Sukar7 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 So I'm back to dating again after taking a couple years off. I'm very interested in developing a satisfying LTR. My question is should I date the guys that are clearly not LTR potential just to date or hold out for only the ones (much fewer btw) that are truly LTR potential?
KathyM Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 If your goal is to develop a LTR, then dating men who are not suitable for that would be a waste of time. If you want to catch a tuna, you don't go fishing in the minnow pond. It's a waste of time. 3
Shepp Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 If you want to catch a tuna, you don't go fishing in the minnow pond. It's a waste of time. Cant say it better than that!
apple OR orange Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 this is a joke right???? "i want a LTR, should i date ones WHO DO NOT WANT LTR"???? wtf? 1
Author Sukar7 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 this is a joke right???? "i want a LTR, should i date ones WHO DO NOT WANT LTR"???? wtf? You may have misunderstood me, I was just curious to hear ideas about just dating for the hell of it even if the guy is not (rather than does not want to) LTR potential. but I get the point...
BluEyeL Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I get the point of dating for the sake of practicing, the more you do it, the better you get at it. I'd say if you think you'd enjoy it, you can go out with people that don't seem LTR material and "practice" on them. Can help with social/dating skills. If you feel it would be a drag, then don't do it, I don't see the benefit. It's a highly personal decision.
DarrylP2 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I get the point of dating for the sake of practicing, the more you do it, the better you get at it. I'd say if you think you'd enjoy it, you can go out with people that don't seem LTR material and "practice" on them. Can help with social/dating skills. If you feel it would be a drag, then don't do it, I don't see the benefit. It's a highly personal decision. I agree with BluEyeL, in that it's a very personal decision, however, obviously you still want to put your best foot forward. So with that said look at things this way, lets say you decide to pursue someone that you believe has long term relationship potential. In more cases than not, if they truly are they'll see the "real you" and will stick around regardless to work on the relationship. If you do decide to go down the route of simply dating, just be sure to be transparent and up front about your intentions. Who knows, that individual that doesn't qualify out of the gate as LTR potential, may just be able to win you over.
daletom Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 . . . My question is should I date the guys that are clearly not LTR potential just to date or hold out . . . I don't want to start an argument quibbling over exactly what a "date" is, but I would suggest you cultivate friendships with a variety of guys. If somebody is looking for a companion to a ballgame, or to spend an afternoon strolling through the Craft Fair, attend a professional society meeting, or just to go to lunch, think carefully before declining the invitation. Don't lead him on if you think he has serious romantic attentions - practice using phrases like, "This is just as friends, right?" if you think it's necessary to categorize the relationship. Don't think of it as a "practice date"; it's a chance to make the acquaintance of somebody who may, or may not, be an interesting person to know. It's also an opportunity to develop social skills such as conversation. You might find yourself learning about something outside your current sphere of interest - paleontology, ballroom dancing, orchid growing, immigration issues, volleyball, etc, etc. I'll admit I have a more subtle, ulterior motive behind this suggestion. That is, how do you KNOW whether somebody does, or doesn't, have LTR potential? In my opinion it takes a couple months of in-person contact (though not necessarily dating) to really know this. By opening yourself up to a wider field of consideration you may actually become better at recognizing what characteristics are necessary for LTR, and who possesses them.
BluEyeL Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 The acquaintances thing, the problem is most dates don't go beyond first and second and you rarely make acquaintances, ones that you still keep in contanct with, out of them. So I view dating men that meet certain criteria but you are a bit unsure about what potential they have just as practice of dating skills. I know I've learned a lot about dating and men by going on dates. Don't expect things to work out fast, unless you are very lucky, it's gonna take a while.
Author Sukar7 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 I don't want to start an argument quibbling over exactly what a "date" is, but I would suggest you cultivate friendships with a variety of guys. If somebody is looking for a companion to a ballgame, or to spend an afternoon strolling through the Craft Fair, attend a professional society meeting, or just to go to lunch, think carefully before declining the invitation. Don't lead him on if you think he has serious romantic attentions - practice using phrases like, "This is just as friends, right?" if you think it's necessary to categorize the relationship. Don't think of it as a "practice date"; it's a chance to make the acquaintance of somebody who may, or may not, be an interesting person to know. It's also an opportunity to develop social skills such as conversation. You might find yourself learning about something outside your current sphere of interest - paleontology, ballroom dancing, orchid growing, immigration issues, volleyball, etc, etc. I'll admit I have a more subtle, ulterior motive behind this suggestion. That is, how do you KNOW whether somebody does, or doesn't, have LTR potential? In my opinion it takes a couple months of in-person contact (though not necessarily dating) to really know this. By opening yourself up to a wider field of consideration you may actually become better at recognizing what characteristics are necessary for LTR, and who possesses them. I really like your ideas here...though there are obvious LTR potential criteria such as education, income, and life schedule. Alot of (what appear to be) very nice guys contact me but don't have the basic necessary criteria for a LTR with me. I think I will try the next time one of them contacts me to give the standard "we're not a match romantically" but maybe we could be friends? Of course, knowing people, they might agree as a way of getting their foot in the door, only to have me disappoint them, but it might be worth a go just for the "opportunity to develop social skills"...my aim is not to cause anybody pain--dating is hard enough...
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