Friend caused a fight between my girlfriend and I and she doesn't know, do I tell her

[Depth]

So last week, I was at a mutual friends house (friend is both friends with my and my gf) and we were drinking.

 

Basically he has broken up with his gf recently and we were drinking together. While drinking, he managed to somehow influence me and told me that I need to set my foot down with my gf.

 

Keep in mind that I had a small argument with my gf earlier in the day but she had already gotten over it.

 

With combination of alcohol and influence, I was on the phone with my gf an hour later when all the sudden, I bring the previous argument up again and she says "I was over it until you brought it back up, I'm done with this, bye"

 

Basically afterwards, I called 3-4 times until she finally picked up and I told her I had been drinking and that I'm really sorry.

 

It's a week later and she is still upset but she doesn't know the whole truth.

 

 

Would telling her that our friend influenced me make it worse or just make me look like a tool?

 

Should I let it go or tell her? The friend obviously wants to break us ip

 

-depth

[ShannAT]

Considering both of you were drinking, it may not help telling her that he cooked the idea up, both you and your friend weren't thinking clearly. I think if she got over it before, she'll probably get over it again.

 

You can mention generally when you guys are talking, that your friend has been bitter lately since his break up. It's sort of like warning her that he's capable of trying to start ****, but without fueling a prior argument she's still not over.

 

Hopefully I helped to some extent, good luck!

[Depth]

Considering both of you were drinking, it may not help telling her that he cooked the idea up, both you and your friend weren't thinking clearly. I think if she got over it before, she'll probably get over it again.

 

You can mention generally when you guys are talking, that your friend has been bitter lately since his break up. It's sort of like warning her that he's capable of trying to start ****, but without fueling a prior argument she's still not over.

 

Hopefully I helped to some extent, good luck!

 

When I apologized to her, I basically took full blame and said its my fault for saying that. She's still not over it yet and although this is our first major fight, I feel our distance growing.

 

Perhaps giving her the reason would make her realize that it wasnt coming from me?

[TaraMaiden]

Write yourself a new rule, and tattoo it somewhere prominent:

 

never make drunk-calls when you've fallen out with someone.

 

I love the fact that you're piling on the responsibility of why you made the call to your GF, onto your friend.

 

How he 'somehow influenced' you.

 

That's so utterly idiotic.

If you hadn't been drunk, you wouldn't have called.

 

he didn't influence you.

What, did he dial the number and hand you the 'phone?

Did he say to you, "Go on, call her - tell her what a bitch she was..."...?

 

No.

I bet you just called her on an inebriated whim.

 

If you blame anything blame your drunken self.

 

It was your decision to ring her, no matter how much he 'somehow influenced' you.

 

You did it because you chose to, and wanted to.

Don't put this on anyone else's shoulders.

Take responsibility.

 

Otherwise, you're the kind of guy who, maybe some time down the line, would have an affair and will tell everyone "she somehow influenced me to put my dick inside her.... Should I tell my wife this woman influenced me?"

 

Grow a pair and own it.

You made the call.

The fault, young man, is all yours.

[pcplod]

...make it worse or and just make me look like a tool?

 

Should I let it go or tell her?

 

I think you know that you have it in one. Don't refer to it again if you think it is finished business and your girl-friend really has put it behind her. If the subject does come up again, just tell her that under the influence if alcohol your better judgement temporarily deserted you.

 

However, it does sound as if your girl-friend might be a bit of a drama queen as well. That is no good to either you or her.

 

One key rule about asserting yourself is to focus on the future, not by revisiting history. Let bygones be bygones, strike while the iron is hot, and all that palaver?

 

Another key rule about asserting yourself is not about shouting loudest or last during an argument. In fact it is about getting over your point of view clearly, calmly, lucidly and logically. It is about accepting there may be certain validity to the feelings of the other person but that either it is still wrong and or not helpful. You must be able to justify any opinion as to why it is wrong or not helpful.

 

Most such disputes usually leave the parties concerned stil having different views on the subject but it should leave them both feeling that their views, opinions and values have been heard, understood and accepted for what they are, even if there is still no agreement. That then hopefully leaves an opportunity for both parties to accede to a compromise without feeling that they have been trampled over.

[TaraMaiden]

When I apologized to her, I basically took full blame and said its my fault for saying that. She's still not over it yet and although this is our first major fight, I feel our distance growing.

 

Perhaps giving her the reason would make her realize that it wasnt coming from me?

But it DID come from you!

 

Don't use a scapegoat as an excuse!

Take responsibility for your own actions!

 

How old are you guys, BtW??

[Depth]

I'm 23 and she's 28

[TaraMaiden]

You know, I really, honestly thought you were going to tell me you weren't out of your teens yet.

 

You're acting like a juvenile, really, you are.

 

And I hate to give you an honest-to-goodness biological fact, but she sounds far more mature than you are, and frankly, there's a reason for that.

 

It's because she is.

 

You're not 'fully done' yet....

 

You need to do one of two things:

Either cut her loose and find someone more on a par with your level of thinking,

 

or

 

Do some growing up.

You can't change biology, but you can think twice before succumbing to foolishness.

[ChessPieceFace]

The friend obviously wants to break us up

 

Then he isn't your friend.

 

What was he telling you to "put your foot down" about? What was the fight about? You gave almost no info. It kind of matters, whether your GF is blowing up over nothing, or over justified reasons.

[Star Gazer]

Tell your girlfriend that you were influenced to disrespect her because of something your friend said? Do you think a mature man would be so influenced?

 

Think again about whether you think this is a good idea.

 

Take ownership of your disrespect, and don't do it again. And tell your "friend" to STFU when it comes to your relationship.