ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 (edited) So I was supposed to go on a first date with this guy next week. However, he sent me a text saying "I need to reschedule to another day" because he's taking off to wherever with his friends and he won't be back until X day. No apology, nothing. He went into details as to why he was taking off (he's got a sudden job break, it's been a while since his last break bla bla - Like I care). The whole text was about him. Didn't ask me how I was doing, didn't ask me if it was okay to reschedule, didn't say sorry. And he had the guts to end his text with a smiley face. I still haven't responded to his text. I really don't like the fact that he's putting himself in a superior position by saying "I need to reschedule". It's not like I spend my days waiting for him to call. I'm not sure I should write him off, but I find his behavior a quite bit rude. He could have come up with a more respectful excuse especially as he's the one who has been insisting on setting up this stupid date (talking about it over and over again). What can I send him as a response? I don't want to be regarded as a doormat, so I want to find something that will make him realize he screwed up big time. What is the best way to react? Thank you ! Edited May 25, 2013 by ShiningMoon
apple OR orange Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 personally, i dont think he should date you.... why you ask OR (like you care!) He gave you a reason, he doesn't know you, however you seem to expect the whole world to revolve around you, he explained he had a work break and "like i care" was your thinking response. Well i seriously hope he realises what a mistake he dodged when you "dump him" 4
Author ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 I don't see how I'm in the wrong here. The " Like I care " was just out of annoyance, it wasn't my initial response at all. I don't expect the world to revolve around me at all. However, a little " sorry " wouldn't be too much to ask. That's all.
Star Gazer Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Texting is tough. I'd be annoyed that he said "I need" instead of "can we" too, but you never know what the intent and tone is behind a text from someone you barely know and haven't met. I'd say, "Sure, call me and we'll figure it out." And then I'd evaluate the situation after I heard his voice... Whether he's sincerely interested, still only talking about himself, etc., and make a decision after that. 6
ja123 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I'd be turned off, too. How about not letting him know that he bothered you, and just write: "OK. Enjoy your break." Then, if he contacts you again, you can blow him off by not responding.
ja123 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Star Gazer's advice is better, probably. More reasonable. 2
Col1 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 So I was supposed to go on a first date with this guy next week. However, he sent me a text saying "I need to reschedule to another day" because he's taking off to wherever with his friends and he won't be back until X day. No apology, nothing. He went into details as to why he was taking off (he's got a sudden job break, it's been a while since his last break bla bla - Like I care). The whole text was about him. Didn't ask me how I was doing, didn't ask me if it was okay to reschedule, didn't say sorry. And he had the guts to end his text with a smiley face. I still haven't responded to his text. I really don't like the fact that he's putting himself in a superior position by saying "I need to reschedule". It's not like I spend my days waiting for him to call. I'm not sure I should write him off, but I find his behavior a quite bit rude. He could have come up with a more respectful excuse especially as he's the one who has been insisting on setting up this stupid date (talking about it over and over again). What can I send him as a response? I don't want to be regarded as a doormat, so I want to find something that will make him realize he screwed up big time. What is the best way to react? Thank you ! You don't need to reply. He canceled the date. It's up to him to make the effort to reschedule. 4
Author ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 (edited) Oh no. It's really not about me being his #1 priority. Of course I'm not a priority, we just met. That's perfectly understandable. It'd be quite disturbing if I were. It's not so much about him cancelling the date. I'm really not mad about the cancellation in itself at all. It happens. It's more about the way he did cancel the date. It screams "I'm blowing you off, and you know it". Here are the elements that bother me: - The fact that he said "I need to reschedule" instead of asking if "we" could reschedule. - Telling me openly he's going on vacation instead. - The lack of apology for cancelling. I'm really not mad about him cancelling, really. If anything, I know he works a lot so he really deserves his break. However, it's the way he did cancel the date that screams "I don't care". But then again, I'm not sure I should be mad. He rarely gets breaks so he grab the opportunity to do whatever he wants. Edited May 25, 2013 by ShiningMoon
Author ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 As far as I remember, I didn't complain about anything. We barely know each other. It'd be quite hard to get mad at someone in the first few weeks. But I don't get why people can't tell me what to do, instead of actually judging my behavior. Obviously, if I came to here to ask for advice, it's because I don't trust my own judgment which could lead me to screw up.
HokeyReligions Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Don't people ever pick up the phone any more and just talk to each other? If I had a date cancel or if I had to cancel a date ANY text message would be unacceptable. If one expects courtesy from others they should first show courtesy themselves. I'm just curious - when he asked you on this date and you accepted , was it done via text or were you talking to each other in real time? 2
Author ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Thank you for these responses. I'll choose one of the two options stated above : - Not replying - Replying in a nice (not bitter) manner And I don't get why I should see a therapist just because a guy's behavior bothered me. 1
Author ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Don't people ever pick up the phone any more and just talk to each other? If I had a date cancel or if I had to cancel a date ANY text message would be unacceptable. If one expects courtesy from others they should first show courtesy themselves. I'm just curious - when he asked you on this date and you accepted , was it done via text or were you talking to each other in real time? The very first time he asked me out on this date, it was in real time. However, he later planned the date through text.
