I broke NC grrrrr I can see myself learning from this mistake!

[Leigh 87]

Guys here is what I have done.

 

I have blocked Andrew and all his friends and family on FB.

 

No one has my contact number that he knows.

 

I am about to block Andrews number from both my house phone and mobile.

 

He will have absolutely no way of contacting me. He does not remember phone numbers by heart.

 

...............................

 

I just unblocked his best friend to give him my number; I asked him to please contact me if anything happens to Andrew.

 

.................................

 

His friend said " no worried Leigh, I will be sure to let you know"

 

I then blocked and deleted this friend on facebook again.

 

.................................

 

I will block Andrews number tomorrow from my mobile and house phone.

[TaraMaiden]

Good.

Now, quit even talking about him.

 

Do not let him live, rent-free, in your head.

 

If he is a constant ingredient in your thoughts, he needs to deserve to be there.

The reason you broke up and you're NC is precisely because he doesn't deserve it.

[Leigh 87]

I feel more comfortable knowing that, while Andrew cannot contact me anymore, at least his best friend has my number so that he can at least inform me of Andrew dies or his father dies.

 

I am not like you, Tara Maiden.

 

If his father died yes I would want to support him.

 

I was. BY FAR. The closest person to him.

 

But look here - I HAVE blocked every mode of contact.

 

Only his ONE friend has my contact details now.

 

I will BLOCK Andrews' number from my phone.

 

I will also stop talking about him in other threads. I only did it to relate to other people .

 

I guess I can just tell other posters that " I have lost love before" without elaborating more.

 

I know that if Andrew KNOWS WHERE I LIVE if he needs to talk to me desperately.

 

That - or his best mate will let me know if Andrew is dead or etc...

[Leigh 87]

Good.

Now, quit even talking about him.

 

Do not let him live, rent-free, in your head.

 

If he is a constant ingredient in your thoughts, he needs to deserve to be there.

The reason you broke up and you're NC is precisely because he doesn't deserve it.

 

 

 

 

Well, I am excited about other guys.

 

I think about my future with other men more than I do with Andrew.

 

Sorry but you don't know what I am thinking. Yes I freaked out earlier today, but I DO think about my future with other men more than I do about my past with him.

 

Read that? Other guys and my future occupy my mind more than re living things with him.

 

I actually think I can get better than what he offered me.

 

I have made it so that only one person who knows Andrew can contact me.

 

When I am around friends I no longer talk about him.

 

I guess I re lived Andrew in threads, but it was honestly because I wanted others to know how in love I was, and yet even I am looking forward to my future.

 

As you said though, yes, I realise I need to stop mentioning him in any other threads.

[Leigh 87]

How come I get called emotionally deficient when TaraMaiden said the exact same thing I did and got a "like"?

 

*hmph*

 

 

 

LOL.

 

You cared for the dude when he was sick. I mean. You sort of sound like you have a heart?

 

I am a major softy. I care too much about people. And do not often get as much back in return.

 

That is why I took _____'s cr@p. Most women would have left.

 

I get that being super harsh is the only way you moved on. I get that you HAVE loved the way I did!

 

You have now moved on, where as I still freaked out about him moving on right away.

 

Obviously I need to do what your doing if I am to have the best chance of moving on.

 

............

 

The only difference with us is: I will comfort Andrew if his dad dies, and he gets my number of his best friend, and contacts me because he is sseriously fcked up over his fathers death.

 

I still am going to block his number tomorrow; as I have blocked him and every one who knows him on facebook already.

 

Andrew would have to literally drive by my HOUSE or ask his FRIEND for my number, if he is to ever contact me again.

 

He is way too lazy to bother LOL -trust me.

 

I know he won't bother to contact me unless his dad dies or his best friend dies or something that he needs my support for.

[TaraMaiden]

How come I get called emotionally deficient when TaraMaiden said the exact same thing I did and got a "like"?

 

*hmph*

 

Because I'm an old woman and she has to respect me.

 

[Leigh 87]

I really want to meet a guy with light hair and blue eyes who is larger than I am so he makes me feel small.

 

I hope he has a German or Scandinavian accent; they turn me on the most.

 

Or Irish, actually.

 

Yet not English.

 

I hate dudes with American accents.

 

I LOVE Aussie accents on men. Probably a plus since I am Australian myself with a heavy sounding Aussie accent.

 

I was thinking about me and the future guy and how sexy he will be LOL.

 

I will never jump from relationship to relationship, however; it would make me feel worse than I do now.

