LostGirl11 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 (edited) You will all probably read this and sigh and think 'Well it's your own fault' Which it is. Ever heard of that saying 'Never **** on your own doorstep' Well that is exactly what I done. We split up in January and as you all know I was on here for a good two months, asking for advice, venting ect. I didn't cope at all but I did go NC in the end and was actually getting over him some what. It didn't feel like it at the time but looking back now, I was getting there. He would throw me breadcrumbs every couple of weeks but I stopped reacting to them and was able to ignore him. Yes it hurt, but I knew I'd feel worse if I replied. I had some control over my feelings and it felt good. So, he realised that I was doing okay without him when I stopped with the emails, texts and begging....Then he done the one thing that I longed him to do for two months....He begged me to talk to him. And I caved, we spoke for hours and it was actually me saying 'Things won't change' I fell for every promise. We both agreed to see how things go, and things were great for the first month. I made sure I kept my feet on groud though and didn't allow myself to get carried away. But he slowly slipped back into his old habbits, we would argue, he'd give me the silent treatmeant for days, he was never in the wrong, took me for granted, resented doing or saying anything nice to me, ect. I should have ended it there, but I didn't, I couldn't. I just kept reminding myself of how bad I felt when he wasn't in my life. Last night he ended it. Again. We haven't been getting on, at all. He sent me a very cold message, something like 'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again' Here I am, back a square one. I feel more out of control this time. I feel stupid and absolutely worthless! Why the **** did I do it! I would have been fine by now! But no, I've got to go through the whole break up again. I feel so mind ****ed! So for everyone that wants their ex back, DON'T DO IT! It doesn't work, no matter how much you both want it to. Yes, it will feel amazing once they're back in you life but things will soon start to go down hill. I'm an idiot. A worthless idiot. Edited May 25, 2013 by LostGirl11 1
StraylightRun24 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 You will all probably read this and sigh and think 'Well it's your own fault' Which it is. Ever heard of that saying 'Never **** on your own doorstep' Well that is exactly what I done. We split up in January and as you all know I was on here for a good two months, asking for advice, venting ect. I didn't cope at all but I did go NC in the end and was actually getting over him some what. It didn't feel like it at the time but looking back now, I was getting there. He would throw me breadcrumbs every couple of weeks but I stopped reacting to them and was able to ignore him. Yes it hurt, but I knew I'd feel worse if I replied. I had some control over my feelings and it felt good. So, he realised that I was doing okay without him when I stopped with the emails, texts and begging....Then he done the one thing that I longed him to do for two months....He begged me to talk to him. And I caved, we spoke for hours and it was actually me saying 'Things won't change' I fell for every promise. We both agreed to see how things go, and things were great for the first month. I made sure I kept my feet on groud though and didn't allow myself to get carried away. But he slowly slipped back into his old habbits, we would argue, he'd give me the silent treatmeant for days, he was never in the wrong, took me for granted, resented doing or saying anything nice to me, ect. I should have ended it there, but I didn't, I couldn't. I just kept reminding myself of how bad I felt when he wasn't in my life. Last night he ended it. Again. We haven't been getting on, at all. He sent me a very cold message, something like 'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again' Here I am, back a square one. I feel more out of control this time. I feel stupid and absolutely worthless! Why the **** did I do it! I would have been fine by now! But no, I've got to go through the whole break up again. I feel so mind ****ed! So for everyone that wants their ex back, DON'T DO IT! It doesn't work, no matter how much you both want it to. Yes, it will feel amazing once they're back in you life but things will soon start to go down hill. I'm an idiot. A worthless idiot. You are neither worthless or an idiot. You loved the guy and attempted to try again and it unfortunately didn't work....that is all. As someone who is their own harshest critic I really have to say this kind of thinking gets you nowhere besides going around in self-pity party circle and will put you into a definite rut like I'm currently experiencing. So PLEASE don't continue to have such negative thoughts about yourself. All you are guilty of is loving someone too much and that is not a bad thing. Especially when you meet the right guy.......and you will! 3
