hinatticus Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 You found out that the person you're reconciling with is still friends with a person they had sex with multiple times? We weren't together when she had sex with this guy, but I still feel cheated on because they are still friends. Does that even make sense to be upset about this? And when I say friends I mean they text each other frequently and spend one on one time together. Although it is becoming less frequent because I expressed my concerns with it. I also have a problem with it because they only went on 2 official dates and had sex multiple times, meaning their relationship was most likely just about sex, but why stay good friends with this person? This is the biggest obstacle in my way for reconciling with her.
furby19 Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I would be bothered by that too. Discuss the situation with her and let her know how you feel. If you mean that much to her, she will let the other guy go.
aisuru Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 It's time for a heart to heart conversation. That would bother me as well. I can overlook the relationship while we weren't together. But continuing to speak with them while we're together? Probably a deal breaker. I'd rather they be honest about it though and not hide it.
Author hinatticus Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 I've let her know how I feel about it. The thing is though, she strongly believes this is who she is... Someone who views people just as people. She says I should trust her and blah blah. She doesn't realize how much I trust her. It's not about trust it's about respect for my feelings and I believe my feelings regarding this aren't way out of the norm. I'm not asking her to stop seeing everybody in her life. I'm going to keep biting my tongue until this matter gets discussed in counseling. I'm pretty sure most people would find this situation uncomfortable. It's a tricky situation because the door can swing both ways on this. I ask her to respect my feelings, but she can ask the same thing back to me. Somebody has to give in.
avelonia2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 I whole heartedly agree that most people would find that uncomfortable. It's kind of odd. Did they definitely go on dates and have sex? If I were reconciling with someone I would NOT be talking to someone I was involved with in that way at all, let alone meeting with them one on one. That is definitely disrespectful. Good luck with counseling; I hope it helps the two of you work through this issue. You should honor your feelings though and make sure she "hears" and "sees" why it's hurtful. Until that happens you will continue to be in a stand off of sorts. Why does she feel the need to keep someone that was, from what you posted, a casual fling?
Author hinatticus Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 I whole heartedly agree that most people would find that uncomfortable. It's kind of odd. Did they definitely go on dates and have sex? If I were reconciling with someone I would NOT be talking to someone I was involved with in that way at all, let alone meeting with them one on one. That is definitely disrespectful. Good luck with counseling; I hope it helps the two of you work through this issue. You should honor your feelings though and make sure she "hears" and "sees" why it's hurtful. Until that happens you will continue to be in a stand off of sorts. Why does she feel the need to keep someone that was, from what you posted, a casual fling? They definitely only went on 2 dates and definitely slept together multiple times. She told me. She feels the need to keep casual flings because she is good friends with him now and categorizes him as such. She has a strong belief that people are people and platonic relationships with the opposite sex are just that, platonic. She says it goes against her core belief. It's who she is. I wish this dude would have enough respect to back off. I mean the girl I was dating completely back off out of respect for me and my ex. But it is on my ex/gf as well to understand that I'm uncomfortable with it. It's up to counseling to sort out I guess. It's also hard because I've wanted this reconciliation for the last 15 months and I can't just back away now.
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