Zammo25 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Do people actually move onto better things ? Or are we in a emotional breakdown Abyss forever ? It seems the latter from reading all the posts and threads on this site.
CarrieT Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I definitely moved on to better from the guy I broke up with that brought me to LS... 1
aisuru Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Of course you move on to better. If you take the steps to heal and learn from the breakup. Take a personal inventory of yourself, remind yourself of your goals in life. Then you apply those lessons to yourself and go about living your life. It's been my experience that each relationship has been better and healthier than the previous one. 1
SadHumiliated Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Do people actually move onto better things ? Or are we in a emotional breakdown Abyss forever ? It seems the latter from reading all the posts and threads on this site. Absolutely people move on to better things. The reason why you don't see them on this forum is because they are too busy with those better things. LS is a bad sampling as its people who are still enmeshed in the painful part of a relationship. People who are happy are out being happy...people trying to get to happiness are here for a while before they move on. 1
Leigh 87 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 You move on to better if you truly become a better person after the break up. Going through true heart ache, the type you can only feel if you TRULY loved someone with everything you had - will make you a more empathetic and strong person. You will realise that you can get through the very worst pain. Another thing I am thankful for is: I know myself so much better, in terms of what I want out of the next relationship, in the distance future once I have healed. Look it is different from person to person; one lady I spoke with says that it is not that she loves each guy MORE than the last; each relationship meant a lot to her, however the next guy is simply a much better match for her. Where as others do go on and love way stronger, after being with people they really did not love or even like that much. Personally, I have loved a lot and am still in the process of killing that love which I have inside of me. Still though; I am confident I will be able to work on myself and be a more whole and complete person to love, while also being able find a better guy for me that fits in with who I am and what I want in a relationship. I think if you are self aware and determine to better yourself and become a new and improved version of yourself after heartbreak, that yes; you will find someone "better" for you. 1
Author Zammo25 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 (edited) The thing is the only advice on here, and I have seen it time and time again is " get to the gym " The gym seems to be the holy grail of healing. Almost of Biblical proportions. I need something more valid than this. If only it were that simple. Maybe LS has shares in the major gyms. It would not surpise me. Edited May 26, 2013 by Zammo25 1
ddlovexx Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Haha, I've worked out 5x a week regularly since I was about 15. I'm 22 now. If you don't work out regularly, starting is definitely an upper. It will increase your mood and make you look at feel (endorphins!) better. As having worked out for so long regardless, I see that it does sometimes help my mood and sometimes it doesn't. We all have different things that make us happy/feel better.
Almond_Joy Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Do people actually move onto better things ? Or are we in a emotional breakdown Abyss forever ? It seems the latter from reading all the posts and threads on this site. Well I'm about two years out from a break up that wrecked me mentally and emotionally for the better part of a year. I'm stronger, more secure and truly happy with where I'm at and how I feel about myself and the guy I'm with. If you really don't want to feel the way you d onow, AND you truly want and know you deserve better, I think that one day you'll wake up and simply be tired of feeling bad about a situation that's long past and that you can't do anything about. And then it will be generally uphill from there. The time a person hits THAT point varies from individual to individual. But just keep going, one day at a time, and carry that fragile hope that things can be better....because eventually and inevitably, if you believe that they can, then they will . Good luck.
