mbee Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Earlier this morning I saw a picture of my ex and the married woman he left me for last night. It just showed up in my news feed from a mutual friend and one of the reasons deactivating my Facebook is necessary. I was shocked. He had flew to Washington DC to spend 2 weeks with her (neglecting work, family and friends). Then she flew with him to TN for some event he's at probably since it's Memorial Day Weekend. They are spending all this time together. Please note before they only talked on Facebook and he had seen her for an hour max before he broke up with me. We broke up a month ago, and they have been together physically for 3/4 weeks since our breakup. It just made me feel worse since me and him were supposed to go to that event together, and do a road trip through the South. Egh, it's so heart wrenching! And she's still married! I imagine she's not working things with her husband and is avoiding family and friends. Honestly, I felt high on panic mode, was at work, and called a friend bawling for 30 minutes. My friend was understanding and kind, but I have a feeling I'll continue to have moments like this. How do you guys deal with these feelings? I don't want to keep bugging my friends. What do you do to just calm down, relax and be rational? Being rational is important to me. At first I was feeling, oh my gosh, he's doing these things with her, he must truly love her, etc. Then after talking to my friend I realized we talked on the phone last week and he said he wasn't doing well, is still talking to me like he's in love, even sent me an email telling me he loved me while at the airport with her, all signs of someone who is not 100% happy. Plus it's probably an escape from reality right now for the both of them. I just don't want my first irrational thoughts to drive me into this pit of despair anymore. For folks who've had time to cope and move forward, what did you do to get through these moments of craziness?
SadHumiliated Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Earlier this morning I saw a picture of my ex and the married woman he left me for last night. It just showed up in my news feed from a mutual friend and one of the reasons deactivating my Facebook is necessary. I was shocked. He had flew to Washington DC to spend 2 weeks with her (neglecting work, family and friends). Then she flew with him to TN for some event he's at probably since it's Memorial Day Weekend. They are spending all this time together. Please note before they only talked on Facebook and he had seen her for an hour max before he broke up with me. We broke up a month ago, and they have been together physically for 3/4 weeks since our breakup. It just made me feel worse since me and him were supposed to go to that event together, and do a road trip through the South. Egh, it's so heart wrenching! And she's still married! I imagine she's not working things with her husband and is avoiding family and friends. Honestly, I felt high on panic mode, was at work, and called a friend bawling for 30 minutes. My friend was understanding and kind, but I have a feeling I'll continue to have moments like this. How do you guys deal with these feelings? I don't want to keep bugging my friends. What do you do to just calm down, relax and be rational? Being rational is important to me. At first I was feeling, oh my gosh, he's doing these things with her, he must truly love her, etc. Then after talking to my friend I realized we talked on the phone last week and he said he wasn't doing well, is still talking to me like he's in love, even sent me an email telling me he loved me while at the airport with her, all signs of someone who is not 100% happy. Plus it's probably an escape from reality right now for the both of them. I just don't want my first irrational thoughts to drive me into this pit of despair anymore. For folks who've had time to cope and move forward, what did you do to get through these moments of craziness? Every time I think of him and what happens I do a minute plank. They hurt like **** and you have to concentrate on nothing but them for the minute you do it. Its helping me. But yea, I've spent most of today crying off and on. I guess...feel your feelings. Don't suppress or push them down when they come up.
Leigh 87 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Hey, it sounds like they are both avoiding very painful situations. Cutting him out, which is what my plan is for my ex, means that we will not know what hey are doing with any new people in their lives. It is never nice to actually tell yourself that " they were not in love or in love enough with you, yet they will find a women who they love more" We both need to try to act like these men are dead, and to not concern ourselves with any women they may or may not be madly in love with. I broke NC so I understand it is hard to cut them out and really act like they are dead/gone forever. Look for what it is worth: even if this women is the love of his life, they are both not in the right headspace to be in a serious relationship. Even if he met the love of his life, which should be of no concern to you; it is not right that he still texts his ex telling her that he still loves her. I sure as hell would not put up with a guy who texted that ****e to his ex! No matter HOW in love he was with me! I could be the love of his LIFE and I still would not accept him texting his ex! BLOCK FACEBOOK. I did. And my ex does not even write anything on it anyways. I have not blocked his number but I will if he breaks NC without the intent of getting back together.. I am not sure what your ex is doing, however; I made it VERY..VERY clear to my ex, that I never want to hear from him again. I do not want to be his friend. I do not want to hear from him ever again unless he is single and is sure he wants to try to work on being together again. If he I snot respectful of that, I will have to block his number though. Your ex is really pushing the limit; I would get so angry if a guy told me he loved me and sent bread crumbs to me, when he had no intention of getting back together with me and was, in fact, with another women!:mad: He has some nerve, that guy.
Author mbee Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 That's good advice SadHumilated! I think that's a problem I have too. It sucks to feel this much pain but maybe I need more days of crying and sadness. Thanks so much for your comments Leigh. Always helpful.
siankat Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 pity pity pity!!! i would pity a guy who did that to me! there he is having left me, for an unavailable woman, isnt happy with her, tells me so, while sitting next to her!!! What an awful situation. I think any anger i felt toward him would be over ridden by sheer pity of him and his situation! You are the winner here. I know i shouldn't be saying things like that but you really are.
siankat Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Every time I think of him and what happens I do a minute plank. They hurt like **** and you have to concentrate on nothing but them for the minute you do it. Its helping me. But yea, I've spent most of today crying off and on. I guess...feel your feelings. Don't suppress or push them down when they come up. I'd have been planking all day long 4 months ago!! Really?!?! i'd love to go up to the next person i see planking and ask them 'tough breakup?' 1
metal_chick Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Can you hide the mutual friends from your news feed? Saves deleting them. Just do something you really like. I go for a walk, I put on some music and shake it out, I read a book, I have a shower. A shower was a good one. I had a few weeks off from work for stress leave and I ended up showering about 3-4 times a day. In the shower, I was allowed to do all the crying I needed to, but when I stepped out, that was it. No more crying. Sounds weird, but the hot water and steam helped.
CelticGibson Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I work out. I find that the endorphins released during a workout help tremendously to calm the frustrations and sad feelings.
siankat Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 i expose myself to the elements. if it is a windy day, go to the windiest most beautiful part of the city and feel natures emotion over power or match ur own. Same goes if it's raining...ppl scatter out of the rain while i walk right out in it and stand there..me and the rain..find comfort in our rejection. Blast music hard so you feel it rip through ur body. To be honest i think that is why ppl self harm, to feel something stronger than the feeling they are feeling at that moment to release the pressure. endorphin release helps too. choose a healthy way. i try and stick to nature. or overwhelming beauty. i have my own things i use. Basically u need to become overwhelmed by something else. It helps.
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