I broke NC grrrrr I can see myself learning from this mistake!

[Leigh 87]

* bangs head against wall*

 

I have been a very bad Leigh 87.

 

I was going really well with NC. I accept I will never be with my ex again.

 

I have lost A LOT of weight, I worked this morning in a job I really enjoy with a lovely family, and then I went for a long walk in the sun.

Super hot guys were waving at me and I felt good to be a thin blonde chick with style again; I feel far better than the comfort eating, lazy women who lacked ambition when I was with my ex.

I day dreamed about the hot guy I will enjoy myself with in the future.

I was happy, and without contact; I AM moving on.

 

......................................................

 

Then I broke NC :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

 

He had been fighting against NC, until the last time we saw each other, he finally clicked that it IS the best thing for us to move on.

When he did not answer me, I freaked out thinking that he had already gone out and partied this weekend and had at least hooked up.

 

I was convinced that he had found a new girl already.

All of a sudden, I felt that the whole time together was a lie; he must never have loved me the way he said he did, since he had obviously been able to just replace me so soon.

I BLEW UP HIS PHONE.

By the time he got around to answering, I had sent hundreds of texts " you lied" " you never cared about me" etc

 

...................................................

 

He rang to see if I was okay. He said he had ignored me because he respected the fact I needed to go NC.

I was just honest with him and apologised for acting like an idiot.

I said that I was doing fine, until I thought that he had found a new girl already.

I said I was sick at he thought of him already hooking up.

I thought I must have meant nothing to him.

I could not believe how close I felt to him and how real it felt, when he was already out banging other chicks.

 

......................................................

 

He said he understands why I would lose it, and that no he had not even gone out yet or hooked up.

He said he hoped I hadn't either.

He affirmed that what we had was very real and he will not just be able to find the love of his life right away.

 

.........................................................

 

He wants to check up on me tomorrow.

He said he will respect NC again, but he wants to ring one last time tomorrow, to check up on me and say goodbye again.

He had poor reception, hence why he did not want to make the final goodbye call then

 

...............................................................

 

You were all right, NC IS such a wonderful thing. Out of sight out of mind. As SOON as I texted him and he ignored me, I was convinced of the worst; that he had moved on ALREADY with another girl he was banging.

I honestly believe he will do NC again after he rings.

He just cares about me and legitimately wants to ensure I am okay and over the freak out.

 

.................................................................

 

Honesty:

 

- I want to move forward with no hope of getting back together

 

- I have let go of hope

 

- I know there is someone who will love me more than he did

 

- I freaked out at the thought of a guy I was SO close to for years, being intimate so soon; I honestly have no hope for us though, but yes it is still a new thing thinking of him with other people early on.

 

- I CAN see myself healing with no contact. I can.

 

.......................................................................

 

PLEASE GO EASY ON ME....................................

 

I am only really interested in hearing your horror stories of breaking NC, to reiterate the fact that going NC will enable me to move on without any knowledge of what my ex is doing; without any desire to have him back.

I know it was obvious that I would snap, you all knew it; I loved this guy like crazy after all.

I REALLY believe I will stick to NC again, as I WAS feeling much better ever since I let go of the notion of being together again.

 

I honestly, from the bottom of my heart, have NO hope of getting back together with him. That is NOT why I broke NC.

[Giha]

Don't trust yourself with his number\email etc...

One of the first things I did after going NC was getting rid of all communication ways I could think of. That means phone number, email, skype, other IM softwares...everything I could use to contact her when having a breakdown - I go rid of. I literally have no way to contact her unless I go out of my way and look for her number in the yellow pages or online.

 

It has been really helpful. I suggest you try that.

 

And if he calls, block his number.

[Leigh 87]

I have blocked him and all his friends off facebook.

 

I have two dogs that I am never going to see again because they have to live with him (I live in dog free flat)

 

I am willing to never see or talk to him again.

 

I will consider blocking his number.

 

I do not feel urges to text him again, as I know we are over forever.

 

............................

 

I do not see a reason to BLOCK his number, unless I break no contact AGAIN and AGAIN: then I would see that blocking him was the ONLY way to cut contact.

I honestly do not think he will contact me again in the next year or so, because we are over and he KNOWS to not contact me unless he still has feelings for me that he wants to explore.

