the one i think i love left me for his ex to see if itll work HELP

October 2, 2004

[color=darkblue][/color]i dont know what to do i was with someone for almost 2 months and he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 yrs 10 months ago and he saw her like 3 wks ago and he broke up with me because he says that he still loves her but i think the only reason why she wanted him back was bc she found out that he had another girlfriend and she wanted something she thought she couldnt have. he keeps telling me he wants to try with her but he still really cares about me and he keeps saying how perfect we both are too him and that im so beautiful and have her beat and our relationship is so much better then his and hers could ever be but he still wants to try and make it work with her because they had something so special. i keep getting told to not talk to him but i cant help it and it just makes me sick thinking of them too being together after he told me he was falling in love with me PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! tell me what to do with this situation should i just let him realize what hes missing and get hurt or just be his friend like he wants?

October 2, 2004

Originally posted by love the gypsy87
[color=darkblue][/color]i dont know what to do i was with someone for almost 2 months and he broke up with his girlfriend of 3 yrs 10 months ago and he saw her like 3 wks ago and he broke up with me because he says that he still loves her but i think the only reason why she wanted him back was bc she found out that he had another girlfriend and she wanted something she thought she couldnt have. he keeps telling me he wants to try with her but he still really cares about me and he keeps saying how perfect we both are too him and that im so beautiful and have her beat and our relationship is so much better then his and hers could ever be but he still wants to try and make it work with her because they had something so special. i keep getting told to not talk to him but i cant help it and it just makes me sick thinking of them too being together after he told me he was falling in love with me PLEASE HELP ME!!!!! tell me what to do with this situation should i just let him realize what hes missing and get hurt or just be his friend like he wants?

Rebound...

I'm sorry you're hurting. This guy had been in the relationship with this other girl for 3 years... I'm going to guess that she broke things off with him, and he's never gotten over it.

It really doesn't matter what her motive is for wanting him back... HE made the choice to break up with you to try to work things out with her.

I think it's very unfair of him to continue to tell you how the relationship he HAD with you was so much better than what he's got now.... because if he honestly meant that and believed it then he would be with you. IMHO he is telling you these things so you can be his back up plan just in case it doesn't work out with this other girl again.

When people tell you not to talk to him anymore, it's because they can see you're being used, and you're being played. It isn't that you CAN'T help it.... it's that you DON'T WANT TO. You are in control of what you choose to do.

Don't continue to sweat this guy. He has made his choice in who he is going to be with. I know it hurts a lot, and it's very painful to let go but you really deserve someone who wants to be with YOU... not someone who is telling you how perfect you are as they are dating someone else.

I wouldn't even try to be his friend right now, you need time and distance from him to gain perspective and start feeling better about yourself.

October 2, 2004

I too am sorry that you are going through this...I have to agree with the above post, however. It sounds like he wants to have you around in case things don't work out with his ex. When I first met my fiance, his ex wife, who left HIM, called and called, and even went so far as to tell him that she was pregnant from a one night stand that they had 4! months before. It turned out to be a lie, luckily. But the point is, that as soon as she found out he was HAPPY, she felt rejected. He was supposed to be pining over her still! I told my fiance that maybe he should try to work things out (they had a small child together) and that maybe she is realizing she made a mistake. He refused, and 3 years later, we are still together. You know the old saying, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours to keep. If it doesn't , it wasn't meant to be." Well, something like that, anyway (I sound like George Bush!) IMHO, you should let him go. I know you fell in love with him, and he's told you all of these wonderful things, but TRUE LOVE needs time to grow...Having only been together 2 months, the love and respect hasn't had much time to grow. He obviously isn't ready to be in a committed relationship with you right now. I agree with your friends-don't call him, and don't accept his calls, at least for a while...Don't let him use you! Find other things to do, and date people-don't rush into anything, though! Be good to yourself...You know, at least he's being honest with you and not sleeping with her behind your back!!

I wish you the best of luck!!!

October 2, 2004

So he left you for another. One with a half as special relationship as your guys?

