SadHumiliated Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 In your experience...do relationships born from cheating turn into lasting loving partnerships? Trying to cope with my emotions right now that he is giving her the relationship I wanted. I know it's negative thinking...I'm having a rough day. I think I'm hitting that wall between 6-8 weeks of NC and my heart is starting to hurt again. Finding out they are together has re-picked the scab. I need encouragement is all.
mammasita Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Even if it does last, he will cheat on her too. Chin up! You dodged a bullet.
CorridorE Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I don't think so. If they cheat and leave their partner for you, you already know what they are capable of. They will say it's different with you, but they claimed to love their ex at some point or another as well. A cheater's a cheater, regardless of who they're with.
ddlovexx Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I will tell you my experience as I just lost the (once) love of my life to another girl. I found out halfway through our relationship that he was talking to other girls, telling them I was "crazy" and that we "broke up", none of which was true. He obviously needed attention from other girls because me giving him every second wasn't enough (RIGHT!?) When I broke up with him the first time because of this, 8 months into our relationship I found out that he was seeing another girl when he first started seeing me. Then dropped her cold turkey and started dating me. Shocker. Also turned out he had lied about so many things during our relationship. She warned me never to get back with him because he would never change. He begged for me back and I thought he would do the right thing, so I forgave him and gave it another go. I was constantly worried about him talking to girls to the point I was getting sick over it. Always go with your gut... because we broke up 2 weeks ago and he quit me cold turkey, has a new gf 4 days later. Honestly, I don't think they ever change and if they do it's years and years down the road when they actually grow up and turn into men. Only when guys are much older do they look back and go "yeah, I hurt a lot of girls when I was young and stupid." I've only met a few, older married men who have admitted ****ing up when they're young. Dogs will be dogs. I constantly think about how his new relationship will probably falter eventually. He will get tired just like he did of me and the other girls, he needs more attention. It depends on the person obviously but once a cheater/liar, usually always a cheater/liar. So, I also realize I'm better off. It sucked constantly worrying about whether he was lying/cheating again (and he obviously was). Someday someone won't make us second-guess a damn thing.
ddlovexx Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Also would like to add that my first ex cheated and left me for another girl too, and they broke up recently too. Who knows why or if it was karma. But don't focus on his next relationship, focus on you and yours.
Ponders Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 If it's any consolation, I had been seeing my upstairs neighbor for approx half a year in which we formed a very tight bond. But, over time it became clear that we needed space from each other as we had met for the very first time while occupying conjoining apartments in a house and rapidly accelerated into a passionate romance from there. It has been just over a week since we agreed we both need space from one another with her contention being she needed to find her independence as that is something she felt she had been lacking most her life. Fast forward just six days after this talk, and I see her leaving the house one morning with her ex-boyfriend. I would say its safe to presume they had sex. How do you think that made me feel? After a few days loathing and feeling inadequate, I have rapidly recovered and put the negative emotions aside as it affirmed my reasoning to want to cut ties with her in the first place. If someone chronically exhibits weak character and the inability to get by with themselves, they do not warrant your respect and you should see it as an opportunity to displace your mental anguish while opening up to new opportunities and new people who better align with your values. You will feel better in time. The time table is un-clear, but you must have faith. Live with integrity and a strong positive mental attitude and it will carry you through this questionable time. I wish you all the best. -Mr. Ponders
Author SadHumiliated Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 I will tell you my experience as I just lost the (once) love of my life to another girl. I found out halfway through our relationship that he was talking to other girls, telling them I was "crazy" and that we "broke up", none of which was true. He obviously needed attention from other girls because me giving him every second wasn't enough (RIGHT!?) When I broke up with him the first time because of this, 8 months into our relationship I found out that he was seeing another girl when he first started seeing me. Then dropped her cold turkey and started dating me. Shocker. Also turned out he had lied about so many things during our relationship. She warned me never to get back with him because he would never change. He begged for me back and I thought he would do the right thing, so I forgave him and gave it another go. I was constantly worried about him talking to girls to the point I was getting sick over it. Always go with your gut... because we broke up 2 weeks ago and he quit me cold turkey, has a new gf 4 days later. Honestly, I don't think they ever change and if they do it's years and years down the road when they actually grow up and turn into men. Only when guys are much older do they look back and go "yeah, I hurt a lot of girls when I was young and stupid." I've only met a few, older married men who have admitted ****ing up when they're young. Dogs will be dogs. I constantly think about how his new relationship will probably falter eventually. He will get tired just like he did of me and the other girls, he needs more attention. It depends on the person obviously but once a cheater/liar, usually always a cheater/liar. So, I also realize I'm better off. It sucked constantly worrying about whether he was lying/cheating again (and he obviously was). Someday someone won't make us second-guess a damn thing. Thank you so much for this. Our situations are very similar. He overlapped me and the other girl for about two months(I had initially thought it was a one time thing) but they started an emotional relationship long before they started dating. I've been talking (finally) to mutual friends about all this and from what they say he doesn't want anyone to know they are "kind of dating" right now. So he is trying to keep that mess a secret. I think I am very relieved not to have to worry about that gut intuition feeling anymore. Today has been a particularly hard day for whatever reason. Like my name implies...I'm still feeling the humiliation but I'm not comparing myself to her anymore. I know enough about her to know she has major issues. Mutual friends think they will implode eventually. I now know what an unhappy person he is internally. I think for right now I will hold on to the thought of them imploding as a sort of buoy while I push past this depression stage. I need at least that.
ddlovexx Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Sad, what you need to do is worry about YOU and work on YOU and that is what will get you through this stage and every stage after that. It's what's getting me through and the more I work on myself the better I feel! 1
Recommended Posts