I have faith in him; that he WILL respect NC.

And yes I WILL actually block his number if he contacts me with breadcrumbs.

If he even breaks NC just once with " I am thinking of you" or " I miss you" I WILL block his number.

 

...................................

 

I am praying that he will be mature enough to refrain from ever contacting me again unless he seriously wants another chance with me, in which case I may very well be over him.

[Leigh 87]

His dad has skin cancer and I have my two dogs there, so I think I have a right to know if anything terrible happens.

 

I have blocked all his family and mates on facebook, and his father and sister/her partner do not have my number.

 

I think it is heartless when people tell me that I should not even find out if he dies, my dogs dies, or his father dies.

 

Utterly heartless. I lived and breathed Andrew for the past almost 3 years.

 

I believe I will be able to maintain NC and move on forever without having to block his number, and therefore the ONLY way I will EVER know if my two adorable dogs die suddenly.

[Giha]

You say that and yet the moment you thought about him banging another girl you flipped and "blew up his phone" with texts.

 

My point is - if you lose his number and every other way to make contact you just won't be able to do that again.

 

You don't need to block him right now. Only if he does not respect your need for NC. But get rid of ways to make contact.

[Leigh 87]

Drama, drama, drama...

 

 

 

I do not want drama. Honestly.

 

I want to cut contact again and not cave in a break NC.

 

And I am only human for freaking out over a guy I was attached to for years, already replacing me.

[Leigh 87]

You say that and yet the moment you thought about him banging another girl you flipped and "blew up his phone" with texts.

 

My point is - if you lose his number and every other way to make contact you just won't be able to do that again.

 

You don't need to block him right now. Only if he does not respect your need for NC. But get rid of ways to make contact.

 

I suppose I can block his number on my mobile, but make sure he has my HOUSE number in case either of my dogs die, he is injured, or his father passes away.

 

I carry my smart phone every where with me, therefore if I block contact, I cannot get breadcrumbs if he is checking up on me (yet obviously not interested in a relationship)

[Leigh 87]

So people know: I am not into drama, and it is only being madly in love with a guy that leaves me, that elicits this type of response.

 

I did not snap for the joy of causing drama.

 

I am a women who never gossips, never says a mean word about people; if I have nothing nice to say I NEVER say it. Ever.

 

In the work place and study arena - I DO NOT cause drama. Ever.

 

I am not a person who likes conflict or causing negative situations.

 

I broke NC purely because I freaked out over a man that was practically joined to me for almost 3 years, being intimate so soon with another women.

 

It was not cos I WANTED to cause drama or any negative emotions from him in response.

 

Trust me - I am an EXTREMELY positive women in my every day life.

 

It is normal to freak out like this.

[Leigh 87]

I won't answer his call.

 

I am very busy - getting a Russian visa ( having trouble with it and I have very limited time to get it before my trip!), finishing my last HUGE assignment for Uni/college, and I honestly do not have time to go into the store to block his number. I also have to finish cleaning my room from the move back to my flat.

 

If I have time I will ring up my phone service and figure out how to block his number.

 

I WANT TO KNOW if my dogs die! I WANT to know if his father passes from the cancer!

 

I guess I should just forget about that too.

 

A bit heartless and a little much to let go of but okay if you insist. I guess your the one who has moved on.

 

Really though? I have to block him on my HOME PHONE AND MOBILE, so I have NO WAY OF KNOWING IF HE DIES?

 

I think that is very inhuman to not even leave yourself open to being contacted if a man you loved dearly passes away.

 

His family and friends are all blocked and deleted!

 

HOW WILL I BE NOTIFIED if anything terrible happens?

[Leigh 87]

If he banged a chick 5 minutes, 5 months or 5 years after breaking up with you, why should it matter?

 

If you'd abandoned all hope and wanted to move on, you wouldn't care.

 

Drama. Drama. Drama!

 

 

 

Here is how my mind works:

 

- when he is out of sight he is truly out of mind. I did not find myself caring.

 

- as soon as I break NC I freak out and feel that I DO care again.

[Giha]

Just start by getting rid of every way for you to initiate contact. Can you do that?

 

You keep saying you are moving on but you insist on staying right where you are...

[Leigh 87]

I REALLY do NOT entertain the idea of being his friend.

 

Sorry, but please don't tell me what I think.