aisuru Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 The thing is the only advice on here, and I have seen it time and time again is " get to the gym " The gym seems to be the holy grail of healing. Almost of Biblical proportions. I need something more valid than this. If only it were that simple. Maybe LS has shares in the major gyms. It would not surpise me. Here is my go to list when I'm going through a difficult time. 1. Must shower and get ready for the day within 2 hours of waking up so you are not tempted to lay on the couch all day vegging out to TV. Sitting around doing nothing allows you too much time in your head. Necessary sometimes, but don't fall into that trap. 2. Go to the gym. It's just a fact that you will feel better after exercise and it's good for you. It doesn't hurt your self confidence that you might even shave off a few pounds or tone up a bit. 3. Write down your thoughts and feelings. In a journal, on a blog, anywhere. Sometimes I just need to get the rambling thoughts out of my head so I can better manage my feelings. Be honest in your writings. 4. Take a walk or sit outside for a half hour to hour. The daylight will do you good. 5. Renew your interest in a past hobby or go out and learn something new. I used to quilt and scrapbook in my 20s but allowed my career, relationships, and life to let them fall by the wayside in my 30s. I'm getting back into quilting and I signed up for a photography class, something I have always wanted to do. 6. Go to the local farmer's market and wander around. 7. Get out and volunteer. I do this anyway and it really helps put your own issues into perspective while empowering you through helping others. 8. Write down 5 long term life goals and 5 short term life goals. Think about how you're going to get there and map it out. Now is a good time to straighten out your finance goals as well. 9. Stay away from alcohol, nicotine, or other toxic substances. Right now you need to take care of yourself by eating healthy and taking vitamins. Drink lots of water! 10. Write a list of what you want in a relationship. Write a list of what traits you could improve in yourself for the next relationship. Write a list of things about yourself in the last relationship that you didn't like and would like to do differently. Write a list of what you want in your next partner. Keep these lists short. They will be eye opening and help you to focus on how to be a better partner and contribute to a better relationship. 11. Have a couple trusted friends who you can call or who can come over and listen to you cry any time day or night. Rotate these friends as you don't want to burn them out from listening to you obsess about the guy. Maybe gift them with a massage or mani/pedi to thank them for their support. 12. Write an action plan of these or other things you will do to get on with your life and focus on your. Paste a copy of this action plan on your bathroom mirror so you see it daily. Read it daily. You have to fill that void in yourself that thoughts of your ex are occupying. Discover who you are and what you love to do. Not only will you feel better, it will make you more attractive to somebody else in the future. Be easy on yourself. Time really does help to heal a broken heart. But take advantage of this low point to learn about yourself, learn how to love yourself, and learn how you want to live your life.
ballycastle Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 You move on to better if you truly become a better person after the break up. Going through true heart ache, the type you can only feel if you TRULY loved someone with everything you had - will make you a more empathetic and strong person. You will realise that you can get through the very worst pain. Another thing I am thankful for is: I know myself so much better, in terms of what I want out of the next relationship, in the distance future once I have healed. Look it is different from person to person; one lady I spoke with says that it is not that she loves each guy MORE than the last; each relationship meant a lot to her, however the next guy is simply a much better match for her. Where as others do go on and love way stronger, after being with people they really did not love or even like that much. Personally, I have loved a lot and am still in the process of killing that love which I have inside of me. Still though; I am confident I will be able to work on myself and be a more whole and complete person to love, while also being able find a better guy for me that fits in with who I am and what I want in a relationship. I think if you are self aware and determine to better yourself and become a new and improved version of yourself after heartbreak, that yes; you will find someone "better" for you. Love this post and everyone's contributions. I realised today that there is a pattern in the type of guys I attract, ones I know are beneath me due to poor self esteem. Gonna fix that with healing and make better choices in the future. And gonna print these messages out. Post should be pinned on the message board as a constant moral booster. Thanks everyone, faith is now restored in the galaxy.
SimonSerenade Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I moved on to better things, at the time I didn't think those things even existed, after the break up I was crushed, couldn't find acceptance and move on, in the end I dragged myself out of it and pushed myself to live more and I did things that I found peace with, started hanging round with my family a bit more, goin on random day outs, everyday felt great again and life was beautiful. I was happy on my own and I could fully enjoy the time I had with my son without being nagged at or made to feel bad about something, so after about a year and a half of being single and having no interest in anyone what so ever I met a girl I fell very hard for and looking back, I can't see why or how I was so blind, this girl is all and everything I never even knew I wanted, though we've had our problems, we've always had a special connection, when I'm around her, she completes me, i never felt like that with anyone, I've never had any doubt with her that she's the one for me and she's the one I'll stand by no matter what, so yeah, the pain doesn't last forever and sooner or later you realise why it all fell apart and the person your meant to be with one day will make you happy it did because there worth it .
