Painful day today

[McGriff]

So some of you may know my story, if not, check out my threads...quick recap, BU 3+ months ago blah blah blah---I'm sick of thinking about it.

 

Anyway, I'm having one of my down days. Haven't had one in a while. I've packed my schedule with so many activities over the last 2-3 weeks (purposefully) so that I wouldn't have so much down time to think. Well, lo and behold, as soon as I have one, she's on my mind. Not that I haven't thought about her recently, but today I just MISS her terribly. Just a completely helpless feeling. Unlike some of you, my ex has bombarded me with breadcrumbs, and while I know she loves and misses me (her words), it's torture because she's feels so close, but is yet so far way. I am one of those people who can't let go of hope.

 

I've tried. But it's always there. She doesn't help with the breadcrumbs. I went to a fireworks show last night near where I live, with my kids, my brother and his family and my mother, and I missed her soooo bad. Our little bar was nearby, and i could see the place where we would sit and laugh and the look in her eyes seemed to say "forever". I couldn't even enjoy myself and I was annoyed with my own feelings. Here I am with the most important people in my life, and I'm longing for someone who has chosen NOT to be with me. How do I get over all this? I've dated other people, gone on vacations, packed my calendar with activities, been through NC, spent quality time with friends and family, but yet here I am, almost as if its the day we split up.

 

I examine my feelings, and the pervasive thought seems to be that I'll never meet another like her. She was exactly what I wanted. Well maybe not EXACTLY, but she was pretty damn close. I've met so many people over the last few months, and they're all nice, but there is always, I mean always, something missing. Maybe it's just me, I don't know. Sorry for the rant, I'm just trying to get this stuff out of my head for therapy's sake. I know there are a lot of people hurting out there as well, and I say to them "just get over it!"....haha---I'm kidding of course. I've heard that time and again, and people don't understand how saying that to someone in the midst of heartbreak is like pouring a cup of water on a forest fire...

 

Anyway, I'm gonna fire up the grill and try to just make the most of this no eventful day, and try to get her out of my mind for a few hours, although I know I'm kidding myself...

Edited May 28, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[cavalier99]

As seems pretty normal. Just stay NC and let your brain process it all. Eventually you come out the other side and just wont give a crap and will be happlily single.. while it lasts. Lol

 

They key now is to never give in to any contact. Pure self preservation. And just suck it up as you go thru these things. Cav

[IS IT Better late]

McGriff my dude,

 

I know your pain b/c I feel it today. I had a really fun weekend, lot's of laughs, drinking, hanging out, I was feeling pretty good.

 

Then bam! Woke up this AM and the anger and sadness take over. I miss this girl sooo much and can't get rid of her from my mind.

 

My logical brain still doesn't understand that she wasn't as into me as I thought. Our time together felt so good but not enough for her.

 

It's so damn hard to think that she chose not to be with me and thinks another dude is the way to go.

 

Are you still getting the texts? It's 2- solid weeks of NC for me. Hard as hell. Last time I spoke with her we almost met up until she cancelled so I just can't forgive her for that.

 

I know you actually hung out with your chick, does that make it harder I don't know? I haven't seen this girl since Feb.

 

The idea of never seeing her gain still upsets the shyt out of me!!

[Venom01]

It will take some time. I agree with what everyone else is saying, pack yourself with some fun activities that you enjoy. Try doing something you've never done before. Turn that painful day into a creative day.

 

Edited January 6, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[mtnbiker3000]

Well, my guess is you set yourself back with all of that 'hanging out' with her at the pool and what not. Seemed harmless at the time, but look what happened... Now you have to start over with NC. Not trying to be a dick, but seems kinda obvious from the outside looking in. Anyway, stay strong my friend. And this time go complete and utter NC. Oh, and block the crumbs if you have to...

[McGriff]

IIBL,

 

Yeah I hung out with her 3 times in the last month, ending with the pool encounter. We both enjoyed each other all three occasions, but I felt like she was sending me wildly mixed signals. I mean telling me she loves me, misses me, flirting, telling me how much she loves my kids and how much her son misses me blah blah blah...it was getting old. And there was no affection, just the patronizing hugs and then right back to texting me. You already know about the "come over and cuddle" incident. I think I'm a pretty patient guy, but my patience ran out. I would say overall, I did what I had to do, and cut it all off with that letter I sent her. She sent me one last text last Wednesday telling me she dropped the paintball gun I bought from her in my garage, I said "ok thanks" and that was it---haven't heard from her. I don't miss the breadcrumbs, because they kept me off balance for over a month. I still don't know what her intentions were since she never answered my letter. I can only assume she wanted her cake and eat it too, but door has been shut. I am in NC now, and either she will realize what she's losing, or she won't. I feel good, because I've done all I can do, said all I can say, and now the ball is in her court. I miss her terribly, but I don't miss the crappy games that she has been playing. Her birthday is this Saturday, and birthdays are really important to her, but she won't hear anything from me. The only thing I regret is that I wish I had made her work a little harder in getting me to meet with her. I caved pretty quickly each time she offered because I was so heartbroken and full of hope. That sh*t is powerful and while others can see it, the heartbroken only look for a brief respite from the pain. I wish I'd had the cajones to turn her down on the meet ups, but you live and learn don't ya? Anyways, I did hook up this weekend, which was nice, but I'm still emotionally unavailable. How are things with you? You said you haven't seen her in three months? That's tough, but I'm staring that square in the face.

