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how can I have my family back? Single mom's life would be hard?

thomashome

By thomashome
in Separation and Divorce

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thomashome Member

thomashome

Posted
Posted

This is my second post. I have separated with my husband for two months now and he filed a divorce at that time we just separated.

 

Things are getting better around me even though I have to deal with a legal process. Today we even coordinated my son'd school functions without fights, actually we can't fight because of such a limitted contacts- no email,, no texts, no calls, only we communicate through lawyers and whenever I pick my son from our family home on my visitation. Today my son's preschool's parents/teachers conference and dinner party at school. he went to conference and I went a dinner party at school. It went well despite my worries (it was the first time me attending all by myself). seemed all both parents attended today. I didn't like being myself alone without my husband. I enjoyed myself tho, so did my son. One of mom told me her daughter excited for this Sunday. so I said what is it? she said my son will be at her house for a playdate (that my husband planed with them recently). I was quickly responding to hide the fact that we are living apart. I didn't tell anybody we separated.

 

what should I do? part of me don't want to get divorced. I still don't like what he did to me in the past and his negatives thoughts toward me. but I can't imagine living as a single mom like this in the future. it is very depressing.

 

Of course I don't feel wanting to live with him right now but I just hope us to have cool off time now in order to get back together in the future. and hope that this separation give us opportunity to heal our hurt. His lawyer said he is not in a rush to process a D right now, and he hasn't completely ruled out the possiblity of reconciliation. but he wasnts a division process.

 

my family don't like his destructive ways of handling our conflicts. it hurt me in many ways and I am still dealing with issues from my RN board caused by his action. but he justified it as "defense" I think many controlling people use law enforcement to satisfiy his emotional needs, controlling. I think they have to control their environment.

 

Anyway, in short, by knowing everything is not perfect, has both good and bad. I want my family back. what should I do this moment during a divorce process under limitted contacts (we will modify some of contact options in near future for saving lawyer fees), so will allow emails and texts etc..

 

what should I do to save a marriage!

 

Any your thoughs much appreciated!

dreamingoftigers Established Member

dreamingoftigers

Posted
Posted
This is my second post. I have separated with my husband for two months now and he filed a divorce at that time we just separated.

 

Things are getting better around me even though I have to deal with a legal process. Today we even coordinated my son'd school functions without fights, actually we can't fight because of such a limitted contacts- no email,, no texts, no calls, only we communicate through lawyers and whenever I pick my son from our family home on my visitation. Today my son's preschool's parents/teachers conference and dinner party at school. he went to conference and I went a dinner party at school. It went well despite my worries (it was the first time me attending all by myself). seemed all both parents attended today. I didn't like being myself alone without my husband. I enjoyed myself tho, so did my son. One of mom told me her daughter excited for this Sunday. so I said what is it? she said my son will be at her house for a playdate (that my husband planed with them recently). I was quickly responding to hide the fact that we are living apart. I didn't tell anybody we separated.

 

what should I do? part of me don't want to get divorced. I still don't like what he did to me in the past and his negatives thoughts toward me. but I can't imagine living as a single mom like this in the future. it is very depressing.

 

Of course I don't feel wanting to live with him right now but I just hope us to have cool off time now in order to get back together in the future. and hope that this separation give us opportunity to heal our hurt. His lawyer said he is not in a rush to process a D right now, and he hasn't completely ruled out the possiblity of reconciliation. but he wasnts a division process.

 

my family don't like his destructive ways of handling our conflicts. it hurt me in many ways and I am still dealing with issues from my RN board caused by his action. but he justified it as "defense" I think many controlling people use law enforcement to satisfiy his emotional needs, controlling. I think they have to control their environment.

 

Anyway, in short, by knowing everything is not perfect, has both good and bad. I want my family back. what should I do this moment during a divorce process under limitted contacts (we will modify some of contact options in near future for saving lawyer fees), so will allow emails and texts etc..

 

what should I do to save a marriage!

 

Any your thoughs much appreciated!

 

Personally Divorce Busters helped me a lot with a really destructive separation.

 

I kind of know where you are. My husband left me alone and was really *Really* difficult to deal with. Then when he left, I could catch my breath, but it was lonely and depressing as well. But I learned to make my own happiness and it was great.

 

We ended up reconciling, but I am doubtful a lot. I am going to call them again and see if I have kind of hit the "threshold."

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thomashome Member

thomashome

Posted
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Posted

Dreamingoftigers, Thanks for your words! I understand that you learned to make your own happiness without your husband. I am trying to do that now. actually without his arguing with me I feel much content now, but part of me still want to my own complete family.

 

how did you guys end up reconciling? Thank's good. Wondering how it happens after separation/divorce. Good for you!

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thomashome Member

thomashome

Posted
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Posted (edited)

Hi Rosas,

Thanks for your responses. You are right. I just started a individual conseling for my self regardless of concerning reconcilation. I still hope he goes to see a therapy,, but I know he deosn't think he needs to go (he think he is fine I am the one having problems).