I don't think so. If you were two times more special than his ex then he'd be with you. I know it hurt to think of (the two of) them because she won. She took from you what she failed to keep.

Think of it this way - would you rather him stay with you while thinking about you?

It hurts right now. It will probably hurt for a long time, but it might not be wise to be his friend, because everytime you see him or THEM together you'll probably still keep hurting. If you realize now that he lost a good thing, and went back to something that didn't work the first time, and PROBABLY wont work the second time, it will honestly be better for YOU in the long run.

So, right now, think about what better for you. If that happens to be keeping him in your life no matter how much it hurts to see him with another, then you can be his friend. But, I'd say (it's) not a good idea.

However, it's really up to you...

Good luck.

October 3, 2004

see i know and understand all of this already but its the fact that he wants to be friends with me but continues to tell me im perfect and that their relationship was never good so he has to TRY to make it work

i dont understand how you could want to be with someone who bitches at you for everything, cheats on you, lies to you, doesnt want to ever have fun she slept with a bunch of guys while they were broken up and he asked her about it and she lied but he found out and she finally told him it was only one guy but his best friend said that it was more and this girl told his best friend about everything

i dont know why he can just throw our relationship away for someone that hurt him so bad even though she was his first love

please let me know why he did this and is putting the both of us through this now

(if your a guy please i would really appreciate a guys point of view right now)

(not just guys tho)

October 3, 2004

I agree with Dizi. It sounds like he wants you around incase it doesn't work out with the Ex.

Messing around with your head. Making sure you think there is still hope the relationship can still work out. I've been there. I hate it when they keep saying "You make me happy and I have really deep feelings for you" when they don't really mean it and are not being honest with you.

That was the same with my Ex. He left me to go back to his Ex Girlfriend. She was into everything that was bad. I was the complete opposite. They always seem to go back to the bitches that take everything away from them. I am a little confused by that too.

I say don't be friends with him. You will keep getting hurt if you do. He will just keep running back to you when there is trouble with him and his Girlfriend. Back and forth. Back and forth. You don't really want to deal with that and be in relationship with too many complications.

You don't want someone who is always gonna be thinking about someone else in a relationship.

I say think about whats better for you too. Move on and look for someone out there that can give you the relationship that you deserve.

October 3, 2004

Originally posted by love the gypsy87
see i know and understand all of this already but its the fact that he wants to be friends with me but continues to tell me im perfect and that their relationship was never good so he has to TRY to make it work

i dont understand how you could want to be with someone who bitches at you for everything, cheats on you, lies to you, doesnt want to ever have fun she slept with a bunch of guys while they were broken up and he asked her about it and she lied but he found out and she finally told him it was only one guy but his best friend said that it was more and this girl told his best friend about everything

i dont know why he can just throw our relationship away for someone that hurt him so bad even though she was his first love

please let me know why he did this and is putting the both of us through this now
(if your a guy please i would really appreciate a guys point of view right now)
(not just guys tho)

To begin with, there are 3 sides to every story... HIS side, HER side and what ACTUALLY happened.

Just because he told you (after the break up in which she broke up with him) that she was bitchy, cheated on him, lied to him, never wanted to have any fun ect. doesn't make it true. If she was so bad, why didn't he break up with her? See, now that doesn't even make any kind of sense.

Secondly, what kind of reasonable sense would it make for him to TRY so hard to make things work a second time around with her... think about what you're saying... he says she is so damn awful but he is just making a sacrafice somehow to do the right thing? The right thing for who? Sorry, but I've seen, been through and know people who even when they had little people together and the relationship ended, they didn't feel the need to jump back into the sh*tty relationship EVEN though they had kids together... know why? Because the relationship REALLY did suck and they don't want to put themselves through it again.

I'm not a guy... but common sense tells you that this guy isn't suffering in being with her, he is making you suffer trying to hold on to you incase his girlfriend decides to dump him again. That isn't okay.

