ConfusedT Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Im going to be writing every day ESPECIALLY with NC bc im tired of telling my friends about this.. More lonely today than others, my kid is at his fathers house. So i am home alone. I know, i know. i should be going out but where do you go when you're miserable. when it shows all over your face... Where do you go when all you want to do is be with the one person you shouldnt be with? All i wanted was a family, someone to love me the way I deserved to be loved, but I guess thats not in the cards for me at this point.. Still NC and its gettin harder before it gets easier. I'm holding out because I know this is about me healing, about me progressing, about me learning and starting to love me again. Im not even real sure I think its been 4 days? i can probably look in my posts.. I spoke to a life coach last night and he was more helpful than the therapist actually and he said he would help me for free. Its just the addiction to him I guess, in a month Im hoping I'll at least be smiling, genuinely..... -sighs- 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Im going to be writing every day ESPECIALLY with NC bc im tired of telling my friends about this.. More lonely today than others, my kid is at his fathers house. So i am home alone. I know, i know. i should be going out but where do you go when you're miserable. when it shows all over your face... Where do you go when all you want to do is be with the one person you shouldnt be with? All i wanted was a family, someone to love me the way I deserved to be loved, but I guess thats not in the cards for me at this point.. Still NC and its gettin harder before it gets easier. I'm holding out because I know this is about me healing, about me progressing, about me learning and starting to love me again. Im not even real sure I think its been 4 days? i can probably look in my posts.. I spoke to a life coach last night and he was more helpful than the therapist actually and he said he would help me for free. Its just the addiction to him I guess, in a month Im hoping I'll at least be smiling, genuinely..... -sighs- I can totally relate to this. It is so draining for me to be social right now. It is an effort to pretend to be anything other than depressed. In fact, if I go and hang out I usually have to come home and then cry or take a nap. I also have stopped talking about the breakup to anyone, because I am afraid that they are secretly wishing that I would just get over it already and stop talking about the same old feelings over and over again. I think loneliness, the kind that comes from the absence of an intimate partner, is one of the hardest aspects to recover from after a break up. i am sorry that you have to go through this too. It is really hard and can make breaking No Contact very very tempting. Stay strong! Sometimes the only thing that keeps me from sending ridiculous texts, emails, or phone calls is the fact that I can come on here and vent or try and help others. You can do the same
mbee Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 ConfusedT, keep venting here. That's one of the reasons these forums exist and it has helped me when I'm hurting. Just keep taking it one day at a time. Maybe try to find a balance of social activities and being alone. Here's something I learned. Try to force yourself to go out at least twice a week. Do something that doesn't involve talking. If I go to a dinner with a friend, I just keep talking about my ex. Even when I try not to, my friend will ask me "how are you doing?", "have you heard from him?" then bam, I'm talking to him again. Go to a movie instead with a friend. Maybe save dinner for after the movie so you can just discuss the movie. Do something that's active physically or mentally. Board game nights, dancing, zumba classes haha, rock climbing or something like that. Ask a friend to go with you but make sure it's mentally or physically stimulating. That's what helps me the most. I'm not frequently having moments where I'm thinking about my ex and feeling heartbroken. Also take time to enjoy a couple of nights alone. Plan ahead. Do things or watch shows or movies he wouldn't have enjoyed when you guys were together. That's been really tough for me, but you have to accept a life where you will have to be alone for a bit. NC is tough and don't let people on this forum make you confused about that. Some people make it sound easy. It's not. I've only been able to go NC for 4 days max. My ex tends to send me very sweet messages and texts randomly, and it's been very tough to break away. Sometimes I get the "Call me, it's an emergency" texts meh. Give yourself time and know that NC will be very difficult for you. That's why you can come on here and talk to us. I try to be optimistic and reasonable during some of these sad moments. And what you said is true. Maybe at this point you don't need someone to love you. You have your family still. Maybe right now is the opportunity to re-discover yourself, have fun, reconnect with yourself. Maybe this is a stepping stone to being happier with yourself and one day meeting someone who nourishes your life and the love you provide. These are just things to think about and to keep you going. Stay strong! 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 ConfusedT, keep venting here. That's one of the reasons these forums exist and it has helped me when I'm hurting. Just keep taking it one day at a time. Maybe try to find a balance of social activities and being alone. Here's something I learned. Try to force yourself to go out at least twice a week. Do something that doesn't involve talking. If I go to a dinner with a friend, I just keep talking about my ex. Even when I try not to, my friend will ask me "how are you doing?", "have you heard from him?" then bam, I'm talking to him again. Go to a movie instead with a friend. Maybe save dinner for after the movie so you can just discuss the movie. Do something that's active physically or mentally. Board game nights, dancing, zumba classes haha, rock climbing or something like that. Ask a friend to go with you but make sure it's mentally or physically stimulating. That's what helps me the most. I'm not frequently having moments where I'm thinking about my ex and feeling heartbroken. Also take time to enjoy a couple of nights alone. Plan ahead. Do things or watch shows or movies he wouldn't have enjoyed when you guys were together. That's been really tough for me, but you have to accept a life where you will have to be alone for a bit. NC is tough and don't let people on this forum make you confused about that. Some people make it sound easy. It's not. I've only been able to go NC for 4 days max. My ex tends to send me very sweet messages and texts randomly, and it's been very tough to break away. Sometimes I get the "Call me, it's an emergency" texts meh. Give yourself time and know that NC will be very difficult for you. That's why you can come on here and talk to us. I try to be optimistic and reasonable during some of these sad moments. And what you said is true. Maybe at this point you don't need someone to love you. You have your family still. Maybe right now is the opportunity to re-discover yourself, have fun, reconnect with yourself. Maybe this is a stepping stone to being happier with yourself and one day meeting someone who nourishes your life and the love you provide. These are just things to think about and to keep you going. Stay strong! I like that you wrote this. I think sometimes people that are further along in the recovery process make it seem like it was easy to get there. It is a constant struggle to achieve the clarity that comes just from the simple passage of time. It is really important to remember how hard it in the first couple of days, weeks, months and I like how you put your own story on here to illustrate how even if you have a setback you can always start over and keep making progress 1
Recommended Posts