Do women use sex on the first date to get monogamy?

[jcrew11]

I see a lot of stories about how women are complaining that they are dumped or cheated on by players, and this may be true, and that the women are more emotionally attached or in love than the man is in the relationship.

 

But, especially with the wide selection and options in online dating, I sense that a lot of women, perhaps naively or purposely, will jump into having sex with a guy right away, with the expectations that he will be monogamous, and that by having sex quickly, she can prevent him from leaving her for other women.

 

This prevents the guy from determining if they have good long term compatibility, and he may decide or not be ready to commit to that one particular girl. I think women who want monogamy need to wait to decide if the guy's desires for monogamy and compatibility are the same as hers.

[phineas]

Yes.

I'd say a majority of the women I met off OLD would of slept with me on the first or 2nd date if I agree'd to a relationship.

 

Since i find the whole notion of ludicrous I & don't lie to women just to get sex I told them it wasn't going to work out.

 

Since I don't consider myself all that hot or sexy I can only imagine how many men before me they slept with that soon who did lie to them to get the sex that they now label "players"

 

Keep in mind it isn't the early sex that bother's me, it the expectation of a relationship after early sex that screams issues.

[apple OR orange]

wow, really.... "women offer sex to keep a guy", that has to be fictional????

[RedRobin]

Agree 100%. Too bad the number of men today willing to wait is being reduced more and more each year. Hedonism and instant gratification is the new social style. Many men today will move on if a girl doesnt put out in the first month and will say she is either frigid, sexually incompatible or "not all that into him" Women are damned if they do, damned if they dont. Take a look around this site.

 

Ive always been the type to get a guy to wait. I could write a book about the number of men that got turned off when they previously really liked me or stop seeing me over it. There are too many women out there now willing to sleep with a guy very early on. If he does continue to see you, you can be rest assured he will be screwing other women on the side until you decide you are ready. This is what its like to be a woman.

 

Yea, and even the supposedly relationship oriented guys here say they never had to wait more than 3 dates for sex...

 

...and if they have to wait longer than that, then its not going to happen. Sounds like a cop out to me.

 

... my whole other thread is about NOT being the woman he's screwing though, while he gets to know you. At least you and I have time to figure out what he's really like and move on.

[Star Gazer]

I This prevents the guy from determining if they have good long term compatibility, and he may decide or not be ready to commit to that one particular girl.

 

It prevents the woman from determining good long term compatibility too. Rushing into a serious relationship is bad for both parties.

 

That said, quick exclusivity isn't a bad thing, IMO. It's exclusivity that allows you to really get to know someone and find out if they really are the right fit for you.

Edited May 26, 2013 by Star Gazer

[Els]

Does any woman REALLY think that having sex on the first date will make the guy more likely to commit to them than he would otherwise?

[joystickd]

Agree 100%. Too bad the number of men today willing to wait is being reduced more and more each year. Hedonism and instant gratification is the new social style. Many men today will move on if a girl doesnt put out in the first month and will say she is either frigid, sexually incompatible or "not all that into him" Women are damned if they do, damned if they dont. Take a look around this site.

 

Ive always been the type to get a guy to wait. I could write a book about the number of men that got turned off when they previously really liked me or stop seeing me over it. There are too many women out there now willing to sleep with a guy very early on. If he does continue to see you, you can be rest assured he will be screwing other women on the side until you decide you are ready. This is what its like to be a woman.

 

Its not that men are not willing to wait. The thing is while waiting the interactions usually become like friendships and as a man you wonder if you are being friend zoned. Then usually after a certain period of time if sex hasnt happened it usually means the woman is sleeping with someone else.

 

Men can wait if they know 100% that the woman isnt sleeping with someone

[phineas]

Does any woman REALLY think that having sex on the first date will make the guy more likely to commit to them than he would otherwise?

 

I have no clue but do you really think most men are smart enough to trick a woman at will into sex on the first date while most women are dumb enough to fall for their lies and have sex with them on the first date?

 

Let's be cereal, I am no stud. Yet the majority of women i've met on OLD have told me they want a relationship then suggested they come to my house on the 2nd date.

 

A few had their hands on my inner thigh at the bar & damn near attacked me with their tongue in the parking lot after knowing me for just a few hrs and I have zero doubt that I could of slept with them if I said I wanted to see them again.

 

I turned them down & they got pissed at me.

 

Now, if I met a woman I wanted to see again or she told me no strings attached I would not turn them down because she agreed it was casual.

[phineas]

Its not that men are not willing to wait. The thing is while waiting the interactions usually become like friendships and as a man you wonder if you are being friend zoned. Then usually after a certain period of time if sex hasnt happened it usually means the woman is sleeping with someone else.

