Trisharoo Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (Sorry this is so long, but with a story like ours, for you to comprehend there is no other way. And this is the SHORTEST I could make it) 4 years ago, at the age of 16 is when I met him. I never expected meeting him, and turning into best friends... for it to turn out so vital to me. I don't want to be "that" girl, because I NEVER have been. I shrug off break ups like it's nothing, and move on with my life and focus on myself until I find myself in another. His name is Casey. And when we first met, there was automatically something there. Something I couldn't put my finger on, and I knew he felt it too. Within a matter of 6 months, we were best friends and we were inseparable. We eventually turned into something more than that, and it got very serious. After a year of dating, he admitted he was on meth. He lost both of his jobs. I got him sent to a detox center, where I was the ONLY one to visit him. Literally the only one. Two weeks later he came back, and he was living with me because I basically lived by myself at this point because my parents worked 4 hours away and stayed at a motel through the week. We lived with one another for 4 months at my house. Through this time we were on a "break". And I honestly had no idea why. It didn't make sense to me. Why would you be on a break with someone you wanna be with more than anything and anyone? Someone you can't go a minute without thinking of? Oh, wait. To have sex with other girls. Right. He had sex with my best friend. I walked in on them kissing. While I was in another room crying, and he KNEW I was, he had sex with her. Then at a party, he made out with another friend of mine. In her car, in my yard. On my property. That hurt, because it was extremely disrespectful. His excuse was always that we were "not together". Then, we got back together and moved down to Jacksonville for a month. And then back to Georgia. We lived with his mom and dad for half a year. I got a job, he got a job. Our relationship was doing great. His mom and I, who were already close before (she considered me the daughter she never had, we always sat up talking on the phone and going out together prior to me moving in). But living with them, I got extremely close to his mom. I still am close to her. That house was my second home. I had never felt as happy as I did at that point in my life, living there. Feeling so accepted, so carefree, and loved. He went to jail, due to a probation warrant. I was devastated. We wrote letters as often as we could. I visited him, that was hard. Talking through glass, seeing him in that orange suit. And after two months of constantly saving money, I bailed him out. Casey got another job that required him to travel for a month or two at a time. I felt like I was doing nothing with my life. Working a part time job, 20 hours a week? I needed to get into college. So I moved 2 hours away, back into my parents house (for them to pay for 50% of my schooling, it was the only compromise they made; for me to move back). After a month, Casey broke up with me. We had a fight. It was November. In December I saw him, and he gave me all kinds of presents. Was really sweet to me... I went back to school. Three months passed, and my birthday was right around the corner. I spent my birthday weekend with him. He took me out on our first legit date, playing laser tag, putt putt, and go carts. It was a blast, we won so many games, won a lot of prizes. Typical couple time. Two weeks after being back home, he calls me and tells me he has a kid. A 3 year old with a mother that was originally a one night stand. I was hurt, but hid it and told him I would accept the child with open arms. The next day he went to go see his child, he broke up with me again. He had sex with the baby mama again. We've been broken up ever since, and it's been almost a year and a half. The lasy year and a half, my life was crazy. I was reckless, doing stupid things (wont go into detail), and experienced a good friend try to commit suicide at my house. Saved her life. All the while, he was working his job states away, and never had time to listen to me. Never had time to talk to me. And yet, whenever I didn't have time to talk to HIM, he would go on a rant about how much he loves me and such. He was trying to keep me on a string. His mama always told me he was a con artist, a manipulator. She constantly told me I deserved better than her own son, that it wasn't fair to me. Very recently, I let him back into my life (for about the last 4 months). We were getting close again, talking of moving in together again. He said if I moved down there, he could be with me again. He finally got his own truck, and drove to see me while he was home from work. We went to dinner, had sex, and he did his business in me. He even said, "Well, now you're pregnant!" Jokingly. I'm not. But what if I was? The very next day after he left, he was talking to 3 other girls about his "feelings" for them and wanting to "see" them. I'm not friends with him on facebook, but a friend of mine told me and showed me. I confronted him about it, and he told me I was "freaking out for no reason" and he has "no ties". Dude has NO ties but can have sex with me and possibly get me pregnant? He can go out and party, have sex with other girls, do whatever he wants? While he expects me to stay at home always, unless I hang with a girl, and go to work, go to school, and wait for him? Enough is enough. I cut it off, blocked his number. It just hurts. Four years is a long time. For the last year I've been trying to start over. Went on a million dates, always ONE time and never saw them again. Tried to focus on myself and better my life. I always think of him, constantly. It's sick. I hate it. But now, it's worse than ever because I know... for sure, that it's over. I have no passion for him. Just a feeling of a haunted past, betrayal, and hurt. I have to say goodbye to not only him, and our relationship... But I have to say goodbye to his mom, that house, his dad, the dogs, our friends, our memories... He wasn't 100% a bad person. We made some absolutely beautiful memories. The way he made me feel, how he touched me and looked at me... Ugh. I just... I need help coping with all of this and would like to know if anyone has felt a similar way or experienced something like it? I just don't know. I'm usually always happy. But I feel like I'm not even me any more. I don't know what to do, or what I'm doing.
