This might explain it....

[TaraMaiden]

...I learnt a new word, today:

 

You know how sometimes we get discussions, particularly posted by, shall we say, gentlemen who seem to have a bone to pick with some "Members Of The Fairer Sex" about how screwed these particular MOTFS are, because they tend to favour 'bad boys' and how some of them will bizarrely date convicted criminals, in prison, on death row....?

 

Well:

 

I watched a programme this evening which featured a section on 'Bonnie and Clyde' (you know, played attractively in the movie by Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty, respectively?)

Both actors were considerably better-looking than the people whose parts they played.....

 

It seems Bonnie really was a very educated woman. She wrote and recited poetry, she was quick-witted, intellectual, and actually probably didn't enact half as many of the violent acts one might have been led to believe that she did....

 

Even during their lifetimes, the couple's depiction in the press was at considerable odds with the hard-scrabble reality of their life on the road—particularly in the case of Parker. Though she was present at a hundred or more felonies during her two years as Barrow's companion,[2] she was not the machine gun-wielding cartoon killer portrayed in the newspapers, newsreels, and pulp detective magazines of the day. Gang member W. D. Jones was unsure whether he had ever seen her fire at officers.

 

Clyde, on the other hand, was a really, but really nasty piece of work. Vicious, sadistic, and at times, ruthless, cold-blooded and barbaric.

 

While in prison, Barrow beat to death another inmate who had repeatedly assaulted him sexually.[22] It was Clyde Barrow's first killing.

Paroled in February 1932, Barrow emerged from Eastham a hardened and bitter criminal. His sister Marie said "Something awful sure must have happened to him in prison, because he wasn't the same person when he got out." A fellow inmate, Ralph Fults, said he watched him "change from a schoolboy to a rattlesnake."

 

So what on earth made Clyde so attractive to Bonnie?

Why would a relatively peaceful, educated, well-schooled young lady, fall for a man of Clyde's calibre?

 

the answer may be that she was suffering from a mental disorder or condition, called -

 

(and here's the word I learnt today)

 

[highlight]Hybristophilia[/highlight]

 

It's far, far more common in women than in men. Nobody knows why it happens, or exactly what causes it (although there are countless speculations) but it is a recognised condition.

 

It is, as one might expect, also known as "Bonnie & Clyde Syndrome".

 

Next time we get the gentlemen knocking such behaviour, we can at least demonstrate there is a viable reason for it....

[Woggle]

Many cult members are highly educated as well. Sometimes people with book smarts can be the biggest idiots when it comes to life.

[TaraMaiden]

Cult leaders are highly charismatic, convincing and manipulative.

I swear there's probably a huge metal issue going on there too...

The main tool at their 'disposal' is Religion.

And for the most part, people with a profound Christian background are susceptible to such ministry.....so cult members/followers are suckered in.

 

But it's the adoration and adulation of hardened, mean, sadistic, murderous criminals, from people who are otherwise unconnected to them in any way, that is more the question here.....

[Woggle]

Cult leaders are highly charismatic, convincing and manipulative.

I swear there's probably a huge metal issue going on there too...

The main tool at their 'disposal' is Religion.

And for the most part, people with a profound Christian background are susceptible to such ministry.....so cult members/followers are suckered in.

 

But it's the adoration and adulation of hardened, mean, sadistic, murderous criminals, from people who are otherwise unconnected to them in any way, that is more the question here.....

 

These people tend to be very charismatic as well. How do you think they manage to lure so many victims to their demise?

 

It is also the lure of the dangerous. People who feel that their life is lacking excitement tend to be drawn to the darkside.

[xorro]

I too learned a word.. or phrase, really.

it's "Gherkinson's Disease", and it refers to a certain type of man who is psychologically tormented by the feeling of inadequate manhood. As a result of his perceived "short comings" (or gherkin tendencies) he seeks to outwardly compensate in other ways. Like large, loud trucks. Or big tools. Or.. well, all kinds of things. You know it when you see it, ladies. It makes me chuckle inside.

[ThaWholigan]

Very very interesting

[Woggle]

It's no secret that pretty much every creep gets their share of admirers. Ted Bundy, Scott Peterson and that Boston Bomber all have them. They don't even have to look good either. Charles Manson and the guy who killed Natalie Hollaway have their share of admirers. I wouldn't be shocked if Ariel Castro who held those women hostage for ten years got love letters.

 

Jodi Arias will probably have her share of male admirers as well. There are some sick people out there.

[Razzic]

Many cult members are highly educated as well. Sometimes people with book smarts can be the biggest idiots when it comes to life.