Leigh 87 Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Love this post and everyone's contributions. I realised today that there is a pattern in the type of guys I attract, ones I know are beneath me due to poor self esteem. Gonna fix that with healing and make better choices in the future. And gonna print these messages out. Post should be pinned on the message board as a constant moral booster. Thanks everyone, faith is now restored in the galaxy. It sucks to sit back and say " yeah well the person I am madly in love with LEFT me but OH WELL I learnt so much about myselllf Yayyyy " Lol. At first, your just plain heartbroken and could not care less about "learning more about yourself" "growing as a person" I realised though, that I will find better and be HAPPIER than I was in the past, with the new guy, because it is likely I will pick a better match (which I could only have discovered through my past experience with the wrong guy!) There are many thing you can like about an ex; they do not all fck us over and leave us for other people and then talk badly about us to their friends. I have learnt that I like guys who... - love travel and adventure - will not be perturbed if I am at the mall and buy kids toys from the cheap shop and play around with them while we go for a walk ( I love long walks and people who like being active, yet not gym junkies!) - I love BLUE EYES and blonde hair:love: -they have to be bigger than me so I feel small always loved up with me and still maintain a level of excitement to see me (yet I understand things get mundane, but there has to be a spark there, and they have to be excited to see me throughout the entire relationship, albeit not every time I enter a room I guess) - etc etc the list goes on.. I love affectionate men who say "hello gorgeous", but who do not go around saying it so readily to every girl they come across. I like then to be independent, yet really fall hard and risk getting hurt and choose to forgo a lot of their independence in order to spend a lot of time me (cos I am their fave person to be around) I LOVE independence AND a lot of affection at he same time.
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Do people actually move onto better things ? Or are we in a emotional breakdown Abyss forever ? It seems the latter from reading all the posts and threads on this site. The thing about belonging to this site, Zammo, is that hundreds of times, people have thrown you down ropes, and you've basically ignored them. After a while, if you're stuck in the "emotional breakdown abyss" you begin to realise that (a) it's not actually so deep, and (b) you're there because you choose to be there. Autobiography in 5 chapters (quoted in "The Tibetan Book of Living & Dying") 1) I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost.....I am Hopeless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. 2) I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place. But it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. 3) I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in......it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. 4) I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. 5) I walk down another street. Portia Nelson (The book itself is also worth a read.) 2
McDonald Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 That quote from the book is me exactly and probably many people who are still here. It's a head game now. It has nothing to do with our ex. We are creating an allusion that they are still the ones making us think like that. But it's only us, it has been only us for some time now. Time to accept that 1
Renard99 Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 It only looks like a lot are in the 'emotional breakdown abyss' because there are new people joining Loveshack. There are plenty of names that I remember from when I first joined that aren't around any more. People who started in emotional pain and slowly picked themselves up and dusted themselves off, until one day they didn't come back here. I've successfully moved on from a break up that hit me like a freight train and I really struggled. Took me between 9 months and a year to truly heal, but here I am, in a relationship that's far better than the last (having learnt my lessons) and still going strong. It can, and does, happen. I think it's just that by the time people have got to this stage they're less likely to be on this forum.
killlingspree Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Do people actually move onto better things ? Or are we in a emotional breakdown Abyss forever ? It seems the latter from reading all the posts and threads on this site. Some people do and some people don't. Life isn't simple or black and white. People come to this site when they mostly feel like ****.
tinkerbelldandy Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I think it's all in how we look at the break up. If we continue to focus on it and our energy towards the ex, then yes you'll be stuck in the abyss. But go ahead and have the good cry and mourn the relationship, it did matter to you after all. And then move on and start to begin focusing on yourself and what you learned from the relationship and begin to apply it to your self improvement. People don't usually develop from the positive things going on in their lives. It's the negatives that we truly develop.
TaraMaiden Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I advise a glance at posting history before being so new and commenting. Nice to meet you guys, but our good friend Zammo here, has a 'history'. And I'll be honest - he gives the impression of being beyond help, because sadly, he fails to see that he has help and should use it.
Author Zammo25 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Thanks for the kind words. Always guaranteed to stick the knife in your back that's our TM.
RogerWallace111 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Yes of course they do. In my case for instance. Not that it will help you to hear it but I'm having trouble sleeping so I feel like writing. Though my "love" life has been more, eh, interesting than enjoyable, I've moved on to better things in all other categories. First tastes of global artistic success (the key one), new friendships, much more fun/excitement in general, fitter, nicer pad, etc... But I will be the first to admit that when you've had a deep love and they're no longer in your life, there can be a lingering void. Whether it's a lack of them specifically or just having someone (the latter in my case). That's what keeps me checking in on this side of the forum from time to time. Because I haven't moved on to "better" things in my romantic life (in these 8 months). If that's specifically what you mean, the answer's still obviously yes - people do. Sh*t takes time, homie.
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