d0620 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Today was my first official day of NC. Yesterday I went to the hospital without calling against his wishes. I went to pick up my IPAD but he wanted to keep it. I thought he would be upset about me showing up but instead he asked me to sit down for 20 minutes then kindly escorted me to the door (keeping my IPAD). I kinda just wanted to take it with me to get closure and close all doors but I know he is stuck in the hospital bed so I figured I would just get it in a few weeks after I am gone and doing better or I could have my friend go and pick it up after he is released from the hospital. I am torn because I don't know if he is this way because of the accident or he clearly wants me to go away but I made his decision for him and I am tired of him walking all over me. I just can't stop the tears. I am happy I have a long weekend to get myself together but the rejection hurts. He said I need to be patient because this is the worse accident he has ever been in and I should not expect that he would call me back. All I could do to refrain from drop kicking him in the hospital is grab my purse and go. For the very first time I really realized how much he has manipulated and taken advantage of me. Yet I still felt sorry for him. I bought him a $1,000 gift card to help him get his car fixed while most people bought flowers balloons and cards. I always pride myself in knowing what he needs but where did that get me? I have been in the bed all day today and I want to give myself one more day of mourning. I know I am doing the right thing I just feel bad because his accident was horrible... He has been in the hospital for a week.
mbee Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Hey, it will be alright. We are here for you. Okay, I see what you are doing and it's time to take the NC seriously and let him be. You take care of this guy a lot. That's a beautiful thing, especially in a relationship. However this guy is using the situation to continue having you take care of him. He kept YOUR IPAD? You gave him $1000 to get his car fixed?! Trust me, I loved being there for my ex, but after you break up, this has to stop. I think you said it yourself. You pride yourself on what he needs. He needs to stop being selfish and manipulative. I know he's been in a terrible accident but I'm going to tell you something that I really wish wasn't true. Many people often use accidents and sicknesses to continue a selfish, manipulative cycle. I had a step-dad who died from cancer. He used his cancer and the sickness to do terrible things to my mom and to our family and it was a constant excuse. It's super sad, because he died leaving that behind. I'm sorry he's hurting but it's not your responsibility to provide for him anymore. He kept the IPAD so you will come back and get it. I don't know why you gave him the $1000, but I expect it's more than just helping him out. I think you want to show how much you care and how valuable he should see you. I totally get it but you shouldn't have to dish out hundreds of dollars to show that. Leave him alone. If he wants you or cares about you, he'll show it and not use the accident as a reason to leave you hanging and to not call you back. Start looking out for yourself and not him. Trust me, I have seen adults do this to kind and caring people. It's really terrible to use unfortunate events as a reason to be hurtful and disrespectful. Stay strong with that NC and don't even go back for the IPAD. Last time I checked we could still ship packages. He's been in bed for a week but it's not critical if he could get up and walk you to the door. He'll be fine. Look out for yourself, you've shown how much you love and care for him. Don't waste anymore time on this.
Leigh 87 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Honey it's okay, I have lost a guy I am still in love with. I cry most days at some stage. He was everything to me, and I thought I would die without him; that is how close he was to me. Honestly though, if you have a good life and your a positive person with things to look forward to in life, then you will get through this. Time is the only thing that will heal out pain! We cannot stop loving them over night! Honestly, if you cut him off and move on without expecting to ever hear from him again, you will mourn the los but you WILL get over it. Time DOES heal. We are here for you to talk to for now, there are people on here who cry every day too and miss our exes terribly.
Author d0620 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 (edited) I want my IPAD back but I am not going to get it. I will send someone else to get it. I thought he was keeping it so I would have to get it one day but judging for how fast he kicked me out, he didn't want me there in the first place he was much too afraid that I might run into somebody else. It's interesting because if he knew he didn't love me in that way why would be even accept such a gift? I gave him the money because he not only hurt himself but he destroyed his car as well it was a wreck. He had broken ribs pictured liver etc.. So imagine the condition of his prize possession his car. I wanted to show him that his health was way more important than a car and cars can be fixed. The first 3 days of the accident he treated me nicely it was after that where everybody started visiting that things got cold and fishy. I don't care about the money. I lost it so I am over it. I care about my IPAD because I thought enough to think about him being bored at night and NOONE else did. I also have given him enough and don't have extra money to just go and buy myself another one. He is definitely using it and he doesn't care if he sees me again the IPAD is for his use no manipulation about it just plain selfishness. I thought about his car and no one else did I brought him stuff he actually needed socks toothpaste because I know what he likes and he basically accepted it all and dismissed me not even a call back when I just called to see if he were ok. NC is definitely in order. I took off work to take care of him and I thought it would be good bonding time for us since I was there at the accident again supporting him. Nope Now I feel like he somehow blames me for being there and don't want to see my face. I keep looking for explanations but the most thing I want is to disappear. Edited May 25, 2013 by d0620
Leigh 87 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 He is not in love with you and he does not have very strong feelings for you; that is why you can do all those nice things for him, without him being grateful. He would care about you on ONE level; but he does not care for you in the same way you care for him. That is why you do not get out what you put in from him. The good news is - you can move on and then be ready to date again, and find a guy who DOES Love you in the same way that you love him!
Author d0620 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 (edited) I get that he doesn't love me the same way. It just didn't seem that way during the first couple days of the accident. I guess now that he can see clearer he had come to his senses. I thought in some way he blamed me for being there and maybe it wouldn't had happened. I don't know. Either way, NC has become a hour by hour goal for me I haven't even made it to days yet. I find myself getting jealous of all the people who get to see and talked to him. I made an appointment with the therapist on Thursday because I know by then I am going to need it even more. I need to see a therapist to help me sort through the reason I stayed this long. Why would I accept such behavior. I can't even figure out for the life of me how or why I fell in love with him in the first place but I do know why it's time for me to cut my losses. Hour by hour... Edited May 25, 2013 by d0620
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