working in a mine with my ex, smart probably attractive . Just hurts so much. Just feels like **** that I lost her and she doesn't want to be with me. She.took the easy option we were in a ldr and she had enough. I feel like she had it all.now. a great job earning lots of money, probably with someone who is better than me and I'm just lost.
tinker683 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 He wasn't "better" than you, he was just different, and if she couldn't acknowledge the good stuff about you than you're better off. I don't know about you, but I want to find someone who's crazy stupid in love with me and finds me just as interesting as I find her. Your ex doesn't sound like that. Hang in there man. Things will get better 3
Author Skipper888 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 That's the thing we were so compatible and everything I just don't get how things change just like that. Now she ignores had deleted facebook has gone of the face of the planet. I just can't imagine never being apart of her life its been 4 months on n off just hit a big low this weekend
tinker683 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 That's the thing we were so compatible and everything I just don't get how things change just like that. Now she ignores had deleted facebook has gone of the face of the planet. I just can't imagine never being apart of her life its been 4 months on n off just hit a big low this weekend You're going through the initial shock of the breakup. What you're feeling is completely normal. I felt the same about my ex and now..she's gone, with another guy who, like your situation, makes more money than me and is considered generally by the ladies to be "better looking" It's beating on your ego, I know. It destoryed mine. After looking back though at the relationship with the glasses off, I can see that my relationship wouldn't have worked. There were SO many code reds/ambers from the beginning but I was too head over heels to give them any serious amount of thought. Consider this: If she's willing to drop you as quickly as she did, just how invested was she really into the relationship? Were your perceptions of the relationship reflective of reality? (Meaning, were you making the relationship more than what it actually in reality was?) I did the same with my ex. I mean, I look back now and I'm horrified that I actually convinced myself that spending a few hours a week for months at a time was "quality time" (as, you know, she always had to make time for everything else in her life except for me). I almost feel bad for the guy she left me for, he's got a future-faking commitment phobe on his hands. I don't know, maybe the chemistry between the two of them will change her for the better and if so, hey, that's cool for her. I hope she does well. Ok, i went on a tangent there but my point is: What you think your relationship was might not actually be what it actually was in reality. Looking back at your relationship honestly and see if you're relationship was real or if a lot of it was blown up illusions in your head
CelticGibson Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Sadly, this is another example of how negatively LDRs play on relationships. They are not for the feint of heart because, like most people, you lack the physical presence that is essential to maintain that loving attraction for each other because of the distance. No amount of conversation or communication can make up for having someone right there and accessible at all times. It's the little things like being able to go out together, sharing meals and sometimes having the same circle of friends that make all the difference. While everything may have been great and you were so compatible, the sad fact is that you were not there when it mattered and this guy is by default. If anything, this is all he has over you. She chose based on her need for physical proximity and you can't blame her for making that choice. The same thing happened to me too and I am sure it will happen to others. Once you recognise that it wasn't really you that was at issue and that the LDR was the reason, you have to accept that it just wasn't meant to be. Her deleting you is a reaction to it being over and moving on. Sorry to be so hard on you but you have to accept this and hang in there and move on... 1
Author Skipper888 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 No I do agree. And everything u say is true. She had her life and i had mine I felt like i was just a guy she texted everyday and saw every now and again. Just is ****ed because I trusted her and always thought ee would be together. It huttd because I am a popular guy I am attractive I am smart (have the same degree as her) I am funny and made her laugh all the time up until 3 weeks ago when i saw her last. I just can't process why she doesn't want me or how this happened. Your right with the easyness of the other guy. It was hard for me to be in the same circle of.friends as.they were mostly guys and guys r hard to get along with when everyone is already besties. And he is always around, just very hard to process things. She didn't block me but rather deleted facebook altogether.
Author Skipper888 Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 The odds were always against me. A smart beautiful girl working in a town.where the population is 90%men was never going to work for me . guess she just chose the better option n I'm left heart broken
CelticGibson Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Just so long as you remember that she didn't leave for someone better, she left for a better situation that suited her. It had nothing to do with you so stop thinking he's somehow better than you. He's just there and you are not...
