Second chances don't work.

[FailedFirstLove]

I did the same thing... Accepted a close friendship. He called everyday with me thinking I could handle this. Then oneday he was gone. I waited and waited. Hot angry but he ignored. Had fights. And he would just ignore.

I can never understand why they do this.

 

I too feel the pain of not having him there and just liked his comfort even if it wasnt reconciliation... be strong. Your not the only person to do this.

[Ginko_Mushishi]

Thanks everyone. I just feel numb today, though I'm crying I can't actually feel it.

 

Ok, we're obviously aren't meant to be together and one of us had to put an end to it but I just can't get over how he done it 'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again'

 

Why so cold? I did reply and agreed with him and I also let him know that he took me for granted and has been treating me like a doormat....

 

No reply from him. Nothing.

 

That should make things easy for you... to move on, I mean. Don't be too hard on yourself. I didn't give my ex a second chance. I'm sometimes haunted by the "what if" questions in my mind.

Trust me, you did what you could, so there's nothing to be ashamed. Why so cold? 'Cause it's difficult for him also. It's a bit less painful to do it that way.

[Atalya]

Hi.

You are not an idiot or worthless. You tried your best and you must remember that. Sometimes things just don't work out. You aren't stupid for giving it one last shot. As terrible as this, you have closure now. Exactly as everyone is saying, it takes two to make a realtionship work.

 

With every break up there are always lessons to learn. I know it's awful now but you still have your life to look forward to. Everything will be alright. You can move on. Just take your time and get through this. Slow and steady wins the race! Lol.

 

You gave your all and you should be proud. He's the one who has the issues, I may not know him but he has to work on himself too. It's time for somebody to learn to take responsibilty and realize they're wrong but only he can do that. He's the only one who can change himself and he needs the change.

 

Keep strong, dear. <3

[eleve82]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this, it's not easy to have to go through all this rejection and pain all over again. Personal experiences shape your views on the world and I can see why you thnk second chances don't work.

 

But, I know for a fact that people who have broken up CAN make things work. I've seen it with my own eyes many times, couples that made it through rough times and are now (mostly) happily married with children. However it takes an extraordinary amount of patience, forgiveness, maturity and willingness to work at it and communicate openly and honestly with each other. In other words, both parties need to recognise what the other person means to each other and it needs to outweigh personal pride and interest, otherwise one party will eventually walk away. Both parties need to recognise that they are indeed happy in each others lives, without wondering if there is someone else better out there for them ie they love their partners for who they are and the person they become around them. Because it takes so much more work, it is indeed hard.

 

It definitely is not enough to just "want it" badly enough.

 

The way your ex has responded is enough to show he does not have the maturity nor patience to address the root of the relationsip's problems. This is also a two way process - if you failed to correct the way you interacted with him, this could also have led to him lapsing into his old ways. Breakdowns in interactions are rarely irreparable - and they are rarely caused by one single factor. For things to change, both parties need to address the root problem, not just sit passively and wait for things to pan out. This also requires a great deal of introspection and self awareness (i cannot stress this enough, self awareness is crucial: understanding why you behave in a certain way, the impact it has on people around you, and how to correct a certain behaviour) on both sides. Ultimately, the strength of the relationship will manifest itself in how you both approach difficult times.

 

This also boils down to a difference in values: if someone believes he or she should never have to change anything about himself or herself for anyone, it will be difficult to improve a relationship with such a person - and given that all people grow as individuals over time, this is terribly unrealistic.

 

With so many variables at play, it's no surprise most relationships don't work, or don't reach their fullest potential. But I am sure that if you look closely at your experiences with your ex, you may find signs that will help you open the doors to a healthier relationship next time.

 

Regardless, I hope you start feeling better soon.

[Suave]

Second chances can work given a lot of time and complete forgiveness from both sides.