 

I am talking months down the track while I have been in regular therapy.

 

I see my therapist next week and get to see her every week from then on.

[TaraMaiden]

Sorry but you don't know what I am thinking.

 

You make it perfectly evident what you're thinking.

Every answer you give to others contains long passages about the relationship you and Andrew had and the feelings and sentiments associated with it.

 

I'm telling you you need to get him OUT of your thoughts and quit constantly referring to him.

 

Right now, everything is so fresh and painful, you naturally latch onto it.

 

You have to train your mind to drop him from the forefront.

He needs to be an extra, not the main protagonist.

[Leigh 87]

I am also thin now yet with huge curves, and I have long blond hair that I recently had done SUPER BLONDE.

 

I am about to change my profile pic.

 

It turns out, although I am not every mans cup of tea: a LOT of men like women who have very blonde hair, light blue eyes, and are also thin and curvy.

 

I am getting towards 120 lbs atm. I have not even tried. I Just don't eat when I'm not hungry. And I exercise a little most days.

 

120 lbs looks very thin on my curvy 5 ' 5 figure.

 

I threw my scale away though, as I never want to weigh myself again, since I once had an eating disorder.

 

.....................

 

I am seriously excited about how, when I am not looking; the right guy will come along.

 

A few hook ups and flings in the meanwhile would be fun. With guys that are really hot.

[CelticGibson]

This is an unhealthy obsession you have. Can you not see what the ladies are telling you? You have made steps to cut him off from contacting you and you should be supported for that BUT you are using these boards to keep talking about him. It's like the boards are enabling you to keep thinking of him and you find comfort in it. Do you understand? This is dangerous because you are living a memory, as if you are still in a relationship with him, because you cannot have the reality and this can cause you to stay stuck in a loop and keeps you from progressing.

 

Moving on is an action not a statement to be trotted out hoping that one day it just suddenly happens to you. You actually have to make steps to move on Leigh...

[Leigh 87]

Just because I am a straight shooter, does not mean I don't have a heart. I am tough and I have strength. I've had to.

 

You'll learn as you get older and have more life experiences, that there is more than one way to care about a person.

 

 

Of course.

 

I guess I thought you meant that I should not care AT ALL about him.

 

By cutting all contact and taking the step of BLOCKING his number so he has NO WAY to contact me except to drive by my flat or asking his best friend for my number, will enable me to care for him in a "different way"

 

I will care for him in a "way that is not present"

 

As in I will have to capacity to care for him, but will act like he is dead in the moment. Dead to me.

 

I get it.

 

Acting like he is dead does not mean I do not care if he dies.

[Leigh 87]

You make it perfectly evident what you're thinking.

Every answer you give to others contains long passages about the relationship you and Andrew had and the feelings and sentiments associated with it.

 

I'm telling you you need to get him OUT of your thoughts and quit constantly referring to him.

 

Right now, everything is so fresh and painful, you naturally latch onto it.

 

You have to train your mind to drop him from the forefront.

He needs to be an extra, not the main protagonist.

 

 

 

100% honest: I think about the future hot guys more than I do him.

 

I still love my ex but I am taking what you have said into consideration.

 

I am implementing your advice.

 

It took me a while to go NC and I broke it. So now after discussing it with you and Metal Chick and the other poster, I have decided to take it a step further and actually BLOCK his number.

 

I am actually going to go ahead with blocking his number - I am not saying it for no reason.

 

And lastly yes I will stop mentioning him in threads.

[aisuru]

Goodness!! Can't say I'm surprised.

 

I don't think you'll ever stop talking about Andrew or have true NC until he has a new girlfriend. Boy will you be in a world of hurt when that happens since you've done nothing to even advance in healing from the breakup.

 

I'm not so sure you'll find your self worth or self respect anytime soon either. It's a sad thing to watch quite honestly.

[Leigh 87]

LOL guys - your forgetting that I was 100% loyal to a man for YEARS.

 

Um.. I have a high sex drive. I AM actually happy about being free to have fun with hot guys.

 

I am giving it time though. My overseas trip will be over two months since the break up.

 

I have a long history with casual sex. I shut off my emotions very easily.

 

Although I prefer the one fck buddy for months, rather than jumping into bed with several men.

 

I do not fall for men easily. My ___ was my first man in my adult life.

 

And I will know what I am ready to have sex again, albeit casually.

 

I think the 2 months post break up should be enough for me to go overseas with my huge tour group and have fun with another guy.