Kristopher1 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 You will all probably read this and sigh and think 'Well it's your own fault' Which it is. Ever heard of that saying 'Never **** on your own doorstep' Well that is exactly what I done. We split up in January and as you all know I was on here for a good two months, asking for advice, venting ect. I didn't cope at all but I did go NC in the end and was actually getting over him some what. It didn't feel like it at the time but looking back now, I was getting there. He would throw me breadcrumbs every couple of weeks but I stopped reacting to them and was able to ignore him. Yes it hurt, but I knew I'd feel worse if I replied. I had some control over my feelings and it felt good. So, he realised that I was doing okay without him when I stopped with the emails, texts and begging....Then he done the one thing that I longed him to do for two months....He begged me to talk to him. And I caved, we spoke for hours and it was actually me saying 'Things won't change' I fell for every promise. We both agreed to see how things go, and things were great for the first month. I made sure I kept my feet on groud though and didn't allow myself to get carried away. But he slowly slipped back into his old habbits, we would argue, he'd give me the silent treatmeant for days, he was never in the wrong, took me for granted, resented doing or saying anything nice to me, ect. I should have ended it there, but I didn't, I couldn't. I just kept reminding myself of how bad I felt when he wasn't in my life. Last night he ended it. Again. We haven't been getting on, at all. He sent me a very cold message, something like 'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again' Here I am, back a square one. I feel more out of control this time. I feel stupid and absolutely worthless! Why the **** did I do it! I would have been fine by now! But no, I've got to go through the whole break up again. I feel so mind ****ed! So for everyone that wants their ex back, DON'T DO IT! It doesn't work, no matter how much you both want it to. Yes, it will feel amazing once they're back in you life but things will soon start to go down hill. I'm an idiot. A worthless idiot. You are nothing of the sort! You loved him, you gave him a chance and it didn't work out, now you can go NC for good, and you won't ever have to ask yourself "what if?" For me I'd see it as closure and I'd be relieved.. Don't worry, we're all here to support right? We're all more or less in the same boat so, let's all move on together ! Be strong! 3
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 I'm just so ashamed of myself. I've got to go through the break up all over again, the constant going over every little thing in my head until I feel like I'm going to pass out, the anxiety, the depression, the loss of appetite, the sleepless nights wondering what he's up to, the crying like a baby, the waking up every morning feeling sick, the battle of NC, the 'I'll just send one last meassge, just incase he took the last one wrong' I'll be feeling all this while he feels nothing. It makes me cringe, I'm just a pest to him. 1
iouaname Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Aw, I'm so sorry All that you can do now is learn from your mistakes. Try to remember that you were beginning to feel better last time, and just try to know that you will feel like that again soon enough. 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Aw, I'm so sorry All that you can do now is learn from your mistakes. Try to remember that you were beginning to feel better last time, and just try to know that you will feel like that again soon enough. I feel like I have no control over my feelings. It hurts so bad because he isn't even bothered. He ended it so easily and is probably getting on with his day and not giving me a second thought, yet here I am feeling sick, knowing I have a long time of feeling like this.
iouaname Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I know, I've been there. I'm still there, so I'm not sure that I can give advice when I wouldn't even be able to take my own. The mistake that I made, that I would urge others to not make, is to not let him see your feelings. Even if you feel all of those things - don't give him the satisfaction of seeing it. I wish that in my grief, I had been more dignified and not allowed him to know how much he had hurt me. 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 I know, I've been there. I'm still there, so I'm not sure that I can give advice when I wouldn't even be able to take my own. The mistake that I made, that I would urge others to not make, is to not let him see your feelings. Even if you feel all of those things - don't give him the satisfaction of seeing it. I wish that in my grief, I had been more dignified and not allowed him to know how much he had hurt me. I'm going to be more dignified this time around but I know it's going to be twice a hard not to give into the urges! I know it will make me feel like crap and make me look clingy but at the same time I'm thinking 'Well, all that begging and reaching out payed off in the end because he came back'
Kristopher1 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 (edited) I feel like I have no control over my feelings. It hurts so bad because he isn't even bothered. He ended it so easily and is probably getting on with his day and not giving me a second thought, yet here I am feeling sick, knowing I have a long time of feeling like this. That's exactly how I feel right now, but don't worry, there will be someone else for you, and I guarantee that person will never, EVER put you in that situation, and will most definitely not make you feel the way you do now. As difficult as it is at the moment (I'm currently going through the same thing), it will get better. So cheer up, make sure you eat, talk with friends, talk with us, go out, keep yourself occupied and try not to think about it too much. Edited May 25, 2013 by Kristopher1 1
na49 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 It seems like your ex getting back together with you was more of a knee jerk reaction than him actually wanting to be with you again. Sorry it didn't work out for you. A relationship takes two people who want it at all times. The minute one person stops wanting it, it's over. 3
