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Do women use sex on the first date to get monogamy?

jcrew11

By jcrew11
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therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
Posted
Told you I never slept with anyone on the first date, and I don't think I'll ever do it, for the reasons I outlined (shy, can't touch strangers mainly). Why so much rushing, people? Why can't we refrain just a little bit? I personally never felt comfortable sleeping with someone on the first date. Just wasn't, nothing imposed.

 

And btw, off topic, what does it mean "sex is bad". I know how a man could give bad sex, i.e. not enough foreplay and no orgasm for her. How is a woman "bad in bed". Just inactive? I always wondered what does that mean.

 

No one is trying to rush, sorry if you go that impression, I just think is wrong to have a plan or a rule to have sex (like the 3 dates rule). With some women I was having sex within 1 hour and with some it took me weeks, it all depends on the chemistry you have with that person in concrete.

 

Women can also be bad in bed... there are many ways, inactive, low stamina, lack of passion, lack of initiative... Men orgasm much easier than women but just because a man orgasm you can't think you are great sex.

  • Like 1
BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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And this happens after a first date??

 

No, it happened after the third date.

 

But I was never comfortable enough to sleep with someone at the first date. People are just different.

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
Told you I never slept with anyone on the first date, and I don't think I'll ever do it, for the reasons I outlined (shy, can't touch strangers mainly). Why so much rushing, people? Why can't we refrain just a little bit? I personally never felt comfortable sleeping with someone on the first date. Just wasn't, nothing imposed.

 

And btw, off topic, what does it mean "sex is bad". I know how a man could give bad sex, i.e. not enough foreplay and no orgasm for her. How is a woman "bad in bed". Just inactive? I always wondered what does that mean.

 

Well see, you are using arguments thinking you've know the person for more than a few days - and we're talking about having sex with someone one or a few days after meeting him...

It's normal we don't have the same inputs.

 

To answer your question, sex is rarely 'bad' for a man, even if the woman stays there and does nothing (in that case it's probably just boring)

 

Female sexuality is a lot more complex than male sexuality - I'm told.

therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
Posted

To answer your question, sex is rarely 'bad' for a man, even if the woman stays there and does nothing (in that case it's probably just boring)

 

Female sexuality is a lot more complex than male sexuality - I'm told.

 

First time I don't agree with you ;)

 

I have had terrible sex with women, really, really boring!

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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I haven't read the whole thread, but here's my answer:

 

I don't have sex to get anything... except sex. I've had sex on the first date a few times, and it was always simply because I wanted to have sex with that man at that time. I had no serious expectations beyond, other than the same basic respect we'd shown each other all along.

 

I had sex with my boyfriend on our first date almost a year ago - because I wanted him bad - and we are now seriously discussing marriage :)

  • Like 3
BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
Posted
Well see, you are using arguments thinking you've know the person for more than a few days - and we're talking about having sex with someone one or a few days after meeting him...

It's normal we don't have the same inputs.

 

To answer your question, sex is rarely 'bad' for a man, even if the woman stays there and does nothing (in that case it's probably just boring)

 

Female sexuality is a lot more complex than male sexuality - I'm told.

 

I was just trying to say that having sex on the first date, like the thread suggests, is not a good strategy, IF sex is used as a strategy. Then people pushed me with further questions why this why that. It's a highly personal decision when and how to have sex anyway, just using strategies is wrong. And men using "if she did that, i do that" could also be misguided, women could have their own personal/psychological reasons for doing whatever they are doing, it's not always a "strategy" and we should stop being paranoid and seeing everything as a war.

  • Like 1
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
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First time I don't agree with you ;)

 

I have had terrible sex with women, really, really boring!

 

well yes boring...but you still had an orgasm, right?

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
I was just trying to say that having sex on the first date, like the thread suggests, is not a good strategy, IF sex is used as a strategy. Then people pushed me with further questions why this why that. It's a highly personal decision when and how to have sex anyway, just using strategies is wrong. And men using "if she did that, i do that" could also be misguided, women could have their own personal/psychological reasons for doing whatever they are doing, it's not always a "strategy" and we should stop being paranoid and seeing everything as a war.