 

By then it would have been over a month of NC and over 2 months since I was last intimate with my ex.

[Leigh 87]

Goodness!! Can't say I'm surprised.

 

I don't think you'll ever stop talking about Andrew or have true NC until he has a new girlfriend. Boy will you be in a world of hurt when that happens since you've done nothing to even advance in healing from the breakup.

 

I'm not so sure you'll find your self worth or self respect anytime soon either. It's a sad thing to watch quite honestly.

 

Stop telling me what I think please.

 

I know how I feel and you do not.

 

I have self worth and self respect - I love who I am and I have plenty going for me thank you.

 

Having no self worth or self respect means this:

 

- not liking who you are as a person or your core personality ( I like who I am, and just want to be the best version of ME. I love my actual personality and way I interact with everyone around me)

 

- it means you will let guys who do not care about you in the slightest use you

 

- it means your the type of women who gets into a relationship with a man who shows NO evidence that he loves or adores you (I would never do that)

 

- it means you do not like the way you look ( I love the way I look and attract a lot of men, even though I accept that I am not every ones preference)

 

- it means you do not have a future mapped out or any goals or ambition ( I know what I want and I am driven to achieve it)

 

.................................

 

 

Look mate. I like who I am. I happen to be in love with a man who does not feel the same way, since he left; that does not mean I hate myself.

[aisuru]

There are lots of little things you can do to supplement the NC journey. For example, I spotted a sale on bed linen today and bought a new set. Whilst the stuff that xMM and I did on the old set was EXTREMELY fun, I thought something new for a while would be good thing. Something just for me.

 

Little things like that, they do wonders for the psyche.

 

Ha! I bought new sheets too!!

[Leigh 87]

Goodness!! Can't say I'm surprised.

 

I don't think you'll ever stop talking about Andrew or have true NC until he has a new girlfriend. Boy will you be in a world of hurt when that happens since you've done nothing to even advance in healing from the breakup.

 

I'm not so sure you'll find your self worth or self respect anytime soon either. It's a sad thing to watch quite honestly.

 

You have a serious problem.

 

You think that cos I love some guy who does not want to be with me, that I must hate myself and not love my life in general?

 

You have made the same mistakes I have.

 

I have done everything possible to advance my heeling: I work out, I have lost weight, I eat better, I take better care of myself, I know I will find love again and have options with men and I am not likely to have to settle for men that I am not into, I know what career I want and I am studying towards it, I am also moving towns to start a new life for myself in a dream job (nanny and bar work, my favourite) while I finish college.

 

I would say that getting active, health, working towards my degree and, uh, MOVING are steps towards feeling better.

 

I feel better for having done THOSE things so far.

 

All that is left to do is actually BLOCK his number from my mobile and house phone so he has absolutely no way of contacting me.

 

....................................

 

I even think about sex with other men more than I think of him. What else is there to do?

 

LOL

 

.....................................

 

I have a far better chance of healing than many other people because I do love my life in general and I am a positive women.

 

At least I have good friends, family, and a good life to fall back on.

 

....................................

 

Look, there are people in way worse positions I am in okay?

 

There are people that are not the least desirable to the opposite sex, that will find it very hard to even find someone that is attracted to them.

 

There are people who are boring and do not really attract anyone to them that finds them special.

 

There are people that settle for relationships because they want a family and to be married.

 

There are people who DO hate who they are and hate their lives.

 

There are people with no family or friends.

 

...........................................

 

Being in love with a man who will never love me or get back with me is really not that big of a deal.

 

Breaking NC like YOU have done many times yourself, does not mean I like myself any less than you value yourself.

[Leigh 87]

There are lots of little things you can do to supplement the NC journey. For example, I spotted a sale on bed linen today and bought a new set. Whilst the stuff that xMM and I did on the old set was EXTREMELY fun, I thought something new for a while would be good thing. Something just for me.

 

Little things like that, they do wonders for the psyche.

 

 

Well with all due respect, I do not appreciate that poster who assumes that I hate myself and do not love my own life, and that I must think I am worth nothing. It is actually quiet a disturbing thing to say, from her.

 

I do things to help every day.

 

Yes I Plan to buy new bed linen when I get money.

 

I am more passionate about overseas travel than anything else though.

 

I live in a very nice flat with nice things anyway so I think I will save for travel, and clothes.

 

Clothes and shoes and expressing myself with new things on my body, is what gets me.

 

I want to buy new shows that are super bright, and double as hard core walking shoes.