Foreverandalwaysxo Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Wow... Clearly that guy isn't worth it. I know its hard to move on, but don't ever take him back. Do you want a guy that most likely will get other girls pregnant? Do you want to just be one of his baby mama's? Cuz thats what it would end like... He doesn't have a future, even his mom told you. And you deserve better.
TaraMaiden Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I read all your post, and in all of it, do you know what barked out at me? I'm usually always happy. But I feel like I'm not even me any more. I don't know what to do, or what I'm doing. That bit. Essentially, you don't feel you're you any more because, guess what? You've never been you. This caught you at a ridiculously young age, and you have developed from actually being a child, up to being a young woman - yet always under the influence of someone who changed who you were. I can't believe I posted this link, three times today! You must have felt out of your mind, so many times. When in actual fact - you were never 'in it'. This whole mess hit you during the most crucial, formative stages of your young life - and it screwed you up a whole lot. I really don't know how open you are to different suggestions, but I don't feel it's a bad thing, right now, to encourage you to do something like Yoga, and to learn to meditate. Calm your mind, and let yourself blossom at an unhurried pace. Let things now evolve peacefully. Can you get some form of counselling? I think it would help. This man turned your life upside-down, inside out and back to front. It's high time you now quit thinking about him so much, and dedicated all your time to developing into the kind of young woman you want to be. I don't know what happened to your education, but maybe you could look into some form of qualification for juveniles, young offenders... with the experience you have at your shoulders, you have a heap of stuff you could help others with.... But first - 'find' you. be good to yourself, and show yourself kindness and compassion. Learn to love what you have become, and cherish the heart you have, because it has so much to give. 3
Author Trisharoo Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 For the last year, I've been alone. Living in a new town, 20 years old, I barely know anyone. I just work, do my hair for self-fulfilling purposes, and just mosey on around. I'm doing my best to get out and meet people, but it's actually surprisingly hard to do. I lost him, and he was my absolute best friend. I turned to him for everything. My other close friends live in my old home town. So it's hard to find someone to listen, to be willing to hear out my story and give me TRUE advice. That was hands down the most intelligent, honest, amazing reply I have ever gotten. And for that, I thank you more than you know. I am a very open minded person to almost anything, and I've actually been thinking a lot of yoga and such. I've mentioned therapy and counseling to my parents, but my dad is an extreme case of Mind-Over-Matter/Who-Needs-Doctors/You'll-Be-Aight. I work a part time job, and I'm currently looking for a second one. Or a full time. That way, if I truly feel I need counseling, I can pay for it myself. Which would make my dad livid, I am supposed to be saving for a car... Lol And as for school, as soon as I get a car I'm going straight back to college. It was near impossible to save money and go to school and pay gas and insurance and a cell phone bill. My parents met at 16, got married and have been in love and together ever since, so they don't quite understand how difficult heartbreak is. When you base your dreams and yourself around someone and it all shatters. Yes, it was a very crucial period in my life. I was young, and I still am. The only thing I can honestly say that makes me feel better, is that I know it's made me stronger. You are an amazing person with an amazing mind, I can tell that by your response. I know I will be okay. I hope, atleast. I don't want to be that person that gets married and has kids, but has their heart stuck on that "person". I'm optimistic and bubbly, but lately my mind is in the negatives. I just have got to get myself out of this funk. I need to get out of this house and get a life that doesn't involve my parents, or work. I just feel like I don't even know where to start LOL Starting over. It's refreshing at times, a constant scare, and takes dedication... I can do it. I just need some support on the way. The point of this message was just to thank you, and I started rambling. But yes, thank you. So much.
