ohaimark Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Hey, So, my girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago, and we maintained no contact until about a week and a half ago. The breakup was fairly mutual, although more driven by her problems (she was struggling with depression, identity issues, abusive past relationship and school stress; she needed out, and I understood and accepted that.) She wished me a happy birthday on Facebook, and a few days later, I decided to call to tell her I was going to be coming through her area this weekend, and to ask if she wanted to get lunch or coffee (we agreed after the breakup to do that after a few weeks). I tried about 3 times over as many days with no answer before just texting her that information. She didn't reply at all to that either. At this point, I understand she may still need more space, and total silence may be her way of maintaining that, but I'm kind of pissed off about the non-reply, although I really don't want to be mad at her. She also has final exams in the next two weeks, and may not want to be distracted, although silence seems a bit excessive. One of her friends who I've been in touch with even agreed the silence was rude. I don't know what to do. Should I just let it sit permanently and wait for her? Should I try reaching out again once her exams are over? Should I wait a few weeks more than that? Did I try too hard to contact her this time, or did I act appropriately? What do you all think?
aisuru Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 You move on with your life and stop reaching out to her. Repeated rejection stings more than the initial breakup. Why would you do that to yourself two months down the road?
Author ohaimark Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 Why would you do that to yourself two months down the road? We had agreed to keep in touch and remain friends and stay in each other's lives after things had settled down sufficiently. Maybe she's not sufficiently settled yet? I don't know.
aisuru Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Well, you posted this on Second Chances, and are bothered she hasn't responded. I am guessing you are not quite over her either. Your attempt, 3 times, to contact her, along with a follow up text, have communicated to her that you are not ready for contact with her either. It's okay. I'm two months out and not sure how I would respond either. It just takes more time than 2 months to heal and recover from a breakup. It just does.
Author ohaimark Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 Well, you posted this on Second Chances, and are bothered she hasn't responded. I am guessing you are not quite over her either. Your attempt, 3 times, to contact her, along with a follow up text, have communicated to her that you are not ready for contact with her either. It's okay. I'm two months out and not sure how I would respond either. It just takes more time than 2 months to heal and recover from a breakup. It just does. That all makes sense, and thank you for your honestly. But what would you have been receptive to if yours tried to reach out?
aisuru Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 That all makes sense, and thank you for your honestly. But what would you have been receptive to if yours tried to reach out? I don't know. I wasn't the dumper, though I probably should have been. We had a pretty good relationship and did not go out with a bang. I know he'll contact me when he's ready. I will not contact him first. Right now, I have every intention of ignoring him, but who knows how I'll feel if and when he contacts me. There is part of me that still has hope. So it wouldn't be good for me right now to speak with him unless he too had hope.
Author ohaimark Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 I hear you, and good luck coping, however that plays out. I probably should have been the one to actually cut it off, but she brought it up before I was ready (I wanted to at least meet in person to do it, she ended up bringing it up over a phone call.) But that's the worst part, you don't really know at all what they're thinking or hoping for. I don't think she's such some sort of mean, heartless person who would have completely discarded any feelings (which were still pretty strongly shared when things ended; the whole split was really unwanted and timing was largely to blame). I'm also loosely in touch with a few mutual friends, although I've made a point of not trying to dig into where she's at, as that would just be disrespectful. I mean, could a non-reply be her way of giving herself space to figure everything out, or could it just be some sort of cold, bitchy move?
aisuru Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I hear you, and good luck coping, however that plays out. I probably should have been the one to actually cut it off, but she brought it up before I was ready (I wanted to at least meet in person to do it, she ended up bringing it up over a phone call.) But that's the worst part, you don't really know at all what they're thinking or hoping for. I don't think she's such some sort of mean, heartless person who would have completely discarded any feelings (which were still pretty strongly shared when things ended; the whole split was really unwanted and timing was largely to blame). I'm also loosely in touch with a few mutual friends, although I've made a point of not trying to dig into where she's at, as that would just be disrespectful. I mean, could a non-reply be her way of giving herself space to figure everything out, or could it just be some sort of cold, bitchy move? You can't drive yourself nuts wondering why she doesn't respond because in the end, it doesn't really matter, ya know? For whatever reason, she's not ready to speak with you. The ball is in her court now. You can't initiate contact again. You just keep going through life on your own taking care of you and putting yourself first. It's really your only option.
noneive Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 She is not ready to talk to you. 3 calls and text tells you that. Just leave her alone completely, especially until exams are over. If you care for her, let her heal. Something was wrong with your relationship, even if it was just her problems, and you both need to change before you can be friends or get back together. You know she isn't well. When she's ready, she will reach out to you. I don't think exes can be friends until they both would ever get back with the other person. If you ever want to get back together, you must leave her alone. Focus on yourself for now!
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