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Recently had a fun first date (she's newly single)

somedude81

By somedude81
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KathyM Established Member

KathyM

Posted
Posted
Wow, Kathy.

 

Arg, performance anxiety!

lol. Just trying to put a little pressure under your tail so that you don't take this too slowly. I don't want you to get friendzoned. Women really do want to be kissed if they are interested in the guy. My sister dated a guy who took things extremely slow. Very nice guy, did the hand holding, etc., but never went for the kiss. She had to ask for it, and she came back from every date frustrated that he wouldn't make the move. Way too passive. She wants the passionate, charming, entertaining, confident guy just like every woman does. Going for the kiss shows confidence. It's a good thing.

  • Like 2
SJC2008 Established Member

SJC2008

Posted
Posted
She WANTS to be kissed. Trust me. If she has an interest in dating you, she wants you to kiss her. This is not like some blind date where she may or may not like you. She has already agreed to an actual date. She has already decided she likes you and that you are date-worthy. Do not be conservative on this or hesitant. She wants you to kiss her. So do it. I can't think of even one guy that I dated that didn't go for the kiss on the very first date. This is not grade school. You don't stop at hand holding. Wait until the end of the date, and before saying goodbye, step in for the kiss, and a long embrace. No butt slapping, no nipple pinching. The kiss is what she wants. I don't know where these other dudes are from that are suggesting taking it slow and trying to read signals, but that's not going to fly in California. Make the move, and give her the kiss, so that she doesn't have to tear her hair out in frustration. You have nothing to lose by going for it. What's she going to do, slap you? No. She wants the kiss. She'll think you're shy or passive, or inexperienced, or socially ackward or clueless if you don't. This is the second date, after all. Should have been done on the first date, since you already had the connection.

 

SD worry about your window and not hers. Yes, try to progress things physically and do try to read her but a kiss on x date becasue it HAS to be by x date won't be in the moment, and there's nothing worse than an ill timed, forced kiss. have fun, be yourself and in the moment. Trust me you'll know when it's time to kiss her! Don't rattle your brains with all this stuff, it just makes things worse. Two out of the three times I've kissed women on the first date I didn't get a second one, it's not the silver bulltet advice some people make it out to be...

  • Like 2
xxoo Established Member

xxoo

Posted
Posted

A woman who knows you and agrees to a second date wants to be kissed. Trust us on this. She wants a kiss!

 

You know how she made the process of asking her out easy for you? She'll make the kiss easy, too. Go for it :)

  • Like 3
Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

Posted
Posted
A woman who knows you and agrees to a second date wants to be kissed. Trust us on this. She wants a kiss!

 

You know how she made the process of asking her out easy for you? She'll make the kiss easy, too. Go for it :)

 

Yes I agree. :)

 

And either way, sometimes you just have to take a risk and go for it! ;)

 

Good luck! Hope things with continue to go awesomely! :p:)

  • Like 1
dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted

Performance anxiety?

 

It's a kiss.

 

:rolleyes:

 

Watch videos on youtube and practice on your arm if you need to.

  • Like 1
Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

Posted
Posted
Yes I agree. :)

 

And either way, sometimes you just have to take a risk and go for it! ;)

 

Good luck! Hope things with continue to go awesomely! :p:)

 

See.. I took a risk in wishing you luck... and made a mistake.. a grammer error.. Doh! :p

 

But I still got a like for it! :D (Thanks dreamingoftigers! :))

 

So take a chance, and KISS her!!

 

Even if you do stumble at bit.. (as I did with that previous post)... there's a good chance she'll still LOVE it! :p:)

  • Like 1
PJKino Established Member

PJKino

Posted
Posted
lol. Just trying to put a little pressure under your tail so that you don't take this too slowly. I don't want you to get friendzoned. Women really do want to be kissed if they are interested in the guy. My sister dated a guy who took things extremely slow. Very nice guy, did the hand holding, etc., but never went for the kiss. She had to ask for it, and she came back from every date frustrated that he wouldn't make the move. Way too passive. She wants the passionate, charming, entertaining, confident guy just like every woman does. Going for the kiss shows confidence. It's a good thing.

 

I love how all the women in this thread are saying you must do this and that right away because real men dont wait and arent passive yet most women are scared to death thmselves to inititate :rolleyes:

 

I realize now all "confidence" is that women talk bout in in a man is really initiating everyhting so a women doesnt have to risk anything herself.

Imajerk17 Established Member

Imajerk17

Posted
Posted

SD: Put your arm around her and then look at her face. If she is ready to be kissed, she will look back at you and your lips will just meet. Simple.