 

Men can wait if they know 100% that the woman isnt sleeping with someone

 

Yep.

But the reality is 99% of the time you can ask:

Is she sleeping with me? no? then who is she sleeping with?

There will be a name attached to the answer.

[joystickd]

The women on here are just talking. They meet a man and early on they are attracted enough and he gets to them emotionally the panties will drop.

[ThaWholigan]

Its not that men are not willing to wait. The thing is while waiting the interactions usually become like friendships and as a man you wonder if you are being friend zoned. Then usually after a certain period of time if sex hasnt happened it usually means the woman is sleeping with someone else.

 

Men can wait if they know 100% that the woman isnt sleeping with someone

Demographic and social circles . It's who you know!!

[Ninjainpajamas]

Yes, among other things.

 

Many women have a twisted way of thinking of getting a man to commit or in a relationship, many think they can control the minds of men...engaging in that intimacy or impressing him with "great sex" will turn him into a keeper...after all, many women believe themselves to be "special" or "amazing" or a "catch", therefore why wouldn't many women expect men to stick around with them? why wouldn't they think they were "good enough" to have a relationship with?

 

Many women don't understand or want to face that many men just simply aren't interested in a relationship in the first place....whether they say so or not. And men just simply play aloof or lie about their intentions to wiggle out of any commitment and get that booty, not that women aren't smart enough to see through it, they just go with it anyway to "see where it goes" and play nice and conforming.

 

Many think men are waiting for the "right girl" to come along, when many are just simply looking to get laid.

 

I've heard and seen a lot of the manipulation tactics used by women to instigate a relationship or commitment.....however most fail, but they still insist on repeating the same methods rather than changing their behavior, until one sticks, hoping that somehow they'll press that magic button...which has more to do with the man than it usually did with the woman as she did nothing differently...engaging with the same men...or instead of challenging only a man who is truly interested to stick around...they're far too worried about "losing the guy", and far too insecure...they'd rather take the risk and do everything they can to keep him, rather than just simply let him walk away...especially if they "really like him"...which from an objective point of view, happens more often than is claimed to be....which is once in a great while.

 

I've seen most women say they find it so hard to find a man they are really interested in...regardless of whether they are sleeping with plenty of men on a regular basis, finding plenty of dates to go on, and don't seem to have much of a lull in their dating lives (of course they don't count because they aren't "relationship material")...it only seems to be the minority that will actually wait for a quality guy that's truly interested instead of messing with everything inbetween in the interim.

 

So while many women fail to keep the man...they will either take it personal (when the man was never even truly interested in anything long-term anyway), or think it just wasn't "meant to be"/bad timing, and keep trying anyway using the same methods over and over until they usually just get over the behavior and get pissed off it didn't achieve the desired results, then kick the dating bucket anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months then get back on the horse again.

 

Don't be fooled into thinking that women aren't aware of what they're doing or trying to do...women are there to try and get you into a relationship the vast majority of the time....that's the bottom line. There is a compromise however that many women make between getting what they want down the line and what they need right now.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Its not that men are not willing to wait. The thing is while waiting the interactions usually become like friendships and as a man you wonder if you are being friend zoned. Then usually after a certain period of time if sex hasnt happened it usually means the woman is sleeping with someone else.

 

Men can wait if they know 100% that the woman isnt sleeping with someone

 

The problem is, most men that are willing to wait....tend to be the men to get friendzoned. They are the "nice guys" the guys that play is safe and passive, not taking the initiative or being assertive.

 

Most men in that zone are friendzoned far before they even realize it.

 

If you're being assertive and the woman is interested in you, chances are the woman is going to sleep with you...and soon.

 

It's a whole other thing to be respectful and patient. I hold women who respect themselves and their bodies to a very high regard. Those women don't tend to make excuses or play the victim, and can see through the BS while others remain perplexed in a long gaze.

[Revolver]

Theres alot of women who think they can bang a guy good enough in order to get him to commit, this is how a lot of the FWB setups come in to play. But that almost never works

[FitChick]

Not all women want monogamy just because they have sex right away. Not all women get dumped after having sex on the first date. My friends have been married over twenty years, for example. There are people on this forum who have had sex on the first date and have been either married or together for several years.

 

It depends on how important it is to you and how well you like the other person.

[Revolver]

Its not that men are not willing to wait. The thing is while waiting the interactions usually become like friendships and as a man you wonder if you are being friend zoned. Then usually after a certain period of time if sex hasnt happened it usually means the woman is sleeping with someone else.

 

Men can wait if they know 100% that the woman isnt sleeping with someone

 

This is true and I think one of the reasons many guys are quick to leave if sex doesn't happen after a certain amount of time. It's not so much being all about sex as it is to protect yourself from being played.