 

I know, I meet them on a daily basis, so smart, did so well at school and no common sense what so ever.

[TaraMaiden]

These people tend to be very charismatic as well. How do you think they manage to lure so many victims to their demise?

 

It is also the lure of the dangerous. People who feel that their life is lacking excitement tend to be drawn to the darkside.

 

The point is, they actually do nothing to invite such attention; it's incidental. It's as much a surprise to them as it is to any normal sensible person....

 

but of course, they revel in it.

It feeds an ego....

 

Your second point is completely plausible - in fact, it's mentioned as a possible factor in the article I linked.....

[phineas]

You know how sometimes we get discussions, particularly posted by, shall we say, ladies who seem to have a bone to pick with some "Members Of The Hairier Sex" about how they seem to take anything they say personally & somehow fail to understand no matter what they say nothing will change how these people feel or stop them coming to this site so instead of just ignoring them they feel the need to start a thread that always leads to a gender war that eventually gets locked.

 

So here is a quote:

 

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Edited May 26, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[William]

Focus the thread on 'Hybristophilia' and its relevance to interpersonal relationships and the thread doesn't get binned. Thanks.

[tbf]

I'm a bit skeptical about the existence of Hybristophilia. More likely, sociopaths are drawn to sociopaths, where covert sociopaths can live vicariously through the lives of overt sociopaths. There might also be the element of extreme masochism involved.

[TaraMaiden]

That's a reasonable comment tbf, until you realise that some of these criminals have in the region of hundreds - that's HUNDREDS - of people following them and 'falling in love' with them.

 

Are you suggesting that instead of being subject to this condition - they're ALL sociopaths - ?!

[USMCHokie]

Do you think Ariel Castro has a legion of female followers who want to be the next ones to get locked up in his basement sex dungeon...?

[TaraMaiden]

There's no question he will have female followers.

It's outrageous to think that this might be so, but it's highly possible.

[gaius]

That sounds like a bunch of BS to me, a condition like that. I think it's more likely people just want to pretend we're attracted to others because of what they know from being educated rather than what being educated does to your social position. Clyde got that high social position without being educated, as do most other criminals from being flashed all over the news, so Bonnie had the hots for him. Dominating all the other guys around him didn't hurt either.

[SuperGeek]

Nice try. Sorry but no pseudo scientific claptrap can 'excuse' this behaviour. The simple fact is women want a bad boy a lot of the time and I don't judge them for it. It just sucks though when you are the guy that gets dumped for the bad boy.

 

Why not just admit you find the bad boy is more interesting, more exciting, and gets your blood pumping?

 

Stop trying to claim you have no control over it, when it's a choice. You date the bad boy because that is WHAT YOU WANT.

 

</rant>

Edited May 26, 2013 by SuperGeek
Late at night, can't spell.

[dreamingoftigers]

I noticed this part of the article, I think it answers all of the questions:

 

"Then there’s the notion of the “perfect boyfriend.” She knows where he is at all times and she knows he’s thinking about her. While she can claim that someone loves her, she does not have to endure the day-to-day issues involved in most relationships. There’s no laundry to do, no cooking for him, and no accountability to him. She can keep the fantasy charged up for a long time."

 

I now may understand the nature of other's women's attraction to "bad boys." When one is on the run from the police, or trying to hide massive amounts of illegally-obtained cash, he's not likely to be complaining about unpaired socks.

[dreamingoftigers]

Nice try. Sorry but no pseudo scientific claptrap can 'excuse' this behaviour. The simple fact is women want a bad boy a lot of the time and I don't judge them for it. It just sucks though when you are the guy that gets dumped for the bad boy.

 

Why not just admit you find the bad boy is more interesting, more exciting, and gets your blood pumping?

 

Stop trying to claim you have no control over it, when it's a choice. You date the bad boy because that is WHAT YOU WANT.

 

</rant>

 

Honestly, take what you want from this: I find them disgusting. DIS-GUST-ING!

 

I never understood it. (Until I read the bit about the laundry).

 

My typical thought was, why in the world would a woman want a guy that treats her like yesterday's lunch and will likely be in and out of jail? Why would a woman want a guy that is a destroyer of the community or only looks out for himself? Why in the world would a woman try a relationship with a guy that is completely selfish to the point of possibly being sociopathic or one that she thinks she has to change? What the heck is that point of that?

 

So, perhaps among my peers, if what you say is true, I have always been a square. Whatever....

 

I think girls like that want to be "bad" themselves but don't want to lose the image of being nice, so they live vicariously through the dude. And/Or it's a power thing for a woman to think that she can "tame" him. Or "save" him.