LostOne1 Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Just so long as you remember that she didn't leave for someone better, she left for a better situation that suited her. It had nothing to do with you so stop thinking he's somehow better than you. He's just there and you are not... exactly.. same thing happened to me. After a year now almost. I am realizing that she left me, because what she wanted was what this guy had... The situation to have a relationship with him and the surrounds and area he was in.. was what she wanted. My ex hated family, and yet I have a huge family I am very close with. But this new guy has no family here he just moved here recently. So really the situation fits my ex perfectly and that's why she left me. It wasn't that I was bad, but I think that she thinks someone else is there for me. Someone who's going to LIKE the surroundings I have and my large close family. The biggest mistake I made was I never judged her wants and needs. If I did, I would've left her a long time ago instead of fighting to keep us together for 3 yrs. Sure it will hurt a lot man! Trust me it does... no one likes the feeling of being replaced. BUT, sadly she did what she thought was RIGHT for HER. Maybe it's selfish, but that is what she wants. And we can't force someone to like something or want something if they don't.... I'm mostly moved on, but yeah it does suck to know I'm single still and she just tossed me aside and put in another guy. I wouldn't have done it that way, but hey that's her way of doing it. All you can do is look for someone else and be sure you have similar interests. Sometimes it "appears" you do, but in reality you don't. In my case my ex faked things I liked and said she did too. But she did it so I'd stay with her and be with her. It wasn't the fact that she liked or enjoyed it much, but did it out of compromise. And trust me compromise sucks, because it's essentially giving up something to keep something. I believe when my ex found a guy that fit her needs, I think it must have sucked at first to see it take place. But I guess she thought it was right and went for it. Who knows how it will end up.. could be the same thing and she BU's up him too in 3 yrs. But at the end of the day, you gotta be strong and move on. I look back and I RESPECT myself so much more. I've almost made it through 1 year man! I lost my grandma and my ex within 1 month apart. But here I am still alive and breathing and still moving on in life. I don't know what is in store for me. Heck, I do feel down today for some reason. But I know some how some way... things WILL get better. I just try to get myself out more and lately been trying to talk to more people especially women. I think it brings back the confidence that I'm still okay and can still find someone else. it's just that our ego gets hit so hard, that we thing we are worth nothing. We fail to realize we are SOMETHING and we can do a lot about ourselves. So think positive. In 1 year like me you'll be fine and you'll see your BU from a whole new point of view.
all_cats_rgray Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 "better" is a self-esteem issue. especially when it comes to men, and how their is more economical pressure presented on them. "better" is relative. YOU are unique. Do you think you can measure yourself? vs. another person. he has a better job, he has this, he has that.... HOW DO YOU MEASURE WORTH? YOU CAN'T People are not their jobs, their charm, their cars. So you think she can upgrade you like software. .. I know you don't want to hear this, but your unique. And this "better" person is just different.
crederer Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 My ex left me for seemingly no reason. It turns out she's still single and an emotional wreck. But at first I was playing all these scenarios out in my head like she's met another guy, must be better looking, have more money, she must be so happy, etc. At times I feel like she thinks she's better than me and that's why she dumped me, but I know that she's not. It's normal to feel insecure at times in situations like this. You just gotta know how to pick yourself up. If you figure this step out, let me know because I have trouble with it sometimes. 1
Author Skipper888 Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 Yeah I don't even know if she is with him but I know she had feelings for another guy. She has been nc for 3 weeks now. I know she would be trying to move on. The thing is that I was always the strong confident guy in tge relationship. Then things got switched around when she seemed to stop caring. Now I'm the one who deems like I have nothing. She did take everything that made me who I am. I gave up my friends, sport, fskiky, hobbies to fly up to where she was every weekend or so, that stopped me havid now I'm alienated from all those things. She blamed ke saying I never contributed to the tealtionship. Its just all be anyway. Just don't know how it went from being so happy to feeling so empty. Dont know how she can move on so fast n I hate it.
Author Skipper888 Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 Just hard to fathom because I thought my life n myself was awesome n its hard to think that its actually not because someone doesn't want to share my life anymore because she had found a better one
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