 

 

This is going around in circles - I give up.

 

I'm reading about myself, reading about myself, reading about myself. My head hurts...lol

therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
Posted
I was just trying to say that having sex on the first date, like the thread suggests, is not a good strategy, IF sex is used as a strategy. Then people pushed me with further questions why this why that. It's a highly personal decision when and how to have sex anyway, just using strategies is wrong. And men using "if she did that, i do that" could also be misguided, women could have their own personal/psychological reasons for doing whatever they are doing, it's not always a "strategy" and we should stop being paranoid and seeing everything as a war.

 

I totally agree with you in the bold part, we should see dating as fun and not as a battle with a winner and a loser, it is scary when you see how much people over analyse dating here and plan strategies because it makes me feel played.

When I date a woman I am exactly as I am, no pretensions no strategies and I expect the same. Therefore I told you I hate games when it comes to dating.

  • Like 1
BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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This is going around in circles - I give up.

 

I'm reading about myself, reading about myself, reading about myself. My head hurts...lol

 

OK, it is indeed going in circles, giving up is a good idea.

therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
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well yes boring...but you still had an orgasm, right?

 

Ohh don't tell me you have never had an orgasm and still thought it was horrible?

But yes... at least I got the consolation prize :cool:

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
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Ohh don't tell me you have never had an orgasm and still thought it was horrible?

But yes... at least I got the consolation prize :cool:

 

See?

 

Not really. Keep in mind I'm a woman. It takes a little work to get me off. :laugh:

I've had great sex with no orgasm but orgasm with bad sex? Nope...

  • Like 2
BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
Posted
I totally agree with you in the bold part, we should see dating as fun and not as a battle with a winner and a loser, it is scary when you see how much people over analyse dating here and plan strategies because it makes me feel played.

When I date a woman I am exactly as I am, no pretensions no strategies and I expect the same. Therefore I told you I hate games when it comes to dating.

 

THANK YOU! I feel exactly the same. And I wish in real life, people would give the other the benefit of the doubt before giving up on them and not look for games/strategies all over the place.

  • Like 1
therhythm Established Member

therhythm

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See?

 

Not really. Keep in mind I'm a woman. It takes a little work to get me off. :laugh:

I've had great sex with no orgasm but orgasm with bad sex? Nope...

 

You lucky girl! I know many women that would not be happy with just one orgasm!

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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You lucky girl! I know many women that would not be happy with just one orgasm!

 

Well maybe these women should learn to have sex without expecting the orgasm for it to be good.

Since I stopped worrying about having an orgasm and just decided to go with it I started having multiple orgasms.

ha!

  • Like 1
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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I would have to wait anywhere between 4 to 6 months. I think after 6 month I would know if a woman is suitable for me. I would have to see her at least twice a week to get actually know her.

I certainly don't play games. A woman if I like on the first date without doubt. Physically and verbally I usually show I like someone.

 

I don't know how many women would wait that long but I like a good foundation before sex comes into play. If anything sooner I feel it won't be a lasting relationship so I communicate with that. Not every guy wants to spread his seed all over the place.

 

See I find sex is an important part of a relationship. Wait 6 months? No thanks...maybe when I was 16...

It's not about spreading seeds or just getting laid...but it helps develop the connection and intimacy with your partner.

  • Like 1
Adele0908 Established Member

Adele0908

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Ohh don't tell me you have never had an orgasm and still thought it was horrible?

But yes... at least I got the consolation prize :cool:

 

I read from a sexologist/relationship guru that for a man an orgasm and ejaculation can happen independently of each other.

 

So a man can ejaculate but not orgasm. Or ejaculate AND orgasm. But I don't know about a man having an orgasm without ejaculating.

 

So what's the deal on that?

BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

Posted
Posted
See I find sex is an important part of a relationship. Wait 6 months? No thanks...maybe when I was 16...

It's not about spreading seeds or just getting laid...but it helps develop the connection and intimacy with your partner.