 

I really do not want to be his friend - I want MORE than friends or NOTHING at all.

 

With time and blocking his number, hopefully I will stop even being open to reconciliation even if he came back begging.

 

This is how NC works in my mind:

 

- you should get to the stage where you would NOT take them back if they came back begging. That is the point of NC

 

I think I view NC in the right way.

 

I also think I am doing better than other women around me in life who mercilessly contact their exes daily, only for their exes to not give a crapp.

 

At least my ex gives a crap (FACT he does okay)

 

And at least I truly do not want to be around him.

................

 

Take me for my word: I do not want to talk or be around him.

 

I truly did just freak out at he notion of a familiar guy to me being with a NEW girl.

 

I think what I felt is natural and does not mean I want to "be his friend" or " have him back"

 

It is what it is.

 

No need to try to psycho analyse me. You really do not know what I think.

 

I am not stupid and I can accurately determine how I feel and what Iam thinking thanks.

[Leigh 87]

Just start by getting rid of every way for you to initiate contact. Can you do that?

 

You keep saying you are moving on but you insist on staying right where you are...

 

 

Yes I can block him, but I really do want to know if he dies or when his father dies.

 

I think metal chick sort of has something missing from her, if she was tied to a man for almost 3 years and she did not even want to know if he died, if her dogs died, or if her exes father succumbed to his cancer:sick:

 

Wanting to know if something terrible happens does not mean I am "entertaining" thoughts of being back with him.

[Leigh 87]

What if I give my mobile number to his best friend, who Andrew can get my number off if my ex dies, my dogs dies or my exes father dies?

 

I am more than willing to block all contact, but I want to be CONTACTABLE by SOMEONE Andrew knows if anything were to happen!

 

Sorry but it would really fck me up if he dies or anything terrible happened and NO ONE contact me to inform me.

 

We WERE everything to each other for almost 3 years.

 

Can someone help me figure out how to cut all contact, yet ensure that I will be contacted if something terrible happens?

 

So far I have him blocked on fb, I have blocked his family and friends on fb. I am willing to never see, text, or talk to him again.

 

How do I go around blocking his number, yet ensuring I find out if my dogs get ill or etc?

[Leigh 87]

You can call it heartless. I call it self-preservation. My past does not hold me back. Yours is like a rock chained to your waist and it's drowning you, Leigh. Little by little...

 

I'm not the one on here hung up on a bloke who slept with hookers and then told me the reason he couldn't be with me was because *I* had issues. You asked for people's advice about NC last time and it didn't help. How will it help now?

 

Do what you want. But it's on you.

 

 

So wanting to know if my dogs die or my ex dies one day, means I will never get over him.

 

Right.

 

That makes sense.

 

Why not just block him and everyone he knows on fb (which I have) and not talk to or see him again?

 

Surely that would be enough without blocking him from BOTH my house phone AND mobile?

 

I honestly think you have a lack of empathy or feeling within you

 

I can prove to everyone here that I can not contact him again and ignore HIS attempts. Without blocking his number.

[Leigh 87]

Metal chick - you sound like quiet an unfeeling person.

 

You sort of sound full on and like you would be pretty harsh in real life...

 

Where as I am a very non confrontational women who is very pleasant and friendly to every one.

 

I also love a lot - when I love a person, I CARE about them forever.

 

I fall in love completely; I WANT to know if they die or are severely injured.

 

I believe I am capable of caring if an ex DIES, without actually having hope of being WITH them:sick:

[Leigh 87]

And what about the people who do not block their exes number on their house phone and mobile, who stick to NC and move on?

 

I do not believe I have to not care if he dies, in order to move on.

 

To me that is sick and only a psychopath, sociopath, or narcissist would NOT care if a person they were TRULY in love with, were to die:sick::sick::sick:

 

I do not see why cutting contact and never seeing each other again, means you have to stop caring about them and should not hear if they are severely injured or dead.

 

If you block their number and you do not have their friends numbers, then how are you going to find out if they die?

 

It is what it is okay: this is how I feel. There are no ulterior motives.

 

I am attractive to a lot of men, I get noticed because I stand out with my fashion choices and am proud of who I am, and I do not doubt for a second that I will not go on to find a man who loves me more than my ex.