 

The reality of the situation is that if your not having sex with a woman after a certain amount of time she's probably sleeping with someone else and no guy wants to be in that position

[sweetheart5381]

The problem is, most men that are willing to wait....tend to be the men to get friendzoned. They are the "nice guys" the guys that play is safe and passive, not taking the initiative or being assertive.

 

Most men in that zone are friendzoned far before they even realize it.

 

If you're being assertive and the woman is interested in you, chances are the woman is going to sleep with you...and soon.

 

It's a whole other thing to be respectful and patient. I hold women who respect themselves and their bodies to a very high regard. Those women don't tend to make excuses or play the victim, and can see through the BS while others remain perplexed in a long gaze.

 

My personal belief is that a man can make it very clear that he is interested without being overt about the sex. A man that can be both patient and virile at the same time is very sexy, imo. These men are clearly very secure with their masculinity and their own self. I appreciate when a man respects me enough to wait, and my appreciation results in greater respect for him as well. This mutual respect is what makes for incredible sex, regardless of how long it takes to get to the bedroom.

 

Insecure women, that always want a man on their arm will do damn near anything to lock a man down including using sex on a first date to try to force a relationship. Unfortunately, these women are the least like to be able to have a healthy relationship because they lack a fundamental respect for themselves.

[phineas]

My personal belief is that a man can make it very clear that he is interested without being overt about the sex. A man that can be both patient and virile at the same time is very sexy, imo. These men are clearly very secure with their masculinity and their own self. I appreciate when a man respects me enough to wait, and my appreciation results in greater respect for him as well. This mutual respect is what makes for incredible sex, regardless of how long it takes to get to the bedroom.

 

Well yes. A man can TELL a woman he is interested. But most men's experience is telling a woman you like her = the woman going *poof* on him.

 

The majority of these men usually have a FWB or can get no strings attached sex from someone else so they don't mind waiting around or they do not make the woman a priority or put a lot of time and energy towards them in between dates. For example not a lot of texting or talking on the phone.

 

Insecure women, that always want a man on their arm will do damn near anything to lock a man down including using sex on a first date to try to force a relationship. Unfortunately, these women are the least like to be able to have a healthy relationship because they lack a fundamental respect for themselves.

 

This i'll agree with & I think lack of respect for themselves is what I've been sensing off them & it's why I'm turned off.

[Ninjainpajamas]

My personal belief is that a man can make it very clear that he is interested without being overt about the sex. A man that can be both patient and virile at the same time is very sexy, imo. These men are clearly very secure with their masculinity and their own self. I appreciate when a man respects me enough to wait, and my appreciation results in greater respect for him as well. This mutual respect is what makes for incredible sex, regardless of how long it takes to get to the bedroom.

 

Insecure women, that always want a man on their arm will do damn near anything to lock a man down including using sex on a first date to try to force a relationship. Unfortunately, these women are the least like to be able to have a healthy relationship because they lack a fundamental respect for themselves.

 

A good post I agree with mostly, however be aware that a satisfied man does not act like a starving one.

 

Women like to believe that there are just some men that have a higher morality and capable of being more "respectful" that the men in their lives or whom they are interacting with are simply cut from a better cloth. But think about it for a minute, do you really think that human nature somewhere along the line just decided to "change", to separate the "good" men from the "bad"? that some men are just merely coincidentally and quite conveniently of better "quality"?

 

Human nature and instinct is the same for all men, we want/desire/need sex (and you're not even considering sex drive, which can change the nature/attitude of a man)...there's no way around it. So if a man is getting sex somewhere else is he likely to aggressively pursue sex with someone else, strongly? and does a man with options act the same as a man who does not or is constantly friendzoned? a man who eats steak does not jump at a chance to take a bite from cheeseburger...often the men that are ever so "patient" and "sexy" aren't necessarily because they are of this perfect little dynamic of better quality men here, more often than not it's simply that they are not starving and they may know EXACTLY what they are doing...and they've already eaten on the way over. Not to mention they just know the game, that sex can be incredible because he had to play his cards right and withhold his actions that he wanted to act upon, he knew how to build your trust first...you have to remember as well, men appreciate a challenge.

 

So as a man I will have to disagree that the man is simply patient because he is respectful, rather than being satisfied and familiar/good with women. The guys who are truly respectful, are more often than not simply the men who you friendzoned or found no spark with, plus for men, you don't get really good in bed/intimacy without any practice.

 

Unfortunately you have to recognize the wolf in sheep's clothing, which more often than not that's exactly what it is.

[sweetheart5381]

Well yes. A man can TELL a woman he is interested. But most men's experience is telling a woman you like her = the woman going *poof* on him.