[mtnbiker3000]

Yup, she pulled the leash, and you jumped to attention. No worries. Doesn't make you weak or stupid. Just makes you human. If I were you, I would block all contact so she can't breadcrumb you or cake eat you, because obviously the temptation for you is too great. So, block, block, block and stay NC. And I think you will be all right

[McGriff]

Mountainbiker,

 

I've eaten enough breadcrumbs to last me through the winter!! Haha. Naw, there's nothing she can send me that would cause me to answer anything, except maybe an apology and a sincere "want" to make things work. And that ain't coming anytime soon, so I'll be ok. I think I just had to see for myself if she was "different" from what everyone else thought, and dissapointingly, she's not. Same old game playing, want her cake and eat it too bull****ter. Sucks, because I thought she was better than that. But, that's what most people do...dissapoint you. I honestly don't believe I'll hear from her for awhile, so I made a bet with my dad (may as well make some $$$ ) that I won't hear from her before July 4th for $100. So now I'm HOPING not to hear from her hahaha. There's more than one way to get over a breakup---bet against getting back together!!!

[mtnbiker3000]

except maybe an apology and a sincere "want" to make things work. And that ain't coming anytime soon, so I'll be ok.

 

Hmmm, even this might be just another ploy. She sounds pretty crafty I'd just stay away NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES!! Just my 2 pennies

[BustedUpInside]

Hmmm, even this might be just another ploy. She sounds pretty crafty I'd just stay away NO MATTER WHAT SHE DOES!! Just my 2 pennies

 

She does seem kind of full of those feminine wiles. It actually kind of reminds me of catch-and-release fishing. She baits the hook and reels you in. You think it looks good so you go for it, and once you realize how bad it is, it is too late. You fight, she fights, but finally she manages to wear you down and bring you in. Then she just lets you go. Repeats the whole process a few more times and suddenly you are conditioned. Then she's surprised that you still go for the bait and acts like it is your fault even though she is the one who put the hook in the water in the first place.

 

People like your ex just never seem to be able to see where they are doing damage. Sorry you are hurting, but I have a feeling that you will manage to make your way through it. You seem like you have everything pretty squared away and it is just going to take some time to process the new feelings. Good luck!!

[McGriff]

She does seem kind of full of those feminine wiles. It actually kind of reminds me of catch-and-release fishing. She baits the hook and reels you in. You think it looks good so you go for it, and once you realize how bad it is, it is too late. You fight, she fights, but finally she manages to wear you down and bring you in. Then she just lets you go. Repeats the whole process a few more times and suddenly you are conditioned. Then she's surprised that you still go for the bait and acts like it is your fault even though she is the one who put the hook in the water in the first place.

 

People like your ex just never seem to be able to see where they are doing damage. Sorry you are hurting, but I have a feeling that you will manage to make your way through it. You seem like you have everything pretty squared away and it is just going to take some time to process the new feelings. Good luck!!

 

Bustedupinside,

 

Exactly! It's pretty apparent that I was doing a good job of stroking her ego. But I've had enough. I'm not playing her stupid games anymore. I'm gonna swim upstream and see what I can find.

[IS IT Better late]

McGriff,

 

I would've went down the same route as you. If this chick made the sincere attempt to hangout with me there's no way I would've had the will power to resist her.

 

As others have said you're only human and you're still attached to her and desire to be with her. I feel the same way and haven't figured out how to break this attachment.

 

Even NC doesn't seem to squash the bug of wanting her. I really don't know anymore? It's been a little over 2-weeks since I've received any breadcrumbs from her and I'm still up & down.

 

I'm starting to angry with myself for letting this happen. 5- month relationship and 3-months since it ended. And she still haunts me everyday.

 

I've never missed anyone like this before? I feel like she put some sort of spell on me!

 

Fight the good fight with me and hopefully we'll both come back to this site one day and laugh at what tools we are lol!

[destroyed4sho]

I know your pain. The 3rd and 4th month are the worst, just hold on, your peaking right now.