I think this is backwards. Sex doesn't necessarily help develop intimacy at all. I agree sexual compatibility is important though, so maybe 4-6 months would be a bit much.

  • Like 1
Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

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I think this is backwards. Sex doesn't necessarily help develop intimacy at all. I agree sexual compatibility is important though, so maybe 4-6 months would be a bit much.

 

Actually, it does. I'm pretty sure it's been proven too but I'd have to research it. I don't imply there would need to be sex after the first date here...

edit : that being sex, a relationship based solely on sex isn't good for intimacy either...

But personally if I've dated a guy for a month and he still 'wants to wait' I'll start asking myself some questions...

 

And can you imagine? You wait 6 months and you end up having the.worst.possible.sex.ever.

lol

Maleficent Established Member

Maleficent

Posted
Posted
Lust is not love. There is noway for sure one can know within 2 months if they are a match or not. Honestly if I slept with a woman within a month or two I wouldn't be really interested in taking it further, of course that's just me.

 

Both are caused by chemicals in the brain.

 

That's why so many relationships end after a few months. The hormonal blast has passed and there is nothing else to hold on to.

 

What makes a relationship last is the dedication of both partners to make it work in the long term.

  • Like 1
CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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I will admit to having tried the technique of sex on a first date for a relationship, but it was never a deliberate act; it was one of ignorance and desperation.

 

And it took me many, many years -- and failed relationships -- to learn that it would inevitably backfire.

  • Like 1
therhythm Established Member

therhythm

Posted
Posted
I read from a sexologist/relationship guru that for a man an orgasm and ejaculation can happen independently of each other.

 

So a man can ejaculate but not orgasm. Or ejaculate AND orgasm. But I don't know about a man having an orgasm without ejaculating.

 

So what's the deal on that?

 

Yes that can happen but usually after having orgasm many times you can force yourself to ejaculate without the climax of the orgasm.

 

That was not my point thought, I always orgasm and ejaculate when I have sex but even when I orgasm with some women I can have the feeling that the sex was boring.

For a man (usually) orgasm is not difficult and you can bring yourself to orgasm if you have enough control of your body, it has anyhow nothing to do with a woman making you orgasm (you want it or not) because she means sex ;)

Blue Toast Member

Blue Toast

Posted
Posted

Must be nice. Why is sex like? Coming up on 45 and have no idea.

SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

Posted
Posted

This is such a men are from mars women are from venus thread.

 

Woman: "You have to put out right away becuase so many women do and the guy will leave and find one of them"

 

Men: "Dude you gotta make a move fast or be friend zoned"

  • Like 4
TheGuard13 Established Member

TheGuard13

Posted
Posted
I see what you're saying. Basically, a lot of women who are seeking committed relationships use sex as a tool. Firstly, we live in a society that makes women AND men feel ashamed of their sexual desires. So a lot of people have skewed ideas toward sex, and try to come up with ideas of how things "should be".

 

As adults we should know that sex doesn't always lead to monogamy.

 

A mature man or woman knows that sex is not enough to keep a partner.

 

If a guy dumps a woman after having a sexual relationship with her, to me that does not mean she is "nothing special". She is not special to him, but she can and will be special to someone. Usually what the case is is that a man may see her as nothing special because SHE sees herself as nothing special.

 

A woman using sex to get a man or keep a man does not see the value in herself, therefore it will be difficult for a man to see her value. But a woman who has sex with her man because she enjoys it and it makes her happy is not using sex as a tool, which to me is more genuine. If a woman wants to wait to have sex that is fine too.

 

On another note, some men don't realize how fulfilling and sensual that sex can be for us women. Satisfying sex can be a healing experience. The afterglow of great sex can last days or weeks. Many women are multi-orgasmic. It's best in a love relationship in my opinion but theres lots of scenarios that work for different people. If a woman sees sex as a duty, tool, or chore, she is repressed in some way.

 

This.

 

Oh, so much this.

 

That said, I avoid women who try to get a "committed relationship" before sex like the plague, unless they're willing to let me date around while we're getting to know each other. It's too much "control" of what should be a natural process for my taste.

  • Like 1
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