 

There are these shows that are good for walking yet are light and not chunky, and are really bright with my favourite colours.

 

I love the idea of those shoes as I can wear them with jeans or my sports pants.

[Leigh 87]

There are lots of little things you can do to supplement the NC journey. For example, I spotted a sale on bed linen today and bought a new set. Whilst the stuff that xMM and I did on the old set was EXTREMELY fun, I thought something new for a while would be good thing. Something just for me.

 

Little things like that, they do wonders for the psyche.

 

 

 

Yeah I am also going to move my bed to a different position.

 

For some reason it would help a lot? I guess a different setting helps.

That is also why I am moving hours away from here - a change is something I would really welcome right now.

 

I get really happy through buying new shoes and clothes and also getting my hair done.

I got my hair done SUPER light blonde the other day and I am going to get a fringe soon too (bangs as you Americans call them)

 

I mean, having that job while I study will be ideal as I can save for overseas travel and still buy new fashion, which really cheers me up.

I am one of those girls that can shop for 8 hours straight. I love wearing clothes.

[aisuru]

You have a serious problem.

 

You think that cos I love some guy who does not want to be with me, that I must hate myself and not love my life in general?

 

You have made the same mistakes I have.

 

I have done everything possible to advance my heeling: I work out, I have lost weight, I eat better, I take better care of myself, I know I will find love again and have options with men and I am not likely to have to settle for men that I am not into, I know what career I want and I am studying towards it, I am also moving towns to start a new life for myself in a dream job (nanny and bar work, my favourite) while I finish college.

 

I would say that getting active, health, working towards my degree and, uh, MOVING are steps towards feeling better.

 

I feel better for having done THOSE things so far.

 

All that is left to do is actually BLOCK his number from my mobile and house phone so he has absolutely no way of contacting me.

 

....................................

 

I even think about sex with other men more than I think of him. What else is there to do?

 

LOL

 

.....................................

 

I have a far better chance of healing than many other people because I do love my life in general and I am a positive women.

 

At least I have good friends, family, and a good life to fall back on.

 

....................................

 

Look, there are people in way worse positions I am in okay?

 

There are people that are not the least desirable to the opposite sex, that will find it very hard to even find someone that is attracted to them.

 

There are people who are boring and do not really attract anyone to them that finds them special.

 

There are people that settle for relationships because they want a family and to be married.

 

There are people who DO hate who they are and hate their lives.

 

There are people with no family or friends.

 

...........................................

 

Being in love with a man who will never love me or get back with me is really not that big of a deal.

 

Breaking NC like YOU have done many times yourself, does not mean I like myself any less than you value yourself.

 

I never said you hate yourself. I do think you place a lot of your value in whether a man is in your life, right now it's Andrew. Next year it will be somebody else.

 

I most certainly have not made the same mistakes with my ex that you are making with yours. Please show me where I have broken contact many times? I texted him once, a very simple text. End of story. I've deleted all methods of contacting him. I don't cyber stalk him. I actually take a long route home from work so I no longer have to pass his home. I'm moving on.

[Leigh 87]

I came here for support - I wanted people to tell me to be stronger and go further by actually blocking his number.

 

I did not come here to here anyone tell me that I am miserable, that I hate myself, and that I have so little prospects that I will pine away for a guy who does not care about me.

 

I find it disgusting that people would accuse me of feeling all those things when I am such a positive person.

 

I am the type of person who wakes up and feels happy to be alive. I love life, and I find it INCREDIBLY INSULTING when people act like I am hopeless.

 

In fact, HOW DARE YOU act like I really have nothing going for me!

 

It is incredibly rude of you to ASSUME that I really have nothing to be happy about in life, so as to need to depend my hopes on a man who does not love me enough.

[Leigh 87]

I never said you hate yourself. I do think you place a lot of your value in whether a man is in your life, right now it's Andrew. Next year it will be somebody else.

 

I most certainly have not made the same mistakes with my ex that you are making with yours. Please show me where I have broken contact many times? I texted him once, a very simple text. End of story. I've deleted all methods of contacting him. I don't cyber stalk him. I actually take a long route home from work so I no longer have to pass his home. I'm moving on.

 

 

 

Good for you.

 

I meant in your past, not with your recent one. You sound as though you have made enough mistakes to know how to go NC this time.

 

Well I am MOVING hours away. In addition to self care/working out/ looking after myself.

In addition to hanging out with friends almost every day.