  • Like 10
tman666 Established Member

tman666

Posted
Posted
SD worry about your window and not hers. Yes, try to progress things physically and do try to read her but a kiss on x date becasue it HAS to be by x date won't be in the moment, and there's nothing worse than an ill timed, forced kiss. have fun, be yourself and in the moment. Trust me you'll know when it's time to kiss her! Don't rattle your brains with all this stuff, it just makes things worse. Two out of the three times I've kissed women on the first date I didn't get a second one, it's not the silver bulltet advice some people make it out to be...

 

This is how I've always approached things, and it's worked fine for me.

 

That said, I've heard that dating in California (or New York City, Washington DC, etc.) is a very different animal than it is for us country-bumpkins here in flyover states. Yeeee hawww muthafacka.

 

Anyway...

 

After thinking about this more, I'm starting to think that going for the kiss might be a good thing. There's basically two possible outcomes: she can either reciprocate, or she can basically dodge out of it, indicating that you were on the fast train to friendzoneville anyway. Waiting may not serve much of a purpose, unless of course, you just enjoy her company, want to see where things go on their own, and don't mind taking sort of a laissez-faire approach. Since this hasn't really worked in the past for you, you might as well go for the gold, right?

  • Like 3
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

I think that kiss is crucial for a few reasons:

 

1. SD has a history of F-zone. I remember his past threads and he has some sort of mental block when it comes to kissing a girl and escalating physical intimacy. He needs to push through the mental barrier.

 

2. I know that I start to wonder if a guy doesn't kiss me in 2 dates. I wonder and start thinking that he is not that into me so I start looking at other options.

 

KISS HER :bunny:

  • Like 4
Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
If a really good looking suave dude made a comment like that to a woman, she'd be like "Oh wow. He LIKES me!"

 

"Suave" is the key, not height or "good looking."

 

A "suave" guy who says that is certainly going to get a different reaction than an insecure guy who does, even if they both look identical.

 

Not a criticism of SD here. Maybe it was a bit of an awkward move to say that, but onwards anyway! Dating is often an awkward business, especially when you are not used to it.

  • Like 2
Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
Performance anxiety?

 

It's a kiss.

 

:rolleyes:

 

Watch videos on youtube and practice on your arm if you need to.

 

And then, post videos of THAT on youtube. And send us the links! :)

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

Enjoy your date and I'm confident your first expression of affection by kissing her will be everything you hoped it to be. One tip: In the moment, suspend logic and outcome dependency. Go with feelings. Good luck.

  • Like 2
Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted

I realize now all "confidence" is that women talk bout in in a man is really initiating everyhting so a women doesnt have to risk anything herself.

 

Um … this thread is not about the girl SD is starting to date and what SHE wants.

 

SD WANTS , very seriously WANTS to have a girlfriend. If he does not take risks, he is not trying his best to realize this. Whether it succeeds or fails, he needs to do his best to step WAY out of his comfort zone now.

 

If a girl was posting about her desire to have a boyfriend - especially if she was one who'd seemed isolated and scared to try for a long time - I assure you that she'd be given similar advice.

 

It's really sad, the way you feel that your CHOICE to live life as a passive passenger is somehow grounds for blaming other people. You don't get the results you'd like out of sitting around whining? Maybe you should consider a different lifestyle. Like, trying for what you want even if it's scary and you'd be risking rejection.

 

Girls / women who sit around whining rather than trying for what they want out of life (in all aspects, not just getting screwed) have the exact same results as guys do. Don't bother with the arguments; I've internalized them all so completely that I could write a post from you and nobody could tell I was an imposter.

  • Like 3
PJKino Established Member

PJKino

Posted
Posted
Um … this thread is not about the girl SD is starting to date and what SHE wants.

 

SD WANTS , very seriously WANTS to have a girlfriend. If he does not take risks, he is not trying his best to realize this. Whether it succeeds or fails, he needs to do his best to step WAY out of his comfort zone now.

 

If a girl was posting about her desire to have a boyfriend - especially if she was one who'd seemed isolated and scared to try for a long time - I assure you that she'd be given similar advice.

 

It's really sad, the way you feel that your CHOICE to live life as a passive passenger is somehow grounds for blaming other people. You don't get the results you'd like out of sitting around whining? Maybe you should consider a different lifestyle. Like, trying for what you want even if it's scary and you'd be risking rejection.

 

Girls / women who sit around whining rather than trying for what they want out of life (in all aspects, not just getting screwed) have the exact same results as guys do. Don't bother with the arguments; I've internalized them all so completely that I could write a post from you and nobody could tell I was an imposter.

 

Whatever..im happier not worrying about women then blindly trying to be positive when i know im gonna get rejected anyway..