 

Anyway, I have mixed feeling about this happening now. I just dropped my son off at family home this morning. I felt somewhat bad, I found myself not like him right now when I talked with him about my son's stuff. I asked him (throu lawyers) not to disclose about our separation/divorce to school yet. He seemed to talk to teacher already at teacher/parent conference. I felt difficult to not be able to compromise stuff with him. I am not ready to talk about our situation to everybody yet. And he is more trying to be active with other parents like playdates and bbq party with neighbors without me.(he didn't do much before) I found him to try to live without me. and make people to his side. I even felt he is dangerous to me. He certainly doesn't care about me. Somewhat sad.. He still lives in house (he said he would do buy out a house in a division). trying to get all himself. We will see how would be going to be happened. of course he is not making enough money to do that now he will certainly borrow money from his mom (big divorce supporter). his sister even couldn't get divorced without her (all the lawyer fees and baby sitting). my mother in law supports her kids to be a single. i think she is very weird. she is selfish too. she is a widow so she is lonely so she wants her adult kids around her house all the time. I don't want to talk about her any more actually made me sick.. I know I am just venting now.

 

My goal is I need to find the better job, better pay. and do stuff for myself like exercise and maybe learn yoga or Ballet. will talk and contact to people that I haven't talked much before because of being busy with family in the past.

 

My emotions are so mixed. hate, angry, love, frustarted,.. but today, I didn't like him but I know I still want to work on a marriage with him. So grey..

Edited by thomashome
Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted

How exactly does that work? How do you parent children and sustain a marriage with someone you don't like and can't stand to be around ? Seems like you'd be be better off apart ...

 

Mr. Lucky

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  • 2 weeks later...
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thomashome Member

thomashome

Posted
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Posted

Mr luck you might be right! We can't live together. The other day I got a letter from nursing board regarding a citation/fine and possible disciplinary action. I don't have any criminal conviction even though my husband made me look bad as an abuser by filing police reports several times but my nursing board seems take this seriously. My licensing lawyer said it would be take long to resolve thus and I can move forward with my career. I am very worried about this if there is anything wrong.. I am getting angry at him that he tried to destroy my life. I have been doing good with a new apt and my son and felt happier without conflicts with my husband any more. But here I am. I have another issue

 

If I lose my RN job (since 1997 when I graduated), there would be no life to me!

He is certainly destroying my life.

 

I will contact my licensing lawyer this Monday but not sure I have to keep working with him. He should have been able to prevent from this happening, if he did defense well.

I don't know. I am so sad. Should I let him know my situations to my husband through my family attorney. He verbalize that he didn't want me to lose my job because of child support and overall division process.

 

He doesn't know what he have done to me and our family. He had the one who has a full of anger, this anger acted out in a destructive way. So frustrated and worried

Jon Tenzo Established Member

Jon Tenzo

Posted
Posted
Mr luck you might be right! We can't live together. The other day I got a letter from nursing board regarding a citation/fine and possible disciplinary action. I don't have any criminal conviction even though my husband made me look bad as an abuser by filing police reports several times but my nursing board seems take this seriously. My licensing lawyer said it would be take long to resolve thus and I can move forward with my career. I am very worried about this if there is anything wrong.. I am getting angry at him that he tried to destroy my life. I have been doing good with a new apt and my son and felt happier without conflicts with my husband any more. But here I am. I have another issue

 

If I lose my RN job (since 1997 when I graduated), there would be no life to me!

He is certainly destroying my life.

 

I will contact my licensing lawyer this Monday but not sure I have to keep working with him. He should have been able to prevent from this happening, if he did defense well.

I don't know. I am so sad. Should I let him know my situations to my husband through my family attorney. He verbalize that he didn't want me to lose my job because of child support and overall division process.

 

He doesn't know what he have done to me and our family. He had the one who has a full of anger, this anger acted out in a destructive way. So frustrated and worried

 

This seems like a big mess. If I am understanding correctly your husband was trying to make you lose your livelihood. Yet it sounds like he pulled back realizing he would have to pay more in child support?

 

I would avoid contact with him at all costs and contact a judge regarding the police reports. You need to contact the Nursing board directly and inform them of the situation. It may not solve the problem entirely but being proactive in a legal situation never hurt anyone. Aside from the fact that you may want to switch lawyers you need to talk with the judge (if there's one involved yet) in the divorce proceedings and let him know if you lose your license the child will not be fed, and the husband is intentionally conspiring to get your license revoked. This is a serious crime and he will be locked up for a few years if found guilty.

 

Either way I would under NO circumstances get back together with him again!

Mr. Lucky Established Member

Mr. Lucky

Posted
Posted

Or have any verbal contact with him, even thru his attorney He seems to be using any info he has against you...

 

Mr. Lucky

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thomashome Member

thomashome

Posted
  • Author
Posted
This seems like a big mess. If I am understanding correctly your husband was trying to make you lose your livelihood. Yet it sounds like he pulled back realizing he would have to pay more in child support?

 

I would avoid contact with him at all costs and contact a judge regarding the police reports. You need to contact the Nursing board directly and inform them of the situation. It may not solve the problem entirely but being proactive in a legal situation never hurt anyone. Aside from the fact that you may want to switch lawyers you need to talk with the judge (if there's one involved yet) in the divorce proceedings and let him know if you lose your license the child will not be fed, and the husband is intentionally conspiring to get your license revoked. This is a serious crime and he will be locked up for a few years if found guilty.

 

Either way I would under NO circumstances get back together with him again!

 

Yes he is trying to destroy my career and livelihood. But he is always reasoning "because..." He of course doesn't care about me. No guilty even tho there is an evil conspiracy plan. I feel he is dangerous to me

 

Thank goodness. My case is going to be closed with a citation. No further formal disciplinary action which is good. I am somewhat relieved.

Jon Tenzo Established Member

Jon Tenzo

Posted
Posted

Excellent. Now get a restraining order if possible to try and demonstrate he is the agitator in this situation.

 

Avoid direct contact at ALL costs.

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