Compromize Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 You are worth it. You followed your heart and tried, gave it one last shot and you should not regret that. You would have been left wondering otherwise and now at least you can let go knowing you did absolutely everything you could and in the end it didn't work, but not because you didn't try. I think that most, if not all, of us on here are those kinds of people. The kinds of people that give a relationship their all, take every last risk and chance to make it work. We, you, are a rarity. That is truth. I too am making an effort to get back with my ex. I am going to give it my all. If it doesn't work this time I can let her go with love and know that we were not meant to be, that we were put in each other's life to teach each other something, to learn something, and to fade away. I am going into this knowing that may be what comes to pass. You have learned as well, take that with you. Today is the first day of your new life, a new direction. From struggles and hardship comes true enlightenment and happiness of self. 2
BustedUpInside Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I'm just so ashamed of myself. I've got to go through the break up all over again, the constant going over every little thing in my head until I feel like I'm going to pass out, the anxiety, the depression, the loss of appetite, the sleepless nights wondering what he's up to, the crying like a baby, the waking up every morning feeling sick, the battle of NC, the 'I'll just send one last meassge, just incase he took the last one wrong' I'll be feeling all this while he feels nothing. It makes me cringe, I'm just a pest to him. Please don't be too hard on yourself. You can't blame yourself for trying to fix something that you believed was worth it. What if it had worked out, what if you had said no and missed out. You can't really know what is going to happen until you make a decision. In your particular situation, it turned out to be the wrong decision, but you couldn't possibly have known that until it actually turned out badly. That being said, now you have a better idea of what you should do. You know that you already were on the road to recovery and so you can definitely do it again. You also know that no matter what he says, what he texts, what he emails, it is not going to be a good relationship. Just stay strong and try to be kind to yourself. A lot of people would have made the same decision as you and I bet if you heard their story you wouldn't be nearly as hard on them as you are being on you 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 I just feel so stupid. I kept on when I knew he was losing interest. It really does make me cringe. I actually don't want to be me anymore because I'm so ashamed. If I feel this way about me then god knows what he must feel, he must be laughing.
crazy1234 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 You will all probably read this and sigh and think 'Well it's your own fault' Which it is. Ever heard of that saying 'Never **** on your own doorstep' Well that is exactly what I done. We split up in January and as you all know I was on here for a good two months, asking for advice, venting ect. I didn't cope at all but I did go NC in the end and was actually getting over him some what. It didn't feel like it at the time but looking back now, I was getting there. He would throw me breadcrumbs every couple of weeks but I stopped reacting to them and was able to ignore him. Yes it hurt, but I knew I'd feel worse if I replied. I had some control over my feelings and it felt good. So, he realised that I was doing okay without him when I stopped with the emails, texts and begging....Then he done the one thing that I longed him to do for two months....He begged me to talk to him. And I caved, we spoke for hours and it was actually me saying 'Things won't change' I fell for every promise. We both agreed to see how things go, and things were great for the first month. I made sure I kept my feet on groud though and didn't allow myself to get carried away. But he slowly slipped back into his old habbits, we would argue, he'd give me the silent treatmeant for days, he was never in the wrong, took me for granted, resented doing or saying anything nice to me, ect. I should have ended it there, but I didn't, I couldn't. I just kept reminding myself of how bad I felt when he wasn't in my life. Last night he ended it. Again. We haven't been getting on, at all. He sent me a very cold message, something like 'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again' Here I am, back a square one. I feel more out of control this time. I feel stupid and absolutely worthless! Why the **** did I do it! I would have been fine by now! But no, I've got to go through the whole break up again. I feel so mind ****ed! So for everyone that wants their ex back, DON'T DO IT! It doesn't work, no matter how much you both want it to. Yes, it will feel amazing once they're back in you life but things will soon start to go down hill. I'm an idiot. A worthless idiot. I have made the same mistake..going back to my ex..IT IS the biggest mistake of my life which i think i will always regret..please all of you out there..DON'T go back to ur exs..and lostgirl11..u'r not the only one who made this mistake..its okay as long as we learn from them..u'll be fine dear..its only a matter of time..give time some time. 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 How could he end it so coldly? 'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again' How cruel! He must have really hated me...
