Babolat Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 First, I do not like Facebook. I am in my mid 40s so maybe it's a generational thing. I broke up with my gf of 12+ months a couple of months ago. We are still FB friends, which is Ok with me. We still talk too and text occassionaly, how are you doing kind of chit chat. One thing that always bothered me about her was her posting pics of herself on FB, sometimes with girlfriends, sometimes with family, sometimes with both and sometimes of us, and the male friend comments that followed. Comments like "Looking sexy", "You are so HOT", "Beautiful", "Pretty lady", "How do you keep that body looking so good", "My heart just skipped a beat", "You took my breath away"....you get the point. She gets the same comments, to a degree, from her female friends too. By the way, the pics of us, it was just her female friends commenting though occassionaly a male friend would say something like "Lucky him" or "I wish I was him". Sometimes she would Like these comments. Her typical reply was "Thank you". She has a lot of friends and she is a big Facebooker. She has some photos on her page that predated us, in a bikini, just 2-3, where the men are just drooling with their comments. She is/was a beautiful woman with a incredible body. I am not insecure or jealous, never have been. This bothered me though, and I guess it's because it's not the kind of thing I have ever done, or would do, with my female FB friends, or any of my female friends for that matter. I cannot control what these male friends say. And I am sure she likes the attention. She always made it clear to me how she felt about me and I knew she was 150% into me. I don't know if I was bothered by this because I would not act this way so I expect the same in return from her FB male friends, and would have expcted her to somehow stop it (I never ever said anything to her, that would be controlling which is not me). I don't know if it bothered me because I thought she needed and enjoyed the attention. I don't know if it bothered me because of trust.... Anyone have an opinion on this? Thanks
Jane2011 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I think she's a pretty woman who uses Facebook the way many people use it. Posting pictures of themselves looking good, among other things. She gets compliments because she's attractive and got a good body. I don't see the problem. If I had a boyfriend who did the same (as a matter of fact, I did briefly have one who did this type of thing), but wasn't blatantly flirting with others or giving me reason to think he wasn't into our relationship, I'd not have a problem. 1
Jane2011 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I guess I'd add that what you see as her showing off or wanting attention isn't really different from an average-looking or below-average-looking person posting pictures of him or herself with friends, family, bf/gf, but not getting a lot of looks compliments because they're not particularly good-looking, OR getting looks compliments despite their not being truly good-looking. She's not doing anything wrong. It just stands out to some people as wrong because they believe that being good-looking and social and using Facebook in combination is somehow a crime, or "showier" than it is with less attractive people. It's not.
Star Gazer Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Is she really "friends" with these guys, or did she just accept random friend requests? That sort of behavior (from the guys) is most common with attention seekers (women) who welcome it, IME. I mean, if I post a pretty picture of myself, 90% of the comments are from women, and the other comments are joking/sarcastic comments from my guy friends. 2
Author Babolat Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Is she really "friends" with these guys, or did she just accept random friend requests? That sort of behavior (from the guys) is most common with attention seekers (women) who welcome it, IME. I mean, if I post a pretty picture of myself, 90% of the comments are from women, and the other comments are joking/sarcastic comments from my guy friends. She is very selective with who she accepts as friends on her FB page. I could tell by the back and forth comments that some of these were long time friends. And it was the usual suspects posting these comments, like 5-10 men.
Author Babolat Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 I think she's a pretty woman who uses Facebook the way many people use it. Posting pictures of themselves looking good, among other things. She gets compliments because she's attractive and got a good body. I don't see the problem. If I had a boyfriend who did the same (as a matter of fact, I did briefly have one who did this type of thing), but wasn't blatantly flirting with others or giving me reason to think he wasn't into our relationship, I'd not have a problem. No, she never flirted. I watched her interact with men, she was not a flirt, just a social person who enjoyed a good conversation.
Star Gazer Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 She is very selective with who she accepts as friends on her FB page. I could tell by the back and forth comments that some of these were long time friends. And it was the usual suspects posting these comments, like 5-10 men. Then she selects men she knows want her and don't know/care that she's in a relationship when they make these public comments.
Imajerk17 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Man I never made these types comments to a woman I wasn't dating on Facebook. Maybe I was lucky to have enough PUA training to see this, but it's just chump behavior. Guys are so desperate and horny sometimes.
Author Babolat Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Then she selects men she knows want her and don't know/care that she's in a relationship when they make these public comments. I am not following you. These men, I can tell, we her fb friends long before me and I can tell their friendships are probably 10, 15+ years old, meaning they pre-dated me.