 

All the have confidence and girls will magically like you blah blah blowing sunshine up my ass thing im done with

Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

Posted
Posted
Whatever..im happier not worrying about women then blindly trying to be positive when i know im gonna get rejected anyway..

 

All the have confidence and girls will magically like you blah blah blowing sunshine up my ass thing im done with

 

Good for you. :)

 

At the end of the day, striving for happiness (whatever that means for you) is the most important thing in life. :)

  • Like 3
Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

Posted
Posted
Whatever..im happier not worrying about women then blindly trying to be positive when i know im gonna get rejected anyway..

 

Awesome! Does that mean that we're going to be spared the recurring whining and blaming posts from here on out! Yay.

 

All the have confidence and girls will magically like you blah blah blowing sunshine up my ass thing im done with

 

I don't think anyone ever says that. Confidence surely helps. Girls might not like you for it, but it gets you out there trying anyway.

 

For people to really LIKE you, though … you actually have to be likable.

 

Don't worry, though. That can probably be developed any time in ones life, if a person really wants to do it.

  • Like 3
PJKino Established Member

PJKino

Posted
Posted
Awesome! Does that mean that we're going to be spared the recurring whining and blaming posts from here on out! Yay.

 

 

 

 

Of course..this board should make sure every topic is interesting to you..thats what we all strive for here!

JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

Posted
Posted
Awesome! Does that mean that we're going to be spared the recurring whining and blaming posts from here on out! Yay.

 

Actually, in my last thread, I was careful to not make it about men/women and I also showed that I was going out and being proactive and even hinted that my lack of charisma played a part. It's frustrating.

 

It was treated all the same and moved immediately anyway. I guess any complaint of frustration in life is seen as majorly unattractive.

JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

Posted
Posted
"Suave" is the key, not height or "good looking."

 

A "suave" guy who says that is certainly going to get a different reaction than an insecure guy who does, even if they both look identical.

 

Not a criticism of SD here. Maybe it was a bit of an awkward move to say that, but onwards anyway! Dating is often an awkward business, especially when you are not used to it.

 

Let's just say I believe you.

 

And I've spent the past 15 years working on my game and becoming more suave. But the results are largely the same.

 

What would you say to that person?

Xinreeki Established Member

Xinreeki

Posted
Posted (edited)
Let's just say I believe you.

 

And I've spent the past 15 years working on my game and becoming more suave. But the results are largely the same.

 

What would you say to that person?

 

Give up. Trying something different / trying again in any way shape or form would be pointless.

 

If you fail 10 times, no point trying anything else to see if you can make the 11th time the time you succeed.

 

No point in making any more efforts to reach your goals at all.

 

Might as well just throw in the towel there and then.

 

Live happily single instead. :)

Edited by Xinreeki
AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

Posted
Posted

 

 

 

ay.

 

For people to really LIKE you, though … you actually have to be likable.

 

Don't worry, though. That can probably be developed any time in ones life, if a person really wants to do it.

 

Being likable doesnt always translate to being sexually attractive..Im "likable" by most people women included they are just not physically attracted to me.

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
I love how all the women in this thread are saying you must do this and that right away because real men dont wait and arent passive yet most women are scared to death thmselves to inititate :rolleyes:

 

I realize now all "confidence" is that women talk bout in in a man is really initiating everyhting so a women doesnt have to risk anything herself.

 

:rolleyes:

No it's called: this is what tends to arouse passion in us so we are giving him some advice.

 

Because typically, if we aren't going to get the feel-good passionate stuff we tend to think, "oh he just wants to be friends OR he must not be all that attracted to me OR hmm, is he just playing with me?"

 

Just the same as a man wanting specific qualities in a mate, like appearance.

 

Different needs, different execution.

  • Like 1
Treasa Established Member

Treasa

Posted
Posted

JJS likes to defeat himself. I keep asking for a picture, and he keeps pussying out on me. I never guaranteed I would compliment him. I'd be honest, but he's not even giving me the chance.

 

Also, just because girls don't approach you doesn't mean they don't approach. If I want something, I pretty much take it. This applies to men, too. :D

  • Like 4
JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

Posted
Posted
Give up. Trying something different / trying again in any way shape or form would be pointless.

 

If you fail 10 times, no point trying anything else to see if you can make the 11th time the time you succeed.

 

No point in making any more efforts to reach your goals at all.

 

Might as well just throw in the towel there and then.

 

Live happily single instead. :)

 

I agree maybe some of us whine a bit too much.

 

But I think that others think unsuccessful PEOPLE here do nothing to better or change.

 

I'm a person with a lot of resolve. My last two years of undergrad GPA was a 4.0 in a tough major. So, I'm not a quitter or lazy.

 

Should we just STFU in the face of constant rejection? Maybe so.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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