 

I have options with men. I am genuinely excited about finding love again one day. I have a great life so it is not like I am a miserable person who has nothing to be happy about.

It would be harder for people who have no friends, no options with men, and nothing in life they love; to get dumped would be harder to move on from.

Honestly. I have a lot going for me and my life is awesome - I cannot fathom how never talking to an ex again means you have no right to know if anything has happened to them that is serious.

[Giha]

I'm not talking about blocking his number anymore. If you want him to contact you if something happens, fine. I don't know what would you do with that knowledge but fine.

I'm talking about YOU having no way to contact HIM, by deleting his number. Not blocking - deleting.

 

But just take a few moments to think about what you are saying, how you say you are moving on and you don't want him in your life but you are obviously just unwilling to let the man go...Its like you are still in denial.

[Leigh 87]

Really? That card again? Because I let go of things instead of clinging for dear life, I'm missing something?

 

Actually, yes, you're right. I am missing something. I am missing the negative baggage that holds me back in the past.

 

If you block and remove Andrew from everything, he will find a way to get in contact with you. They always do. Apart from that, you have no reason to keep him in your life, but you're damn well trying to come up with as many excuses as possible.

 

Just keep him in your life, already. Or don't. But this fence-sitting isn't doing anything for you. Piss or get off the pot.

 

 

 

Your not reading me right.

 

I WANT to cut him OUT of my life.

 

He knows where I live.

 

I guess I can go ahead and actually block his number then.

 

I AM honestly worried if he dies though; no one he knows has my NUMBER.

 

I am being deadly serious here.

[Leigh 87]

I'm not talking about blocking his number anymore. If you want him to contact you if something happens, fine. I don't know what would you do with that knowledge but fine.

I'm talking about YOU having no way to contact HIM, by deleting his number. Not blocking - deleting.

 

But just take a few moments to think about what you are saying, how you say you are moving on and you don't want him in your life but you are obviously just unwilling to let the man go...Its like you are still in denial.

 

I have deleted his number.

 

I am moving on - I am way ahead of where I was day one of the break up.

 

I do not want him in my life because he does now love me in the way I deserve to be loved.

 

I do not just want to be friends with him, therefore I would rather cut him out entirely.

 

That is how I am feeling.

 

Oh - and I am already excited about the future with love.

 

Please stop trying to tell me how I am feeling.

 

I can accept that I will never talk or see Andrew again.

 

I honestly just wanted to know if blocking his number so he cannot REACH me if anything happens - is wise.

 

I guess I should after all.

[Giha]

Ok, so say you go full NC this time you don't break it...

Say its now one year later, he calls and says his father dies\your dog ran away\whatever.

 

What now? What would you do? He is not a part of your life anymore.

Ok, you love\d him, we get it. We all love\d our exes. But once you cut them out, they are OUT. They are not a part of your life anymore. Its not your job to worry about them. The choice to go your seperate ways was made and that comes with it.

 

But do as you will. I won't try to convince you anymore.

[Leigh 87]

*sigh*

 

No. Once again, if you actually knew what it was like to face self-sacrifice, to give up someone you love for the greater good, to put someone's needs before your own, you would know a little about me.

 

Caring about someone is one thing. I am not unfeeling. I care about my fellow man. But I also recognise when caring becomes detrimental to me, and that the right thing to do is to let go. But you are obsessed with finding a way to keep this guy in your life. So just do it. Keep in in your life. But stop over-analysing it!

 

I confront you because I've BEEN you. I've been hopelessly in love. I've clung to them for dear life. I've tried to keep them in my life. I've sat by their bed when they've been sick. I've been their friend and grinned and beared it when they met someone else. I've gone back to them after they treated me like crap. I've done it all. You know what? It was a waste of time.

 

The past is the past. He broke up with you. Now you have to relinquish control and let him make the next move, while you take care of you. Because no one else will.

 

You want people to hold your hand and tell you it's ok to create these little loopholes to keep Andrew in your life. And if I indulged that, I would be doing YOU a disservice. I would be giving you bad advice. I would be telling you what you wanted to hear, instead of the truth.

 

I am not saying you and Andrew won't work things out in the future. I'm not saying you won't be able to be friends one day. But it won't happen unless you let it go.

 

It's dead weight, Leigh. Cut it loose. Or drown. Your choice.

 

metal_chick out.

