Leigh 87 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I am interested in discussing this topic with people, as I am really baffled at why people can do certain things. I am interested to here why people have done the thing that I am about to mention. How can people hop from relationship to relationship? And how is it that dudes seem to be able to "hook up" right after a seriously break up, as a means for them to "feel better" and lastly: is hooking up right away a guy thing that men do cos their mates encourage them to " get out there and enjoy themselves?" Do as many girls do this? ............................ I am baffled because: although I want to move on from my ex, I am still in love with him, and therefore giving my body to someone ELSE is NOT want I truly want. Being intimate with another person too soon after the break up would make me feel so much worse, as I am not getting what I WANT and I am replacing what I WANT with something less, that would only make me feel incredibly sad. It would only remind me how much I wanted my ex back. ........................... As for the moving from relationship to relationship. Don't you find that it does NOT give you time to learn to be strong and live happily on your own, without the need for another person? I found that I was incredibly dependant albeit HAPPY that I had the security of the relationship in my life; I LOVED having someone to come home to every day. I LOVED waiting for them to come home: I looked SO forward to hugging them in bed at night. The thing is... Aren't people kidding themselves if they believe that a new person can replace a great love they have lost? I think that it would be way healthier to learn how to be happy alone AFTER being in a relationship. It would be incredibly unhealthy to just jump into another relationship if you have not yet proved that your totally happy and okay with being alone first. I sort of think that they must have never realllllly seriously loved their ex, if they are able to move on and be all cuddly with a new person! OR you would have to be extremely messed up to seriously love a person, and then get together with a new person a week or even a month later! ............................................................... It will be over two months post break up when I go overseas to Russia and Europe to party with a bunch of young people. It will be well over two months since we last had sex. It will be a month and a half since we cut contact. I know I will be ready to at least hook up, as I will be used to being without him and his body. It already feels like a lifetime ago that we were last intimate anyway. ................................................................ How do you guys work? I know I will not even THINK about getting into another relationship until I see a therapist regularly to help me deal with my loss and to help me be a healthy adult in terms of my emotions and tendencies. It will take me months or therapy and learning to be really happy alone before I let the right guy in. 1
amaysngrace Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I think people who need to always be in a relationship are afraid to be by themselves because they don't like themselves much. They need to focus outward because they cannot focus inward and even avoid doing that. JMO 3
mbee Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 So true amaysngrace! That's what it is for my ex. He's so unhappy with himself and his life, he needs a new woman to give him that. He even wrote me a text message just an hour ago. I'm sure he's feeling lonely and needs that connection to know he has self-worth and value. I just pray and hope that these people will see what they are doing and change for themselves. It's a sick cycle that leads to hurting people, hurting themselves and a life full of broken relationships. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 That is one reason! The way I see it is: I will not be happy if I do not love myself enough to be really happy with life ALONE. Using other people to feel joy and not having any other avenue is so toxic. I can see how it is easy to let your self worth and happiness depend too heavily on a guy though; I forgot to work on my life when I was happy in love, cos well, I was SO in love and it sort of made me abandon my life. The thing is though: I know that I can be just as happy alone, and I will in fact NEVER be truly happy in a relationship if I let my life slip by again like I did with my ex, without working on it.
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