 

I also have to be a little mean here. This is partly your fault as well...you should not have sent that message a week ago, it only set you back and made you hopeful that she would understand you. She does not care!! Process that through your head, you just have to. You are lying to yourself if you really think she loves you. She does not, she just wants to be friends for her own selfish reasons. Never reveal your true feeling is someone is not reciprocating. It will only lead to embarrassment and regret.

 

Your sick of feeling this way? well do something about it, stop sending her ****. You are working against yourself. Try to work on yourself rather than trying to work on this "relationship". Read some self-help books.

[McGriff]

IIBL,

 

Yep, we are in the same boat---5.5 mo RS, BU 3 months. I have done the breadcrumbs thing, but now that I know what I know, it won't be hard to resist them anymore. If she starts up again (and I don't think she will anymore), I will easily ignore them, and a meetup is definitely out of the question. I'm committed to moving on at this point. I love her, probably always will, but she has shown herself to be NOT the person I thought she was. She has knocked herself off the pedestal, and I'm glad she did.

 

Destroyed,

 

I have mixed emotions on the letter I sent. On the one hand, I probably gave her too much of myself in it (the ultimate ego stroke), but on the other hand, I let my feelings be known and in the interest of NOT playing games, I can walk away knowing I left nothing unsaid. Sometimes when you dump those emotions out, you feel sooo much better. Soooo, I guess overall I'm ok with it. I feel good knowing that she can't say I was an as*hole or I didn't love her. I was good to both her and her son, and she walked away from a good thing...what else can I do? It's all on her. Ultimately, I cut her off, and the fact that she hasn't said anything means she at least respects my position on the whole thing. It was all or nothing, and she chose nothing. Careful what you wish for right? That's exactly what she'll get.

[HuffmanMontana]

IIBL,

 

Yep, we are in the same boat---5.5 mo RS, BU 3 months. I have done the breadcrumbs thing, but now that I know what I know, it won't be hard to resist them anymore. If she starts up again (and I don't think she will anymore), I will easily ignore them, and a meetup is definitely out of the question. I'm committed to moving on at this point. I love her, probably always will, but she has shown herself to be NOT the person I thought she was. She has knocked herself off the pedestal, and I'm glad she did.

 

Destroyed,

 

I have mixed emotions on the letter I sent. On the one hand, I probably gave her too much of myself in it (the ultimate ego stroke), but on the other hand, I let my feelings be known and in the interest of NOT playing games, I can walk away knowing I left nothing unsaid. Sometimes when you dump those emotions out, you feel sooo much better. Soooo, I guess overall I'm ok with it. I feel good knowing that she can't say I was an as*hole or I didn't love her. I was good to both her and her son, and she walked away from a good thing...what else can I do? It's all on her. Ultimately, I cut her off, and the fact that she hasn't said anything means she at least respects my position on the whole thing. It was all or nothing, and she chose nothing. Careful what you wish for right? That's exactly what she'll get.

 

I didn't realize your relationship was only 5 months long.

 

If it's any consolation that is typically a pretty big turning point from my experience. You just have to chalk it up as her not being ready for the same emotional investment as you.

 

There are a lot of women out there who don't want to work towards something that lasts forever yet refuse to be alone. If I had to guess she's probably had a few short lived relationships after her son's father. This is the type of women who will never be good for you until she's been independent long enough to heal from the original loss.

 

She will text you in another 1-3 weeks to either tell you she misses you bring up a shared memory.

 

It's going to be hard for you to resist breaking NC.

[HuffmanMontana]

McGriff, it's an ego stroke either way.

 

You tell her your feelings, she knows you care.

 

You ignore her, she knows you're so upset you're ignoring her.

 

At least you left it out on the table and cannot regret telling her your true feelings. Time to keep your head high and move to a point where your happy with yourself.

[mtnbiker3000]

I know your pain. The 3rd and 4th month are the worst, just hold on, your peaking right now.

 

Oh man. I am at 74 NC days right now and I am all over the board. I hope this starts to taper off soon. My own mind is my worst enemy right now. It is so damn hard. Hanging on by a thread...

[McGriff]

Huffman,

 

It's so weird writing that name "Huffman" cause that's the town where she's from haha---ironic. Spent many a night there with her. Anyway, I'm not so sure she will contact me anymore. It just feels different, if you know what I mean. I could be wrong, but if she does, the best chance will be this weekend, as its her birthday. I absolutely will not wish her a HB, and she may say some snide remark about it, but whatever...on a different note, I did get a Facebook message from an old flame of mine today, from like 14 years ago, so that was pretty cool, and she looks good too, but she lives 800 miles away lol. Said she was thinking about me and looked me up. Sometimes, they really do come back! Haha.