latergater Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) Hi -- first of all, I need to tell you that I was involved with a MM for two years. We split up in February after I stumbled upon facebook messages and learned I was not the only one. As it turns out, he was juggling a number of other women the entire time we were together. I ended my A with him in February, on that very day. A month or so later, he called me to tell me his wife knew about our affair (yes, even though it was over). She found a card that I had given him the year before and it contained the word love in it, etc. On that day, in March, he fessed up about everything. He told her everything about me, our involvement, and said he would no longer be in contact as his wife demanded he cease all communications with me, period. As I mentioned, we had NOT been involved intimately since February but had been speaking as we have known each other for thirty years and knew some of the same people in our community. We have not spoken since his wife learned of the affair, however. That was the last time I spoke to him on the phone. Here's my question. I did not know until d-day that this was not the first time his wife had discovered an affair. This was the second or third time he had been caught cheating. But clearly she has chosen to take him back each time. He travels for work and is gone a great deal of the time, international travel, because he holds a senior executive position at a large tech company. I just don't understand how she could trust him after he has been caught multiple times. What is she thinking? Why is she choosing to stay with her husband (my ex MM) when he has cheated on her twice, three, four times? Do you think she loves him or is staying with him because she has a great life and doesn't want to break up the family? Do you think he talks her into believing he will change each time around? I'm not asking because I want to be with him. Trust me. I was done in February and I have learned my lesson. NEVER again will I get involved with a MM. However, I do want to know what his wife is going through or feeling or what the reasons are that she would chose to stay with a serial cheater? I feel terrible about the situation and for what she must be going through. I just don't understand it. Edited May 24, 2013 by latergater
leonine Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 There are many possible reasons. No one here knows her or can read her mind. Best to just put the whole thing behind you and move on. Their actions show that they are both where they want to be. It'll be her funeral when/if he does it again. 2
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Maybe she has major health issues, maybe she doesn't care, maybe she has an OM on the side, maybe their dynamic is screwed up and they both get something out of the roller coaster ride. Maybe she just loves him and doesn't want to give up on him and their marriage. She has every right to choose to stay. Even if you or others feel she should divorce and start over. Maybe too, she has no job skills - if they have kids and they decided she looks after the kids, he'll provide. People have their reasons for what they do.. Have you thought of why HE just doesn't divorce her? This isn't just on her. 2
ladydesigner Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 If you love someone and if they love you, you keep trying until one of you is not willing to try anymore or one person gets themself to a healthy place and demands the other do the same if they want to stay M. This is basically what it comes down to for me. My WH just realized he has a personality disorder and major Foo issues (Family of Origin). WH can now see that his A(s) had nothing to do with me, but with him and his coping skills. 1
Recommended Posts