mbee Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I am so happy to hear that you are going to take steps to improve your life soon. You are 20 and have your whole life ahead of you. You will get through this. In terms of this guy, I went through a somewhat similar situation. It didn't get that bad but he was not good for me and I was hung up on him for 4 years! It was absolutely ridiculous. We had met when I was 17. I'm currently 25 by the way. The way I got past it is by focusing on myself. After finding myself again and figuring out ways to be happy, I started dating nice guys. Okay let me be honest. These weren't men I fell in love with. I had four relationships afterwards (one lasted almost 2 years, another 4 months, and another was a rebound so technically 3 months but it felt like less). I didn't fall in love with any of these three guys. But that wasn't the point. The point is I got to meet some really nice guys, people who cared about me, and who I cared about. They treated me right, supported me, and we had some fun memories together. It really put things in perspective with that one guy I was crazy about but who had hurt me so much. After those three guys I met my now ex. He was amazing, I fell in love, but unfortunately didn't treat me right at the end. Now I'm a heartbroken mess, BUT from that earlier experience, I know it's important to focus on myself right now even when it feels so hard. I still love my current ex so much, but if he truly loves and respects me, he'd be making some hardcore changes that he's not right now. The reason I'm telling you this is so you know that you'll fall for some really terrible guys, and right now it's important to focus on you and even try dating some cute guys who are just kind to you when you are ready for that. I think now is too early. Before I started dating those guys, I was in college, taking fun dance classes, learning Italian, taking random trips around the world. Focus on finding yourself again. When you focus on that you'll run into some nice guys. I can't promise they'll be the one, but they will show you that there are some good guys out there and when you finally find that right person, you'll know what makes you happy. Good luck to you. You WILL be fine! I promise. When I was 20, and still so hung up on that guy, a random woman from a similar forum told me that 3 years from now I wont even be thinking about him. And she was right. 3 years from that point I was head over heels in love with my now-ex, and although I sometimes thought about that other guy every so often, it wasn't with anger, hurt or love, it was just random curiosity about how he's doing. You'll get there. All this just takes time. You have your whole life ahead of you, and this guy will always be restricted with his new child, this new woman and this life that will always hold him back. He is NOT your other half!!! He was an obstacle in your life, preventing you from feeling whole again. 2
Author Trisharoo Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 Man, I am so glad I found and joined this site today. I'll probably get addicted and come posting on here every day, helping people out and talking to people. Lololol You guys are seriously awesome.
TaraMaiden Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Trisharoo, thank you for your positive response. You know what? You'll be fine. And I get the impression that since you already recognise just what a negative impact this man had on your life, your standards of personality and behaviour, for any future partner, are going to sky-rocket. You will demand a far, far better calibre of person, and you won't take, accept or deserve anything less. Be wary, be cautious and be on your own for a while. My parents were together for 57 years, so I can see why your mum and dad would find your emotions alien, with regard to the loss you have felt. The other trap they may fall into, is thinking that as you were so young, it was just a 'first-love' deep infatuation (I'm not saying they have, I'm pointing out that as 'hardened relationship ol' timers, they might have that thought....but not in a cruel way....) and that it will pass. This all happened at a crucial point in your formative years. This is always going to stay with you, so try to transform or channel any negative feelings you may have about it, into a constructive drive and determination to make your life better. Returning to study at this age now, is actually not a bad thing. Not only will it help you focus, but you have a more mature and clear mind with a will to learn. (I personally feel kids should be permitted to stop school all together at 16 and resume higher education at 25. They're so much better equipped to know how to study and learn, then! But I digress.....) I hope you have a sound relationship with your parents, because it's a good thing to have a supportive foundation.... We actually have a relationships counsellor on this forum - taking advice for a long-term problem they have had themselves. (They only moved into a career in counselling a relatively short time ago, and they believe this new profession stirred up some really old schytt!) So if you can't dedicate money to counselling, then come on here. (A car sounds a good idea!) The good thing is that, you can read everything, but leave what doesn't resonate, aside. Be selective in the counsel you receive. All well-meant, it might not all work well for you.... But I think you know that. Enjoy your weekend.
Recommended Posts