rj9 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Hey everyone, So I have been this girl for about 1.5 months, we have been on 6-7 dates and we talk regularly on the phone. When we first started hanging out she was always the one calling and setting up dates etc. In the past I have been a serial dater and never really thought about relationships or settling down. When I met this girl I felt like she was the real deal, we got along really well and our dates often lasted 4-5 hours easily and most of it was us talking and having fun getting to know each other. So this past thursday I brought up the lets be exclusive talk with her, I know it was a little soon, but in the past I have let some really cool people get away because I always waited too long or was too non-chalant. She said that she appreciated my courage, however she did know what exclusivity meant to her and she is precautious and wants to take things very slowly. ( She has never been in a really serious relationship either). She said she likes me and wants to keep seeing me but still wants to have the option of seeing other people. So I asked her if she was seeing anyone else while we were hanging out and she said no. She also said it would be good for us date around so we can clarify what we want before we become exclusive. She always stated from the beginning she was tired of dating around and wanted a serious relationship. So I asked her hangout this coming Monday and she said she will let me know. It's been three days since thursday and I haven't contacted her and I haven't heard from her either. She told me she needed time to figure things out. I feel like I effed up royally, should I just cut my losses and move on or should I wait a little bit to see what she says? Thank you so much!
Addison312 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I don't think 1.5 months is a short time at all to determine exclusivity. Maybe she's a commitment phobe...you said 6/7 dates? That's not very many in a month and a half. Does she have a bf?!
Star Gazer Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 6/7 dates in 6-7 weeks, and she's been the one doing most of the initiating? I don't believe she hasn't been dating anyone else; but it's clear that she wants the ability to do so. You didn't make a mistake in asking, if that's what you're looking for. Where you made a misstep, IMO, is by not contacting her since. When someone says they need more time to be sure, that doesn't mean "go away while I figure it out." It means they want to continue dating you while they do.
Author rj9 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 I don't think 1.5 months is a short time at all to determine exclusivity. Maybe she's a commitment phobe...you said 6/7 dates? That's not very many in a month and a half. Does she have a bf?! No she doesn't. She was just finishing school and was very busy with exams and what not.
Author rj9 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 6/7 dates in 6-7 weeks, and she's been the one doing most of the initiating? I don't believe she hasn't been dating anyone else; but it's clear that she wants the ability to do so. You didn't make a mistake in asking, if that's what you're looking for. Where you made a misstep, IMO, is by not contacting her since. When someone says they need more time to be sure, that doesn't mean "go away while I figure it out." It means they want to continue dating you while they do. Thanks ...but a lot of my friends have said, let her come to you or give her space. I mean it's only been 3 days since I asked her. I don't wanna be pushy either.
Star Gazer Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Thanks ...but a lot of my friends have said, let her come to you or give her space. I mean it's only been 3 days since I asked her. I don't wanna be pushy either. If you're going to listen to your friends, why are you posting here? If one of her concerns is your lack of initiation (it certainly would be one of mine given that she's had to do all of the work up to this point), your continued lack of contact wouldn't sit well with me. She didn't ask for space. She asked for time.
Author rj9 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 If you're going to listen to your friends, why are you posting here? If one of her concerns is your lack of initiation (it certainly would be one of mine given that she's had to do all of the work up to this point), your continued lack of contact wouldn't sit well with me. She didn't ask for space. She asked for time. True. But the last few weeks I have been doing all the initiating and calling. It seems like she backed off a bit.
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