GB25 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Thank you for these responses. I'll choose one of the two options stated above : - Not replying - Replying in a nice (not bitter) manner And I don't get why I should see a therapist just because a guy's behavior bothered me. Nah, you dont need a therapist you were just annoyed when writing you're thread so it probably came off more intense than what you wanted... If this train of thought is a norm for you then that sucks because dating is grueling..people do rude, crazy, unacceptable things so you really just havta shake it off. My advice would be to lighten up and dont be so sensetive especially before even date 1 1
Author ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Nah, you dont need a therapist you were just annoyed when writing you're thread so it probably came off more intense than what you wanted... If this train of thought is a norm for you then that sucks because dating is grueling..people do rude, crazy, unacceptable things so you really just havta shake it off. My advice would be to lighten up and dont be so sensetive especially before even date 1 Thank you very much for your constructive advice. That's my train of thought when I'm really interested in someone. Usually, I'm way less intense. But I agree, I really should lighten up because this behavior isn't helping.
HokeyReligions Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 The very first time he asked me out on this date, it was in real time. However, he later planned the date through text. I think if I were in your place I would just acknowledge his text with an "ok call me later and have fun" or something casual like that and go on about my life. I don't thi k there's any reason to write him off but if future dates go well and you see something happening long term you can discuss both of your communication styles and expectations then. The phrase "Bros before hoes" comes to mind. ( I'm not callin g you a whore its just that this is a beginning and you have no commitments to each other)
pcplod Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Well, it's just a personal perspective of course, but I don't believe in looking a gift horse in the mouth, so it sounds to me as if you weren't either that important or interesting. Respond accordingly. 1
mammasita Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I don't think you're wrong or crazy for feeling the way you do. People show their true colors from the very beginning, we often choose to ignore the signs. His wording and lack of an apology definitely make me feel like he's selfish and self centered, but you've never met. If it were me, I would respond with an "ok, when?". Leave it on him and move on. Give him the benefit of the doubt but absolutely pay attention. 1
Balzac Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Let me understand, you've had no meet n greet in person?
Author ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Let me understand, you've had no meet n greet in person? We already met once. It was just a meet and greet. He asked me out on a date at that meet and greet, and he's kept messaging me since. Obviously, if we hadn't met, I wouldn't have any valid grounds to feel slightly offended.
Author ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 (edited) I don't think you're wrong or crazy for feeling the way you do. People show their true colors from the very beginning, we often choose to ignore the signs. His wording and lack of an apology definitely make me feel like he's selfish and self centered, but you've never met. If it were me, I would respond with an "ok, when?". Leave it on him and move on. Give him the benefit of the doubt but absolutely pay attention. No, we've already met about two weeks ago. He's the one who initiated the meet and greet and who kept messaging me afterwards. Half the reason why I feel quite offended by his egocentric and unapologetic text is because when we met, he wouldn't stop talking about him-his job-his friends-his life. Hence, when I saw his text, it was the cherry on top. Edited May 25, 2013 by ShiningMoon
Author ShiningMoon Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 personally, i dont think he should date you.... why you ask OR (like you care!) He gave you a reason, he doesn't know you, however you seem to expect the whole world to revolve around you, he explained he had a work break and "like i care" was your thinking response. Well i seriously hope he realises what a mistake he dodged when you "dump him" He doesn't know me? Hum. We already met. I'm not talking about online dating here.
FitChick Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 It wouldn't bother me unless I were really, really into him and desperate to have sex with him and have him marry me and father my kids. Sound like you? I could never be a lesbian.
BluEyeL Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I kinda agree with the OP. I would be certainly annoyed at a cancellation without a "sorry", a question...something. Reply something neutral and see if he follows through with the date later on. Never date anyone who cancels twice. So far, this is a bit of a red flag, but I'd give him the benefit of the doubt just this once. 1
jolie_baby Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 So I was supposed to go on a first date with this guy next week. However, he sent me a text saying "I need to reschedule to another day" because he's taking off to wherever with his friends and he won't be back until X day. No apology, nothing. He went into details as to why he was taking off (he's got a sudden job break, it's been a while since his last break bla bla - Like I care). The whole text was about him. Didn't ask me how I was doing, didn't ask me if it was okay to reschedule, didn't say sorry. And he had the guts to end his text with a smiley face. I still haven't responded to his text. I really don't like the fact that he's putting himself in a superior position by saying "I need to reschedule". It's not like I spend my days waiting for him to call. I'm not sure I should write him off, but I find his behavior a quite bit rude. He could have come up with a more respectful excuse especially as he's the one who has been insisting on setting up this stupid date (talking about it over and over again). What can I send him as a response? I don't want to be regarded as a doormat, so I want to find something that will make him realize he screwed up big time. What is the best way to react? Thank you ! I wouldn't reply... if he calls again -and if you are still interested- you can know more and then judge better... But if in his text he didn't ask for your agreement/pardon and it seemed like his decision only... then just don't reply and see when/ if he contacts you again later... don't give the whole thing too much attention/thought if he is (seemingly) taking it lightly...
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