Addison312 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 You should change your number ASAP. Second chances are, IMO, an opportunity for the dumper to shove the knife in a little deeper. So not necessary. 3
cavalier99 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Bummer. Sorry. Youll be fine, it will just take some time to get your self esteem back up. Hope you feel better. Just dont cave and contact or answer him if he reaches out. Cav 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Bummer. Sorry. Youll be fine, it will just take some time to get your self esteem back up. Hope you feel better. Just dont cave and contact or answer him if he reaches out. Cav He won't, he said that I won't hear from him again....That stings so bad. 1
cavalier99 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 He won't, he said that I won't hear from him again....That stings so bad. If thats truly the case (and they almost never stick with it) it is a blessing in disguise. Block him for good measure to eliminate all hope and speed your recovery!. Cav 2
etires562 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 like cav says, just block the guy...obviously he never appreciated you so dont beat yourself up over this guy. 1
Exitleft Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I feel like I have no control over my feelings. It hurts so bad because he isn't even bothered. He ended it so easily and is probably getting on with his day and not giving me a second thought, yet here I am feeling sick, knowing I have a long time of feeling like this. Aw sweetheart, I did the EXACT same thing as you. Gave another chance and here I am the one in all the pain. You and I both will get to a better place, first day is the worst, every day you inch toward regaining yourself. Idk how to pm but I am here if you like. I plan to keep busy starting tomorrow. Today I just want to stay in bed and be by myself, feel better. I know it hurts.
moneyneversleeps Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 This should be closure for you.. Almost everyone deserves a second chance(within reason). Be glad you tried, and now you are sure. I would do anything to get a second chance, however i understand that BOTH parties will need to work hard at it. Well done for trying now move on.
Author LostGirl11 Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 Thanks everyone. I just feel numb today, though I'm crying I can't actually feel it. Ok, we're obviously aren't meant to be together and one of us had to put an end to it but I just can't get over how he done it 'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again' Why so cold? I did reply and agreed with him and I also let him know that he took me for granted and has been treating me like a doormat.... No reply from him. Nothing.
LostOne1 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 You will all probably read this and sigh and think 'Well it's your own fault' Which it is. Ever heard of that saying 'Never **** on your own doorstep' Well that is exactly what I done. We split up in January and as you all know I was on here for a good two months, asking for advice, venting ect. I didn't cope at all but I did go NC in the end and was actually getting over him some what. It didn't feel like it at the time but looking back now, I was getting there. He would throw me breadcrumbs every couple of weeks but I stopped reacting to them and was able to ignore him. Yes it hurt, but I knew I'd feel worse if I replied. I had some control over my feelings and it felt good. So, he realised that I was doing okay without him when I stopped with the emails, texts and begging....Then he done the one thing that I longed him to do for two months....He begged me to talk to him. And I caved, we spoke for hours and it was actually me saying 'Things won't change' I fell for every promise. We both agreed to see how things go, and things were great for the first month. I made sure I kept my feet on groud though and didn't allow myself to get carried away. But he slowly slipped back into his old habbits, we would argue, he'd give me the silent treatmeant for days, he was never in the wrong, took me for granted, resented doing or saying anything nice to me, ect. I should have ended it there, but I didn't, I couldn't. I just kept reminding myself of how bad I felt when he wasn't in my life. Last night he ended it. Again. We haven't been getting on, at all. He sent me a very cold message, something like 'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again' Here I am, back a square one. I feel more out of control this time. I feel stupid and absolutely worthless! Why the **** did I do it! I would have been fine by now! But no, I've got to go through the whole break up again. I feel so mind ****ed! So for everyone that wants their ex back, DON'T DO IT! It doesn't work, no matter how much you both want it to. Yes, it will feel amazing once they're back in you life but things will soon start to go down hill. I'm an idiot. A worthless idiot. I gotta give you props for trying again. Why? Because now you are 110% sure it wouldn't have worked. And now you can move one easily knowing you DID try again. Sometimes second chances work and people learn and grow. Sometimes it doesn't work and neither grows or learns or is compatible. So keep your head up high and know you did your very best. You 2 just were not compatible. That means someone else out there is waiting for you. Hopefully time and life will throw this new person at you in the future.
LostOne1 Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Thanks everyone. I just feel numb today, though I'm crying I can't actually feel it. Ok, we're obviously aren't meant to be together and one of us had to put an end to it but I just can't get over how he done it 'Having a relationship shouldn't be this hard, you won't hear from me again' Why so cold? I did reply and agreed with him and I also let him know that he took me for granted and has been treating me like a doormat.... No reply from him. Nothing. It's always cold.. how else can someone end a relationship. Usually it's very cold from 1 or both sides. All I can say is let it go now. It didn't work you tried it.. Let him be cold, the thing is what you say to him won't matter. He doesn't care. Just make sure the next guy doesn't treat you the same way. And I know some guy out there will love you a lot.
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