Author Babolat Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Man I never made these types comments to a woman I wasn't dating on Facebook. Maybe I was lucky to have enough PUA training to see this, but it's just chump behavior. Guys are so desperate and horny sometimes. Agreed, and I never posted a comment on her FB page, as much as I wanted to. Some of the men used appropritate words, and it was nice to read, though "hot", "sexy", "WOW!"...that bothered me. Again, I am not sure if it was them that bothered me, her, or both. And, I am not sure if I was justified in how I felt, perhaps I was insecure.
thatone Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Maybe I was lucky to have enough PUA training..... 10 chars
Star Gazer Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I am not following you. These men, I can tell, we her fb friends long before me and I can tell their friendships are probably 10, 15+ years old, meaning they pre-dated me. Sounds like you're trying to justify her behavior. In that sense, I don't understand why you started this thread. That said, IME, when I'm in a relationship, men who otherwise flirt with me, back way off, because they know it's not welcome or appropriate, long-term friends included. As such, it sounds like she welcomed it. If you don't understand what that meant for your relationship, I can't help you.
Author Babolat Posted May 26, 2013 Author Posted May 26, 2013 Sounds like you're trying to justify her behavior. In that sense, I don't understand why you started this thread. That said, IME, when I'm in a relationship, men who otherwise flirt with me, back way off, because they know it's not welcome or appropriate, long-term friends included. As such, it sounds like she welcomed it. If you don't understand what that meant for your relationship, I can't help you. Thanks, makes perfect sense.
apple OR orange Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 i think i am the only one who actually only friends people i know, i have about 5 on there, 3 of those are not in the country i am in.
Pillow Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 I don't see what the problem with her, but the men. The more desperate they are, the more they will post. Even if she just posts silly photos, if she's attractive, she's going to get some hits. If she has an awesome body in a swimsuit, of course they are going to look and like and say "hot" and sexy. 1
Shepp Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 See I think that's pretty standard facebooky behaviour, I see that kinda thing on my timeline all the time. And I've been known to comment on a girl mates pictures to tell them there looking sexy, I think its all kind of tongue in cheek - not as in they don't look good, they do, but as in they know theres nothing between us, its just...well friendly/bit of a laugh. Like im a lad but I get the same thing from girls on my photos - even ones who are very happy with there boyfriends, it doesn't mean owt. Like occasionally my best guy mates will say things like "sexy boy" or "I would" and there as straight as they come, its just messing about! The only thing id say is im 19, and my friends are around that age, and I think it is normal for people of that age group but if I saw a lass in her 40's getting the same sort of comments that probably would surprise me, you don't see it as much at all!
Author Babolat Posted May 28, 2013 Author Posted May 28, 2013 (edited) Gretch, I agree with you and your comments help. She knows everyone she FBs and she is cautious with who she FBs. She has work/professional folks she FBs too so she is careful with her posts. Her career requires her to do a lot of Networking so she meets a lot of people, male and female. There are a couple of bikini photos on her FB (of over 300 photos), all before we met/dated and she is with her family in the photos. There are 2-3 men, no matter what she posts, that always comment, and I am sure for them having a hot, attractive friend helps their ego. I met one of the...nice enough guy, kind of a loner. Edited May 28, 2013 by Babolat
Els Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Reasonably normal, from what I've seen. I don't personally do much of that and don't see any point in doing so, but IMO it's pretty normal for people to do so, in Rs or not. Her responses to the comments don't seem to be over-the-top - 'thanks' is pretty standard. That being said, she is an ex, is she not? Perhaps best to not dwell too much on what she does or doesn't do? Easier to move on if you're not constantly analyzing them. 1
Emilia Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Anyone have an opinion on this? What I told you before when you posted about her: that she is an attention whore. I rarely have my own visage as my profile photo on facebook and rarely post photos of myself (usually just get tagged by friends). I have more photos showing me solo here on LS than on facebook almost - so it's pretty much a personality thing. Occasionally my male friends will compliment me - and I do have more male than female friends on fb - but never crass. They are not the type of men I'm friends with. But then again I don't post bikini pics of myself. 2
Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 StarGazer likes to call out women on very harmless behavior and then in other threads excuse men for very douchey behavior! I do no such thing. I'm an equal-opportunity straight talker. 2
Emilia Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Its not her fault men are horny shallow beings who must post such comments. I have old male friends who do it on occasion on to me and my pics arent showing my sex appeal either they are normal pics. I dont ask for it. What am I supposed to do? Say "dont say that because my boyfriend doesnt like it?" LOL Im sorry but thats crazy. I just ignore them. ' Why are you friends with people who make you feel uncomfortable? 1
Star Gazer Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I don't see what the problem with her, but the men. Let's not forget that this woman is the same woman who put herself up for auction for a date while in a relationship with the OP without even talking to him about it first.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I think it's reasonable to ask her not to post provocative pictures of herself - in a swimsuit or skimpy clothes. You have two choices, basically: 1. Accept what she's doing and deal with it. 2. Let her know that posting sexy pics isn't OK with you.
MidwestUSA Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 It's the kind of attention seeking stuff I see from my stepdaughter's group. When you hit your late 30's, 40's and, in my case 50's, it all seems so juvenile. To think that stuff's out there for all to see, well it's creepy. But then I am starting to sound just like my parents Tell me she didn't make duck lips? Or the duck face, whatever it is. 1
Emilia Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Tell me she didn't make duck lips? Or the duck face, whatever it is. duck face I'm tempted occasionally just to see how many of my friends pick up the irony and how many take it seriously. Then I could cull me friend list accordingly
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