 

The majority of these men usually have a FWB or can get no strings attached sex from someone else so they don't mind waiting around or they do not make the woman a priority or put a lot of time and energy towards them in between dates. For example not a lot of texting or talking on the phone.

 

 

 

This i'll agree with & I think lack of respect for themselves is what I've been sensing off them & it's why I'm turned off.

 

Well, in my experience a man can let a woman know he is interested by occasionally texting just to say hi/good morning/how's your day, small gestures, showing her that he wants to spend time with her, listening to her and trying to understand her. When together it's nice when he whistles under his breath when I walk away, brushes his hand across my hand or knee but never pushes for more. It's all about being subtle, subtlety builds desire. If a man spends this sort of energy to woo me, then he deserves a chance

 

He doesn't have to say he likes me, he will show me with his actions.

[Adele0908]

I see a lot of stories about how women are complaining that they are dumped or cheated on by players, and this may be true, and that the women are more emotionally attached or in love than the man is in the relationship.

 

But, especially with the wide selection and options in online dating, I sense that a lot of women, perhaps naively or purposely, will jump into having sex with a guy right away, with the expectations that he will be monogamous, and that by having sex quickly, she can prevent him from leaving her for other women.

 

This prevents the guy from determining if they have good long term compatibility, and he may decide or not be ready to commit to that one particular girl. I think women who want monogamy need to wait to decide if the guy's desires for monogamy and compatibility are the same as hers.

 

Not all women. Some women have sex on the first date just for fun. Women enjoy sex too. How would you sense that women use sex on the first date to keep a man?

 

I beg to differ. Among my friends, most of them use the *absence* of sex to keep the men that they date interested, and to get relationships.

[sweetheart5381]

A good post I agree with mostly, however be aware that a satisfied man does not act like a starving one.

 

Women like to believe that there are just some men that have a higher morality and capable of being more "respectful" that the men in their lives or whom they are interacting with are simply cut from a better cloth. But think about it for a minute, do you really think that human nature somewhere along the line just decided to "change", to separate the "good" men from the "bad"? that some men are just merely coincidentally and quite conveniently of better "quality"?

 

Human nature and instinct is the same for all men, we want/desire/need sex (and you're not even considering sex drive, which can change the nature/attitude of a man)...there's no way around it. So if a man is getting sex somewhere else is he likely to aggressively pursue sex with someone else, strongly? and does a man with options act the same as a man who does not or is constantly friendzoned? a man who eats steak does not jump at a chance to take a bite from cheeseburger...often the men that are ever so "patient" and "sexy" aren't necessarily because they are of this perfect little dynamic of better quality men here, more often than not it's simply that they are not starving and they may know EXACTLY what they are doing...and they've already eaten on the way over. Not to mention they just know the game, that sex can be incredible because he had to play his cards right and withhold his actions that he wanted to act upon, he knew how to build your trust first...you have to remember as well, men appreciate a challenge.

 

So as a man I will have to disagree that the man is simply patient because he is respectful, rather than being satisfied and familiar/good with women. The guys who are truly respectful, are more often than not simply the men who you friendzoned or found no spark with, plus for men, you don't get really good in bed/intimacy without any practice.

 

Unfortunately you have to recognize the wolf in sheep's clothing, which more often than not that's exactly what it is.

 

I agree and I have known such men. I learned the game painfully. We only have to learn some lessons once.

 

Coincidentally, I can tell you that my man is not really experienced in the bedroom - I find it endearing in a way. He is younger and can be taught anything that he really needs to know

[joystickd]

Demographic and social circles . It's who you know!!

 

Not really. If it aint you then she is getting it some where

[ThaWholigan]

Not really. If it aint you then she is getting it some where

Like I said - it's the kind of girls you know. Trust me, I've seen worse than what you're describing happen way more than one occasion - but I've been in different social circles where people move very differently. So it's not a universal thing.

[starla33]

Agree 100%. Too bad the number of men today willing to wait is being reduced more and more each year. Hedonism and instant gratification is the new social style. Many men today will move on if a girl doesnt put out in the first month and will say she is either frigid, sexually incompatible or "not all that into him" Women are damned if they do, damned if they dont. Take a look around this site.

 

Ive always been the type to get a guy to wait. I could write a book about the number of men that got turned off when they previously really liked me or stop seeing me over it. There are too many women out there now willing to sleep with a guy very early on. If he does continue to see you, you can be rest assured he will be screwing other women on the side until you decide you are ready. This is what its like to be a woman.

 

SO agree with this 100%. I live in a big city and oh my goodness girls here are SO slutty I just can't believe it. So men here expect you to put out right away