October 4, 2004

i know i have no reason to believe him but i can see right through that boy and he told me many a time that he was falling in love with me and that scared him bc he thought that would ruin his relationship with his ex but i really do belive that he feels that way. i keep thinking that hes going to realize that they arent supposed to be together and im kind of okay with everything now bc (i know it sounds so conceited) i know that im better than her for him

they did have a good relationship but thats the thing he knows that it wont be perfect like he wants it to be but he wants to see if they are right for each other and i really do want to be there when he finds out that their not but i dont want to be put 2nd so should i let him know that ill be here or should i just tell him ill be there for him if he needs me

i know its dumb but i really feel in my heart that he cares about me and does want to be with me but he just doesnt know what he wants right now. i know i should just let go but he really is my PERFECT guy you wouldnt be able to begin to imagine the way we are together and i know that he he needs to figure things out but i jsut need to know if i should be there when he wants me back, like i know that i shouldnt seem desperate but i dont want to seem like i dont ever want him bc i do but im scared it might take to long and i give up.

please help me im rambling now should i be there when he wants me back or not bc i do believe that we are ment for each other but i dont want to be made into a fool oooo please just give me advice any advice on this

October 4, 2004

Originally posted by love the gypsy87
i know i have no reason to believe him but i can see right through that boy and he told me many a time that he was falling in love with me and that scared him bc he thought that would ruin his relationship with his ex but i really do belive that he feels that way. i keep thinking that hes going to realize that they arent supposed to be together and im kind of okay with everything now bc (i know it sounds so conceited) i know that im better than her for him

they did have a good relationship but thats the thing he knows that it wont be perfect like he wants it to be but he wants to see if they are right for each other and i really do want to be there when he finds out that their not but i dont want to be put 2nd so should i let him know that ill be here or should i just tell him ill be there for him if he needs me

i know its dumb but i really feel in my heart that he cares about me and does want to be with me but he just doesnt know what he wants right now. i know i should just let go but he really is my PERFECT guy you wouldnt be able to begin to imagine the way we are together and i know that he he needs to figure things out but i jsut need to know if i should be there when he wants me back, like i know that i shouldnt seem desperate but i dont want to seem like i dont ever want him bc i do but im scared it might take to long and i give up.

please help me im rambling now should i be there when he wants me back or not bc i do believe that we are ment for each other but i dont want to be made into a fool oooo please just give me advice any advice on this

Please, please, pleaaassee listen to me...

It isn't that HE doesn't know what he wants right now.. it is that YOU aren't willing to accept that it isn't you he wants. I'm sorry to sound harsh here.. but if he ISN'T with YOU and he IS with HER.. then it is safe to assume that is where he wants to be and whom he wants to be with.

My Goodness even in your first paragraph here you've said that he told you he was afraid of getting to close to you to begin with because he didn't want to ruin his chances with his EX.. Whhhaaattt? Sorry, but IF this guy was that into you to begin with, for real those words would've NEVER passed his lips to your ears.

You keep saying "but he told me he was falling in love with me" and while thats all well and good... what about what he had been telling his currant girlfriend for the past 3 Years?! He told her he loved her... and he tells her he still loves her now..

You don't know IF he will ever want to get back together with you... and think about this.. even IF things don't work out with her this time and he comes back to you.. is that going to be okay with you that he is only there because you are his 2nd choice.. and who's to say he won't break up with you again so he can see if things could work one last time?

Here is a quote from the book "He's just not that into you"

"Don't be flattered that he misses you. He should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, he's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason he can miss you is because he's choosing, every day, not to be with you."

When you start having a need to wait around for someone to come to thier senses that you're wonderful... it is time to let go and move on.

October 4, 2004

I agree with Merin2. He is making you suffer. Trying to hold on to you. Don't fall for what he says. If I were you I would cut off all contact with this guy. I did with my Ex in the end. After a lot of harsh Text Messages to him and his girlfriend.

If you keep up hanging onto hope you will only be more miserable and hurt.

Let go and move on. It will be hard. My brake up took weeks to get over. You will get over it in the end though. You just have to let yourself too.