In addition to finding the ideal career for me after trying other degrees I did not feel 100% sure of. A degree which I am completing as we speak.

IN ADDITION TO BOOKING ON GOING THERAPY.

 

I do not cyber stalk my ex. He is blocked on social media. As are the 40 friends he had that I also blocked/deleted from being able To contact me even if they wanted to.

 

Yes I made a mistake.

 

I feel happy 90% of the time, and only really miss him a small fraction of the time.

 

I have a lot inside me to move on from which will take time.

I can see that time and no contact are my best friend right now.

I have done more for myself than a lot of others do.

 

Lastly - I do not need a man to define my worth, I did not do this before HIM, and I have learnt that I let my life go while I was with _____ and therefore, I need to be 100% happy on my own.

 

I was the last women to depend my worth on a guy. I stayed out of relationships. I did not need one.

 

I admit I lost track of my own goals and self care while in my last relationship though, and I already feel better from having done as simple things as maintain my health and connect with friends more.

 

I will be talking to my therapist about how I can build myself up without the need of intimacy with a man.

 

I love sex and I did enjoy a loving relationship, but I am not in any hurry to need a man again.

[omit]

Its not easy I know were your coming from on the thoughts of him being with some one else. Sounds like he has defiantly moved on, the bit about the dogs is a tricky one. Is telling him that its no contact unless there is a serious reason i.e something about dogs an option?

 

Leigh you are doing well and have been this far you seem to have a good grasp of what you want and were your at. I find NC is a cliché but defiantly helps.

 

You have to just start from scratch keep staying positive and waving to the guys in the park and things will be ok.

 

I broke NC it never feels good, I got told that it was too late. I had attempted to try and arrange a chat because I wanted her back. I think there comes a point when there is nothing more to loose.

[Leigh 87]

Its not easy I know were your coming from on the thoughts of him being with some one else. Sounds like he has defiantly moved on, the bit about the dogs is a tricky one. Is telling him that its no contact unless there is a serious reason i.e something about dogs an option?

 

Leigh you are doing well and have been this far you seem to have a good grasp of what you want and were your at. I find NC is a cliché but defiantly helps.

 

You have to just start from scratch keep staying positive and waving to the guys in the park and things will be ok.

 

I broke NC it never feels good, I got told that it was too late. I had attempted to try and arrange a chat because I wanted her back. I think there comes a point when there is nothing more to loose.

 

 

 

 

Actually, we are in the same phase: neither parties are OKAY with the other hooking up. He is not okay with me doing it either.

It is one of those things where you both have to let go of EVERYTHING you felt. Otherwise, you will make their actions of your concern.

It has hit me that you truly need to act like their dead, and act like what they are doing is OF NO CONCERN to you.

 

This is hard when you were everything to each other at one stage; to let go of such strong feelings is hard, even though we know that we cannot be together.

With NC we will both move on much faster. As it stands, it is still too close to our past for either of us handle the other person with a new person.

NC to me, means acting like they are more or less DEAD. As Metal Chick and Tara Maiden have pointed out.

 

It is one of those tricky situations that I was in today, and when I remained in CONTACT:

- we could not be together, yet we still cared too much if the other person hooked up with a new person

- since we have sex drives (especially me!) it is inevitable we will hook up in the near future

- therefore CONTACT is toxic, as neither of us can handle it; he has made is clear he cannot handle me with new people, just as I freaked out today and showed him that I am NOT READY FOR CONTACT.

 

The no contact guide says that, the only instance when you should EVER accept contact from an ex is:

 

- if you have acted like they are dead and maintained NC for a time, and they come back (this only works if you have mourned them, it does not work if your sitting around waiting, cos if you waiting around pining for them you will not be in a healthy place to be in a new relationship with them)

- if your both happily married and are not upset with the idea of seeing each other with the new partners!

 

....................

 

I have good faith that he will respect my wishes to not contact me unless he has something big to say.

Edited May 26, 2013 by Leigh 87

[Leigh 87]

It seems crazy how a guy can leave a girl, yet still feel very strongly against her being intimate with new people.

 

It pays to know that: just because they still care, it does not mean that want to EVER be with you.

 

I think it is natural for people who adored and loved one another to not feel natural or at ease with a person who was once THEIRS, being someone else's in an intimate sense.

 

It is one of the many reasons why I look at NC as a saviour and only pathway to happiness. I have a lot of dignity to lose and pain at stake IF I remain in contact with an ex. He will move on, he will hook up, and I will only stop caring if I stick to NC.