 

Ladies! You aren't Siegfried & Roy OR Jesus!

[SuperGeek]

All the girls that I've dated who ended up with the bad boy have said this in response to why they left:

 

"I wanted to help him"

"He was a good guy, just a bit lost"

"He's a nice guy once you get to know him" <-- she said this after he punched her in the face and was in jail.

 

I am not a shrink, but it sounds like most of these women wanted to 'change' these men or try to sculpt them into something else. Lots of women who do this seem to love taking on this challenge. From my observations, it's the fact that these bad boys give them attention, but not full attention and they latch on to trying to earn more of it. I can't help but think it's related to childhood upbringing. Oh and they eat up the confidence of the bad boys too... it's like eating 20 lbs of oysters. Maybe the sex is just out of this world and that part is just never mentioned? I _do not_ understand it either.

 

I hope to meet a 'square' soon myself that doesn't want the bad boy, but a geeky software engineer. You are a rare one If you are with someone now, he's a lucky man. My last major ex left me for the bad boy and it still sucks thinking about it. She tried to come back to me and I told her to get lost -- no way in hell would I get back with her now, just thinking her name pisses me off.

 

I still maintain that seeking out the bad boy is a choice though and not some 'disorder'. Just like it's a choice if I went out to bag some slutty girl at the bar. It is no different and trying to pass this choice off as some 'uncontrollable' mental disorder just doesn't hold water. Women who pick these guys know EXACTLY what they are getting and they like it.

 

My typical thought was, why in the world would a woman want a guy that treats her like yesterday's lunch and will likely be in and out of jail? Why would a woman want a guy that is a destroyer of the community or only looks out for himself? Why in the world would a woman try a relationship with a guy that is completely selfish to the point of possibly being sociopathic or one that she thinks she has to change? What the heck is that point of that?

Edited May 26, 2013 by SuperGeek

[TaraMaiden]

Nice try. Sorry but no pseudo scientific claptrap can 'excuse' this behaviour.....

I don't think anyone's trying to excuse it.

I think they're merely explaining it....

 

Stop trying to claim you have no control over it, when it's a choice. You date the bad boy because that is WHAT YOU WANT.

 

Of course it's what they want!

Otherwise they wouldn't do it!!

 

The point is, there appears to be a specific excessive behavioural pattern....

 

The other way of looking at it, is that you just don't have what they need to give them complete fulfilment....

 

You're not crazy enough.

 

I wouldn't be pissed off about that, I'd be glad I dodged the bullet....

[tbf]

That's a reasonable comment tbf, until you realise that some of these criminals have in the region of hundreds - that's HUNDREDS - of people following them and 'falling in love' with them.

 

Are you suggesting that instead of being subject to this condition - they're ALL sociopaths - ?!

The psychiatric community estimate that 1 - 4% of the population are sociopaths. Being a sociopath doesn't mean they will act out, hence the difference between covert and overt. But if they can find another sociopath who's acted on what they've fantasized about, it reinforces their feelings of normalcy.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes, I know that statistic.

I remember reading advertisements regarding mental health, on the advert panels on the underground... (subway to you... )

 

Which reminds me of the oft-quoted line:

"One in four people suffers from a mental disorder.

If you're with three friends, and they're fine - then it's you."

[SuperGeek]

I guess I'm just pissed at myself for wasting so much time and money on someone that could leave me for such a dirt bag. This guy literally just used her for money and sex. Fed her a ton of BS and took advantage of her separation with me. He told her everything she wanted to hear and she ate it up like a banana split (pun may be intended). The last time I talked to her (nearly two years ago), she had to steal back a car she had purchased for him on a loan (the loan on the car was in her name). The guy didn't work and was a total dead beat.

 

I have no idea what she's doing and I won't search the internet or Facebook to find out either. If I had to take a guess, she's probably married/divorced with kids by now. That seems to be the common theme in her family. Bah!

 

</rant>

 

I'm very selective now since that happened, so I suppose some of us have to learn the hard way I'm now close to my mid 30s and still single with battle wounds. Red flag? I don't have any child support or alimony to pay though so I suppose it could be worse -- I got out of it clean.

 

Yeah bullet dodged... well more like the bullet actually hit me in the arm (just left of the heart) and I recovered from it.

 

I wouldn't be pissed off about that, I'd be glad I dodged the bullet....

Edited May 27, 2013 by SuperGeek

[Maleficent]

I haven't read the whole thread...but seeing as paraphilia is an abnormal sexual desire it explains why women are attracted to 'bad boys' but it doesn't really explain why they stick around...