It is pretty obvious that this was one relationship that I have regretted having but I was glad that I ended moving on.

Now I am in a relationship without these kind of problems. Trust me it's like a breath of fresh air. Hopefully the same thing happens to you if you decide to move on.

October 8, 2004

well i did stop talking to him and i think he realized that im actually ok now and now hes telling me that hes so confused and he knos wat he lost and he keeps getting all xcited bc my bday is coming up. i dont kno if i should believe him or not and he just came over for like an hour and we talked and had fun and it sounds so dumb but he looked me right in my eyes when we were talking and i saw that he was hurt that i wanted to move on. he told me that he does love his girl now but that he really wants to be with me but he just has to see if its really over and shes already pissing him off. he keeps telling me he misses me and he cant stop thinking about me even when hes with her. I KNOW he wants me and how he really feels and that we should be together but i dont know how to xplain that to him bc he keeps saying well i love (her name) but thats the only reason he wants her (bc he loves her) not bc they have such a great time together or bc he thinks shes perfect . he just got done telling me that me and him are perfect together. i really do belive that he doesnt want me just for his backup (hes never been like that) i just need to kno wat to say to him about this

i cant just give up on this bc i KNOW that we both want to be with each other but he just is very scared to be with someone thats not her

October 8, 2004

Maybe she just wants him because he was unavailable all of a sudden, but obviously he still cares for her after so long he still wants to be with her. They have history together and that's probably what makes her so special to him. At least he is being honest with you and not doing things behind your back or just leaving you without any explanation. You have no control over his feelings and you cannot make him have feelings for you or make him stop having feelings for her.

Hopefully one day you will find someone who will go goo goo ga ga for you. You cannot force someone to be with you if they want someone else.

Good Luck.

October 8, 2004

Originally posted by love the gypsy87
well i did stop talking to him and i think he realized that im actually ok now and now hes telling me that hes so confused and he knos wat he lost and he keeps getting all xcited bc my bday is coming up. i dont kno if i should believe him or not and he just came over for like an hour and we talked and had fun and it sounds so dumb but he looked me right in my eyes when we were talking and i saw that he was hurt that i wanted to move on. he told me that he does love his girl now but that he really wants to be with me but he just has to see if its really over and shes already pissing him off. he keeps telling me he misses me and he cant stop thinking about me even when hes with her. I KNOW he wants me and how he really feels and that we should be together but i dont know how to xplain that to him bc he keeps saying well i love (her name) but thats the only reason he wants her (bc he loves her) not bc they have such a great time together or bc he thinks shes perfect . he just got done telling me that me and him are perfect together. i really do belive that he doesnt want me just for his backup (hes never been like that) i just need to kno wat to say to him about this
i cant just give up on this bc i KNOW that we both want to be with each other but he just is very scared to be with someone thats not her

Considering I've posted on this 2x already.. and you are still seeing what you want to see, and believing what you want to believe.. I have nothing else to say.

I hope you see eventually what is going on, and eventually you understand that IF he wanted to be with you, HE WOULD BE.. and he isn't.

So, I will just leave you with I wish you well, and hope you don't get to hurt in all of this.

Good Luck

October 11, 2004

well......its so hard but ive realized that even if its not for good i know that this is better i just cant help the way i feel about him and its driving me nuts bc i know he feels the same but i told him this morning that i am done even trying to understand everything thats going on im so tired of getting hurt but oh well its a part of life i guess............i just hope that it gets better than what im feeling like now. i know im very stubborn but thank you all for helping me understand a little better ill keep you posted

October 11, 2004

Originally posted by love the gypsy87
well......its so hard but ive realized that even if its not for good i know that this is better i just cant help the way i feel about him and its driving me nuts bc i know he feels the same but i told him this morning that i am done even trying to understand everything thats going on im so tired of getting hurt but oh well its a part of life i guess............i just hope that it gets better than what im feeling like now. i know im very stubborn but thank you all for helping me understand a little better ill keep you posted

Awe...

Well Girl, I hope you feel better soon.. you really do deserve better than that.

Good Luck

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