 

 

 

I am blocking his number.

 

Yesterday.

 

Everything you say. I feel 100%.

 

End of thread.

[Leigh 87]

Ok, so say you go full NC this time you don't break it...

Say its now one year later, he calls and says his father dies\your dog ran away\whatever.

 

What now? What would you do? He is not a part of your life anymore.

Ok, you love\d him, we get it. We all love\d our exes. But once you cut them out, they are OUT. They are not a part of your life anymore. Its not your job to worry about them. The choice to go your seperate ways was made and that comes with it.

 

But do as you will. I won't try to convince you anymore.

 

 

I agree with that to a large extent.

 

I guess I do at least want to know if he died or was severely injured.

 

Although we did not work out, we had a very rare connection; not the type you make often with another human being.

 

His mother died; I had anorexia; we both met and helped each other get through some hard times.

 

We felt a very weird vibe when we met.

 

We both felt something very unmistakable and remarkable - that is why I will always want to know if anything terrible happens to him.

 

He feels the same way.

 

I HONESTLY want to cut him out in the way metal chick is suggestion...

 

............................

 

 

Here is what would happen if anything happened to him:

 

I would have remained in NC but someone was able to contact me about his accident or death, or his fathers death.

 

It would be in the future once I had moved on.

 

It would feel wonderful making connections from a stage in my past hat was that important to me.

 

I would be there to comfort a man I once loved; but no longer felt romantically for.

 

I do not think that with NC and a new partner or becoming indifferent to Andrew, that I would suddenly " get all my romantic love" back for him in one meeting.

 

I mean heck - I would have to get to know the guy again to even KNOW whether I even had it IN me to feel romantic towards him after what a jerk he was to me.

 

...............

 

 

Bottom of my heart here: I want to stay NC, and I still want to be there for support if his father dies.

 

Andrew is close to his family.

 

I do not think it would dig up old feelings IF I had been NC and moved on!

 

...............

 

Frankly, I am more attractive than Andrew is and meet decent men very easily.

 

I more than likely, would have found love again or be seriously dating.

[Leigh 87]

When his mother died, he is not the guy who gets support from his "mates". Even his best friends.

 

He actually leaned on his other ex before me. For some reason, a women is able to comfort him.

 

He seriously used her messages to get him through his mothers death.

 

He has a hard time reaching out to his male friends.

 

I feel comfortable that NC would put me in a position where I would be able to comfort him if need be.

 

I do not think that if I stuck to NC, that I would suddenly get romantic feelings for Andrew again.

 

I think I am capable of moving on, whilst still being there in case his father died.

[TaraMaiden]

You don't get to continually dictate when your thread ends, Leigh.

 

You have to get this:

You post threads about how dumb, foolish silly, wrong you were to break NC - yet you openly admit that you hold a huge opening for Contact to be broken again.

 

Look:

If the dog dies - it dies.

What can you do about it anyway?

Nothing.

It's a done deal.

Like the relationship.

 

What can you do if his dad dies?

Nothing.

 

KNOWING about these things is not important right now.

Hell, you couldn't handle the emotional impact, even if it happened.

 

Which it hasn't.

 

And trust me - if he wants you to know, somehow, in some way - he will tell you.

 

You're actually not doing NC right - because you insist on Andrew occupying your every thought and stream of thinking....

 

When you answer others in their threads, you relentlessly keep bringing Andrew up, and how he feels, and what he felt, and how he must be reacting now, and what kind of love you had....

You need to drop this method of answering people - because in that way, you maintain a connection to him.

 

My exes are nothing to me.

Nothing.

Mt ex's mother AND sister , died.

I had known them both for the entire 28 years my ex and I were together.

 

I only heard about it after the events.

And frankly, it was none of my business, I guess.

I was out of the marriage.

no longer part of the fixtures.

 

No Contact means No Contact.

 

I'm sorry you broke it - and in such a wholehearted dramatic way - but you are not as strong as you think you are.

And constant reference, and leaving an opening for contact "Just in case the dog/his dad dies" is ridiculously self-serving.

 

Quit.

Cut.

Detach.

Completely.

 

If something desperately needs to be communicated - he will do that.

 

Until then, don't spend your life on one leg, hesitating about moving forward completely.....

Move, Leigh, move.

Drop the other foot, and walk.