insecure_girl Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 This is going to be partly a rant, and maybe long. Sorry. Long story short: I've only had one boyfriend, we were together for 6 years. I gave him everything, he was the typical jealous, controlling type. He had trust issues with me, and when I broke up with him, victimized himself. A few weeks ago, I found out through mutual friends he constantly cheated on me during our relationship. I broke up with him on January, he keeps bothering me. I'm over him, but I still feel the pain and anger from learning he cheated so many times on me! Add to that the fact that many guys I know cheat on their girlfriends without any trace of guilt, some of them have tried making moves on me many times. All that gives me a bitter feeling about guys and relationships. A couple years ago I met a guy during a trip but thought nothing about it, because he lives far away. We friended each other on Facebook and that was it... then one day he started chatting to me, and we got along great. We started chatting everyday, for months. Eventually I travelled to his area so we met up. We had amazing chemistry, and we ended having sex (please, don't judge). He said he felt a connection and then we kept talking everyday, he said he liked me a lot, so did I... however, it kind of fell apart because a couple weeks later I travelled to his area again, and I'd promised to meet up with him, but I couldn't because I was with my sister and she became difficult about it... so he kind of got hurt and stopped talking to me. In the meantime, I learned about my ex's infidelity. I felt awful. Then one day, suddenly, the guy I liked told me he didn't want to be angry anymore. So we talked, he said he still liked me, missed me, etc. I said I felt that way too, but that it was sad for me because of the distance, and that he shouldn't miss me. We kept talking casually and he'd always be sweet about it. During this week, he hadn't talked to me. Then yesterday, out of the blue, he texts to say he misses me SOOOO MUUUCH. I replied with a sad face, because what am I supposed to do? And then he just blurted it out like ripping off a band-aid... he said "yesterday I slept with another girl, but it wasn't the same like with you". I tried to be cool and laugh it off, and said he flattered me and he told me he meant not just physically but emotionally, and the connection he felt, and blah, blah. But truth is, even though his point was supposed to make me feel good, and even though I just laughed it off to seem cool, it hurt, badly! What was the point in saying that!? Maybe it's his emotional immaturity, his inexperience with relationships, I don't know... but what makes him think I want to hear that? "Hey I f&/$ed someone else, and it made me miss you". Why even tell me he misses me? Doesn't he have friends to talk about those things? He misses me, great, but it's his problem, not mine... I miss him constantly but I don't go telling him like expecting him to do something about it. I don't know... I just feel so pathetic being hung up on a guy I thought was different, at the very least I thought he'd be discreet about his sexual encounters, considering HE KNOWS I still like him. He should have been more considerate... if he knows I like him, why tell me something that will hurt me? It's common sense. He then went on and on about how it was special with me, how he wishes we could live closer to have a serious relationship and I'm thinking "please stop talking, and move on already... I sure will". I feel ugly, lame, pathetic... especially since I'm still recovering from my ex cheating on me. I'm trying to recover my faith in men after countless guys (even committed guys) trying to get in my pants without even trying to seem interested in me as a person rather than a a walking vagina. I feel used. I feel demoralized. I feel many things but it's hard to put everything into words. I feel worthless, and like men don't see me as someone to respect and cherish. I'm 24 and I've never felt loved or valued... my ex was sweet some of the time, the rest he always put me down or was downright cruel. Then I find out he cheated on me not just once, but several times. Now this guy treats me like a cross between one of the guys and a girlfriend, and I shouldn't care about what he did, since we're nothing, but I do... I insist, why tell me about his sexual encounters? That's just something I don't wanna hear about. I feel so stupid for caring. I'm hung up on him. Other guys are only after sex, and while I'm not looking to date, I also don't want to feel used. I'm not a person that has sex with just anyone, I need to have at least an intellectual connection. I could go and have sex with some guy, but I wouldn't enjoy it, so what's the point? I'm also not very attractive and now I feel REALLY ugly. I don't know why, but all this makes me feel ugly and ashamed... and there are so many beautiful women out there, it's like, why bother? But I want to feel special, I want to feel like someone actually cares about me and values me. Please try not to be too judgmental as I already feel like crap over this. I know I need to raise my self esteem, but how? It's easier said than done, and no matter how many good qualities I find in myself (smart, kind, funny, talented, etc.), I feel like men don't care about that, and that beauty trumps everything. For me, what makes my self esteem plummet is my lack of good looks, and sadly I can't change what I don't like (my facial features and my hair, which is thin and limp). And to add to all this... my sister is always going on and on about her perfect relationship, she always has her boyfriend over, he's always showering her with PDA (awkward), they baby talk in front of me, he is so attentive and loving, ie. the perfect boyfriend... I feel like life rubs in my face just how pathetic and unlovable I am, since I've never had that. Sorry this was so long.
LovesHangover Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 How could you say that you're not attractive or loveable? OMG! Focus on your assets and attributes. You are valuable. You are loveable. Also, I believe that a person who is honest with you even when they don't have to be is a keeper. Your feelings are hurt. Ok. Life happens. It is better to talk through problems/issues than keep them bottled up. You and this guy aren't in a relationship.
Author insecure_girl Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 I know we're not in a relationship, which is why I feel so stupid. I guess I still feel low about myself because of my last relationship... my ex constantly put me down, and cheated on me (which I learned about just recently). That makes me doubt about my self worth so much... also because guys only want sex, I can just tell by how they interact with me that they don't care about me as a person. This guy was an exception, and I know he didn't owe any honesty toward me, and I value his honesty, I do, but then again why tell me about it? You said we're not in a relationship... I think that's precisely why he shouldn't have told me. Now I feel stupid, I just wanna get over the hurt.
ddlovexx Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I know we're not in a relationship, which is why I feel so stupid. I guess I still feel low about myself because of my last relationship... my ex constantly put me down, and cheated on me (which I learned about just recently). That makes me doubt about my self worth so much... also because guys only want sex, I can just tell by how they interact with me that they don't care about me as a person. This guy was an exception, and I know he didn't owe any honesty toward me, and I value his honesty, I do, but then again why tell me about it? You said we're not in a relationship... I think that's precisely why he shouldn't have told me. Now I feel stupid, I just wanna get over the hurt. You have to feel the self-worth in yourself before anyone else can. You have to put YOU first, care about yourself more. Bring your self esteem up and be the girl you want to be, the girl every guy would want to me (which I'm sure you already are) and the rest will come easy. You have to feel strong and independent and confident... the right guy will see it a mile away and come for ya.
Recommended Posts